0- 



$6 



{LIBRARY OF CONGRESS. 






f UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.! 



NOTICES OF THE LIFE 



THEODOSIA AM BARKER DEAN, 



REV. WILLIAM DEAN,. 

MISSIONARY TO CHINA. 

PHABCBIIUS CHURCH, 

PASTOR OF BOWDOIN SQUARE BAPTIST CHURCH, BOSTON. 



• BOSTON: 

WILLIAM HEATH, 

New England Sabbath School Depository, 
79 Cornhill. 

1851. 




J9/3 76 5" 



Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1850, by 

WIILLAM HEATH, 

In the Clerk's (Xlice of the District Court for the District of 

Massachusetts. 



STEREOTYPED AT THE 
BOSTON STEREOTYPE FOUNDRY. 



PREFACE, 



A part of the materials for this work were 
left with the editor by Rev. Mr. Dean, when 
he was in this country, more than four years 
ago, and the rest have since been transmitted 
from China. Requiring more attention, how- 
ever, than a pastor had to give at any one 
time, they have been so long delayed. 

A life of twenty-four years, only five of 
which were spent among the heathen, might 
be thought too barren of incident for a work 
like this : and it would be so, were not the 
deficiency more than supplied by the charac- 
ter of the person and the favorable influence 
of her story, especially upon the young. 
Truth is better than fiction, in supplying 



IV PREFACE. 

the demand for books in our Sabbath school 
libraries. The absence of stirring event and 
brilliant composition is more than compen- 
sated by the truthfulness of the story, and 
the spirit of courage, magnanimity, and self- 
sacrifice which it evinces. It is laid as an 
offering on the altar of missions and Sabbath 
schools. 

The public are indebted to Mr. Dean for 
much that is contained in the editorial part 
of the work. 

Several pieces of poetry are inserted, some 
of which are supposed to be original ; others 
are not so, but are retained as showing 
the sentiments which predominated in the 
mind of Mrs. Dean at different periods of 
her life, being found among her papers. 



CONTENTS. 



CHAPTER I. 

PAGE 

LOCATION— CONTRAST — PARENTAGE, 1 



CHAPTER II. 

EARLY TENDENCIES TO PIETY, 7 

CHAPTER III. 

SCHOOL-GIRL DAYS, 11 

CHAPTER IV. 

HER CONVERSION, 27 

CHAPTER V. 

FAILURE OF HEALTH, 35 

CHAPTER VI. 

HER PURPOSE OF BECOMING A MISSIONARY, 41 

a* 



VI CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER VII. 

JOURNAL OF A VOYAGE TO INDIA, 52 

CHAPTER VIII. 

VOYAGE TO INDIA.— ARRIVAL AT BATAVIA, 65 

CHAPTER IX. 

JOURNAL CONTINUED. — ARRIVAL AT MACAO. — IN THE 
FAMILY OF MR. GUTZLAFF, 88 

CHAPTER X. 

HER MARRIAGE, 99 



CHAPTER XI. 

VOYAGE TO SINGAPORE. — ARRIVAL AT BANGKOK. — BAP- 
TISM.— EXTRACTS FROM JOURNAL. — LABORS AND SUC- 
CESSES AS A MISSIONARY, 113 



CHAPTER XII. 

JOURNAL. — CORRESPONDENCE, 131 

CHAPTER XIII. 

TEMPTATIONS AND SUPPORTS OF A MISSIONARY. — FUR- 
THER EXTRACTS FROM HER JOURNAL. — LETTER FROM 
ENGLAND. — BECOMES A MOTHER, 150 

CHAPTER XIV. 

MATERNAL CARES. — CORRESPONDENCE. — SICKNESS AND 
DEATH OF HER CHILD, 169 



CONTENTS. Vll 



CHAPTER XV. 

DEATH OF A YOK, THE HEINAM BOY. — STATE OF THE 
MISSION AT BANGKOK, 210 



CHAPTER XVI. 

MRS. BEAN'S RETURN TO BANGKOK. — LEAVES FOR MA- 
CAO. — CORRESPONDENCE, 224 



CHAPTER XVII. 

LOCATION AT HONG-KONG. —RESULTS OF LABOR THERE. 
— DEATH OF MRS. DEAN, 250 



CHAPTER XVIII. 

LETTERS OF CONDOLENCE. — REFLECTIONS, 267 



LIFE OP MRS. T. A. B. DEAN. 



CHAPTER I. 

LOCATION. — CONTRAST. — PARENTAGE. 

An elliptical-shaped tract of country, beginning 
about eighty miles to the north-east of London, has 
many ages been known as Norfolk, one of the 
counties of England. It reposes in the bosom of 
the German Ocean, which completely encloses its 
eastern, northern, and a portion of its western 
border, while on the south it is separated by the 
Ouse from the county of Suffolk ; the two names 
North-folk and South-folk indicating both the 
origin of these names and the relative position of 
the clans which originally dwelt here. 

Unlike most of Great Britain, the surface of 
Norfolk approximates a dead level, reclaimed 
probably, to a great extent, from the sea, but now, 
through the improvements of agriculture, made 
one of England's most fertile districts, and sup- 
1 



% LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

plying no small share of the crude material that 
nourishes the life of London. 

On the south-western border of the county, at 
the confluence of the Thet with the Ouse, and, as 
its name signifies, near what was anciently a ford- 
ing-place of the former river, stands the old town 
of Thet- ford, from which, in the last century, origi- 
nated the celebrated Thomas Paine, the apostle of 
democracy and infidelity ; and here, at an early 
part of the present century, was born Theodosia 
Ann Barker, afterwards Mrs. Dean, the subject of 
this book. These local notices are no otherwise 
important, than as meeting a demand in most 
readers to ascertain the place, as well as the time, 
of events ; and the name of Thomas Paine, in this 
connection, — the bramble and the grape, the thistle 
and the rose, drawing their life from the same soil, 
— affords a contrast with that of Mrs. Dean not un- 
like that of the predominating influence of the two 
centuries ; the one devoted to the propagation of 
infidelity, and the other of Christianity ; Paine, 
identified with a great movement in France and 
Europe to explode the religion of the cross, and 
Mrs. Dean, one of an army of modern missiona- 
ries, many of whom have died, and others still 
laboring, in the work of preaching the gospel to 
every creature. Paine's career was long, but ma- 
lignant ; while that of the subject of these notices 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 3 

was short, yet beneficent. The one died the vic- 
tim of his vices in the western, as the other the 
martyr of her zeal in the eastern, hemisphere. 
Regarding the two as the representative of their 
respective centuries, how much have we to be 
grateful for, that our lives have fallen upon a period 
so auspicious, in which the gospel, instead of being 
an object of virulent attack, threatening its over- 
throw, is sending forth its ambassadors of love and 
mercy, to impart to the ignorant knowledge, to the 
vicious virtue, to the despairing hope, and to the 
lost salvation. The infidelity of the past age 
glared like a meteor upon a scene of commotion 
and blood, as the missionary sun of the pres- 
ent reflects its beams upon one of peace and 
advancement unexampled in the history of the 
world. 

It might be thought that a short life of twenty- 
four years, scarce a quarter of which was devoted 
to the missionary work, is too insignificant to sup- 
ply materials for a book. But the spectacle of 
a young girl, fresh from the endearments of the 
nursery, abjuring the ties of kindred and home, 
spurning the repose, perhaps honor and affluence, 
of her native land, sacrificing the charm of refined 
society, and betaking herself, singly and alone, to 
a remote corner of the globe, where barbarism sits 
enthroned, and pestilence wasteth at noonday, that 



4 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

she might lahor, suffer, and die in imparting truth 
and love to besotted minds, gives too glowing an 
idea of the vigor of Christian principle to be left 
unrecorded and forgotten. It is one of those fruits 
of Christianity, after a lapse of eighteen centuries, 
which show how undying is its life, and which the 
world must powerfully feel, so long as it has a 
heart to sympathize in deeds of valor, benevolence, 
and magnanimity. 

These examples of heroic exposure in the cause 
of Christ form one of the most hopeful features 
of the age. The names of Wheelock, Coleman, 
Thomas, Macomber, Boardman, the two Mrs. Jud- 
son, the two Mrs. Dean, the two Mrs. Jones, Mr. 
and Mrs. Comstock, and many others, who have 
early died in the work of missions, are the richest 
treasure and brightest ornament of extant Christi- 
anity. That thousands of heathen have been 
converted, and the word of God translated into the 
languages of half the inhabitants of the globe, and 
a train of consequences have followed in the cause 
of civilization too prodigious to be computed, 
loudly as it pleads for the feasibility of missions, 
and the unabated energy of the gospel over bar- 
barian minds, does by no means speak so forcibly 
of the energy of Christ's spirit working in them 
that believe, as the voluntary expenditure of mus- 
cle, nerve, and blood, by which these successes 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. O 

have been achieved, and which some are indis- 
creetly inclined to deplore as unnecessary and 
cruel, if not positively murderous and abominable. 
Let us rather prize these gems in Zion's casket, and 
set them in brilliants, for the admiration of pos- 
terity. Yea, let us thank God that the nineteenth 
century has furnished examples so noble, so apos- 
tolical. 

Mrs. Dean was the younger of two daughters 
of Edmund Henry Barker, Esq., and born at 
Thetford, on the 29th of March, 1819. Her father, 
the son of Rev. Robert Barker, was a graduate of 
Trinity College, Cambridge, and the author and 
editor of several literary works ; among which 
were his Classical Recreations and Thesaurus, 
besides his new and enlarged editions of Lam- 
priere's Classical Dictionary, Parrienna, and several 
smaller productions. He died in London, in 
March, 1839, at the age of fifty years, leaving a 
widow, with two daughters. The elder of these 
was married to the Rev. Frederic Sims of May- 
land, Suffolk, with whom Mrs. Barker is now resid- 
ing. His youngest daughter, Theodosia, as the 
name indicates, was received by him " as a gift of 
God," and, during the years of her childhood, 
derived much advantage from his cultivated mind 
and studious habits. The intellectual qualities of 
her father seem, in an eminent degree, to have 
1* 



6 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

descended to her ; and, nurtured under his own 
hand, and by the attentions of a fond mother, they 
early ripened into a maturity which led to her ap- 
pointment to the China mission, when she was 
scarcely more than seventeen years of age. The 
elements of a sound education, and the com- 
mencement of that mental discipline which ap- 
peared so conspicuous in after life, may be traced 
to parental influence and assiduity. Who can 
estimate the force of parental example in giving 
character to posterity, and determining its des- 
tiny ? 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 7 

CHAPTER II. 

EAKLY TENDENCIES TO PIETY. 

The purifying influence of a tender conscience, 
of gracious affections, and a discreet regard to the 
proprieties of life, manifests itself in some at a 
very early age. The religious feelings of child- 
hood are often intense, as if Plato's fiction of the 
soul entering the body glowing with the fervors 
of a preexistent life might be true, and the senti- 
ments of devotion awakened at that early period 
are quite as apt to prove enduring as those of later 
growth. We are satisfied, from much observation 
on this point, that there is a very general failure 
to observe and duly appreciate these spiritual ten- 
dencies of children. They are set to the account 
of mere fancy or imitation of superiors, when, in 
fact, it is the voice of God speaking in their young 
hearts. As Eli was slow in comprehending that 
God had spoken to the child Samuel, so w 7 e are 
inclined to turn off the infant inquirer with a casual 
reply, " I called not, my son ; lie down again." 
u You are deceived ; go to sleep, my child, and 
think no more of it ; it is all fancy." Whereas 
the most energetic, the most useful, and the most 



8 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

enduring piety almost invariably begins in youtb, 
often before the education of the cradle and the 
nursery is complete. 

Theodosia was a remarkable instance of these 
gushing spiritual sympathies of the earliest years. 
In a paper that seems to be addressed to her hus- 
band, she says, " I think it may not be uninterest- 
ing to you to trace the first dawn of light upon 
my soul, and to watch its progress up to the present 
time. I will commence with the earliest period 
of my recollection. When quite a child, I can 
remember entertaining peculiar feelings in regard 
to religious subjects, and on Sabbath days I would 
put away my playthings, and select the graver of 
my childish books. I liked to go to church, and 
would sometimes remind my sister of some scrip- 
ture I had heard, when we were inclined to dis- 
pute. Subsequently to this, when I had been 
reproved by my parents for any fault, I would 
retire and pray for forgiveness, and that they might 
still forgive and love me ; and if they were ill, or 
otherwise in trouble, I delighted to pray for them. 
I remember lying awake many nights, in great 
distress of mind, trying to think of but one good 
thing I had done. I would, at such times, call to 
mind many things which at the time had appeared 
to me meritorious, and had perhaps cost some self 
denial ; but no — they sunk as dust in the balance, 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 



while my sins, faults, arid follies stood in frightful 
array before me. At this time, I had no one to 
whom I could relate my feelings, and I remained 
in this state of mind for some time." 

But her parents, as is too often the case under 
such circumstances, not understanding the real 
state of her mind, nor considering the kind of 
influence which she most of all needed, sent her 
to a school, the tone of which was such as to 
repress all these spiritual and exalted tendencies 
of her young heart. Or, perhaps, causes beyond 
their control led to this result. " At ten years of 
age," she says, " I was sent to school, where every 
thing was taught to qualify the pupil for her station 
in this world, while the one thing needful was neg- 
lected. Here I lost most of my former feelings, 
and while here I had a severe illness ; yet my 
heart was estranged from God." Sad estrange- 
ment ! And when the guilty cause is considered, 
what an admonition does the case present to those 
who have the care of the young ! Be careful not 
to quench that light in their souls which the Holy 
Spirit has kindled, lest you doom them to final woe 
and darkness. " From this time," she adds, " I 
remained at home for two years and a half, during 
which time my mind was again awakened." Hap- 
py the family in which tendencies so divine and 
heavenly are awakened and confirmed ! Precious 



10 



LIFE OF MIIS. DEAN. 



the house in which the theology of the heart is 
nourished and expanded ! 

Whether the following lines, written by her 
somewhat later in life, may not refer to this period, 
we are unable to say. They may at least be ap- 
propriately introduced in this place. 

" For what shall I praise thee, my God and my King ? 
For what blessings the tribute of gratitude bring ? 
Shall I praise thee for pleasure, for health, and for ease ? 
For the spring of delight and the sunshine of peace ? 

" Shall I praise thee for flowers that bloomed on my breast? 
For joys in prospective, or pleasures possessed ? 
For the spirits that heightened my day of delight, 
Or the slumbers that sat on my pillow at night ? 

** For this should I praise ! but if only for this, 

I should leave half untold the donation of bliss. 

I thank thee for sick?iess, for sorrow, and care ; 

For the thorns I have gathered, the anguish I bear ; — 

" For nights of anxiety, watching, and tears, 

A present of pain, a prospective of fears. 

I praise thee, I bless thee, my King and my God, 

For the good and the evil thy hand hath bestowed. 

" The flowers were sweet, but their fragrance is flown ; 
They yielded no fruit ; they are withered and gone : 
The thorn it was poignant, but precious to me ; 
'Twas the message of mercy, and led me to thee." 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 11 

CHAPTER III. 

SCHOOL-GIRL DAYS. 

Between the ages of thirteen and sixteen, a 
period so interesting to a young lady, Miss Barker 
was the favored inmate of a boarding-school in 
Bracondale, kept by the nieces of Henry Kirke 
White, where also, during the time, the mother of 
that renowned poet died. Here she acquired a 
familiarity with French, Spanish, and Italian, and 
made proficiency in other branches of female 
education, besides enjoying a high order of ad- 
vantages for moral improvement. She is said to 
have acquired her lessons with so much readiness, 
that, after completing an amount of study far above 
her years, she was in the daily habit of aiding 
others, even her superiors in age, in acquiring their 
tasks. The estimation in which she was held by 
her teachers and fellow-pupils, may be gathered 
from the following extracts of letters at this period : — 

Sloley, July 12, 1832. 
My dearest Theodosia : — 

I owe a thousand thanks to that noble sentiment* 
courage, which has at length succeeded in prevailing 



12 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

upon you to favor me with a few lines, and those, 
too, which give credit both to your heart and head. 
It was quite an unexpected pleasure, and therefore 
the more gratifying, especially as it afforded me 
the agreeable employment of ansivering instead of 
tvriting a letter. I was very happy to hear of 
your pleasant journey to Thetford, and that you 
found your sister was so nearly restored to health. 
This, I am sure, is a sincere and heart- felt pleasure 
to you, for I don't know of one more calculated to 
feel in all their warmth the endearing ties attached 
to the sweet epithet of sister ! — Since you left 
Bracondale, we have had the white washers, the 
painters, the joiners, &c, &c, who have been 
busily employed in beautifying the house, and I im- 
agine you will think so when you see it, especially 
the dining-room, which is entirely metamorphosed, 
being painted a very delicate primrose, with a tint 
of lemon. The workmen did not favor us with 
their absence till last Tuesday, and you can form 
some slight idea of the bustle and confusion we 
have been in since the commencement of the 
vacation. But every thing will be in due order for 
your return J;o Bracondale, and I am sure every 
body will be ready to give you a hearty welcome. 
It affords me real gratification at being enabled to 
give you a most favorable account of my dearest 
grandmother, (the mother of Kirke White.) Since 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 13 

her arrival here, which is about a month, she has 
been considerably better, but is still very weak 
and languid at times, which, I fear, we must expect 
for one so far advanced in years. 

According to custom, I have filled my sheet 
before I even stopped to think whether my friend 
has not wished my pen a quill, and aiding the 
movements of some noble goose, instead of em- 
bodying my ideas in black and white, and that 
too in no small form, but positively extended over 
three white sides of a sheet, with ends and crossings 
amounting to another long side ! But I will weary 
your patience no longer than to request you to 
accept and present to your respected family the 
kind remembrances of my own, in which I beg to 
join ; and with my best love to yourself, believe 
me your much attached and sincere friend, 

L . 

The two following letters, from the same, allude 
to the last sickness and death of the honored mother 
of Henry Kirke White : — 

Bracondale, Jan. 3, 1833. 
My dearest Theodosia : — 

I have no doubt you think it long before I fulfil 
my promise of writing ; but I feel assured that your 
generous heart will fully admit of the excuse I am 
2 



14 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

most seriously grieved to allege for my protracted 
silence. The continued, nay, increased state of 
weakness to which my beloved grandmamma is now 
reduced, so entirely engrosses the attention of those 
around her, that days and weeks, as it were, slip on 
untold. It is this same distressing cause which 
induces my aunt Catherine to employ me in con- 
veying to your dear mamma her grateful thanks for 
the kind letter she sent the other day, and the 
still kinder inquiries after our dear invalid. She 
begs me to add, that at present she is so much 
occupied with my dearest grandmamma, that she 
hopes Mrs. Barker will not think her negligent in 
allowing a few days to elapse before she answers 
the contents of her gratifying letter. I am sure 
you will be deeply concerned to hear that this 
invaluable but aged relative is considerably en- 
feebled since you left Bracondale. She is now 
obliged to be carried to and from her bed-room, 
and this is sometimes even more than she is able 
to support, so entirely incapable is she now of the 
slightest exertion. Though a constant and painful 
sufferer, she is ever cheerful, relying with a true 
Christian confidence on the merits of that Re- 
deemer who shed his own most precious blood on 
the cross to cleanse us from every sin ; and he has 
declared that he will never cast out him that 
cometh unto him in sincerity and faith. 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 15 

Though you, my dear Theodosia, have known 
my dearest grandmamma but a short time, yet you 
can testify that her course here has been that of 
the bright Christian. But bright as it may have 
been on earth, it will be still more transcendently 
bright in those realms where alone sin is entirely 
chased away, and where the true Christian receives 
that crown of glory bought with the precious blood 
of a merciful Saviour. Did I not know that your 
heart sympathized with my own, I might feel the 
necessity of apologizing for my prolixity ; but as it 
is, I am certain your feelings will reciprocate mine, 
though detailed at some length. 

You already know my prediction for the new 
pupil ; but I cannot resist the temptation of sending 
you, in black and white, renewed assertions of my 
delight that next half year is to bring back our 
dear Theodosia, accompanied by her sister, as an 
addition to our study circle. Pray remember me 

most kindly to her, as well as to little Miss C *. 

It was truly gratifying to my aunt Catherine, and us 
all, to hear your mamma express herself so well 
satisfied with the improvement you had made dur- 
ing the last half year. Believe me, dear Theo- 
dosia, it is the first of temporal pleasures, and it is 
the first of temporal duties, to endeavor, by our own 
diligence and perseverance, to answer the fond 
expectations of tender parents. 



16 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

I expected to have added a little more to this 
letter, but find I have not time. Let me then offer 
you the usual compliments of the present season, 
together with my warmest affection and kindest 
love, which I hope you will likewise convey to 
your dear sister, and believe me, 

Your sincerely attached friend, 

L . 

In a postscript to the above, the person there 
alluded to under the title of " aunt Catherine," adds : 

Will you, my dear girl, say to your dear mamma, 
with my kind regards, that I hope to reply to her 
obliging inquiries very shortly, but my time is now 
so entirely engrossed with my dying parent, that I 
have neither the spirits nor the opportunity to 
attend to any claims unconnected with this beloved 
object of my present unceasing solicitude. I feel 
assured your own affectionate parent will enter 
into my feelings at this trying season, and pardon 
this delay. With best love and regards, 

I am yours, affectionately, 

C. B. White. 

Tivetshall, Jan. 29, 1833. 
My dearest Theodosia ; — ■ 

Your affectionate note was put into my hands 
but two days previous to the departure of my 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 17 

beloved and now sainted grandmamma to those 
realms of bliss where the true Christian receives the 
crown of glory bought by a Redeemer's precious 
blood. 

We can truly say she slept in Jesus, for only 
two short sighs escaped her lips, and her happy 
soul had left its earthly tenement to wing its flight 
to God, there to dwell with him forever happy, 
and join the heavenly host who stand around 
the throne and sing their great Creator's praise. 
Deeply as we feel the loss of such a valued and 
revered relative, yet her sufferings, for a month 
or two before she quitted this vale of tears, were 
so constant and acute, that it seemed selfish in 
those who witnessed them to wish her longer to 
tarry here. She has, indeed, left behind her a rich 
inheritance ; for the prayers and blessings of such 
a relative are far more than silver or gold. O, 
may we "all so run the way of righteousness and 
duty here, that we may, like her, be found worthy 
of such a glorious reward ! And may the grace 
of God enable us so to do ; for we have no power 
of ourselves, no, not even to think a good thought. 
It is soothing to know that there are some who 
will sympathize with us in this heavy bereavement. 
I feel that my dear Theodosia will, for she has 
both seen and known the dear object of our 
mourning. But our sorrow is not a hopeless sor- 
2* 



18 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

row ; for we are assured that it is far better to be 
with Christ above, than to dwell amidst earthly 
scenes, and we have every reason to believe that 
this is the happy lot of her, who, while on earth, 
made religion her first and great concern. I am 
truly thankful to say, that my dear aunt Catherine 
has been most wonderfully supported under her 
late distressing bereavement, but she knew the 
source from whence to derive strength and con- 
solation, and most abundantly has it been granted 
to her by that all-merciful Being, who has declared 
that he will never leave nor forsake those who put 
their trust and confidence in him. 

I am at present staying with my uncle and aunt 
Neville,* at Tivetshall. You have already had 
many well-told descriptions of this place from my 
little cousins. I will therefore only add, that it 
j must indeed be a charming place in summer. My 
uncle Neville wishes me to say, that it will give 
him great pleasure to see Mr. Barker as he passes 
on his way to and from Norwich. I do not hesi- 
tate to say, that when your dear sister becomes 
initiated into the regular routine of the Bracondale 
studies, she will find them neither painfully irk- 
some nor arduous. The seasons for study are 
judiciously tempered with portions of time for 

* The Rev. Neville White, brother to Henry Kirke 
White. 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 19 

recreation : but you yourself can testify to the truth 
of my assertion, at least if your ever-cheerful 
countenance is an index to your heart and feelings. 
Will you give my kind love to her, as well as to 

Miss C ? not forgetting to include yourself in 

no small share of my warmest affection and sin- 
cere esteem. And believe me, dear Theodosia, 
Your much attached friend, 

L . 

Bracondale, July 24, 1834. 
My dearest Theodosia : — 

Allow me to offer to dear Fanny and yourself 
the tribute of my sincerest gratitude for 'your ex- 
treme kindness to me during my late very happy 
visit at Thetford. Much as I loved you before, I 
now find my affection was capable of increase ; 
and earnestly do I trust, that the friendship begun 
under such happy auspices will ever burn with a 
constant, steady flame in each of our hearts. 
Dear Mrs. Barker's parting words, often, very often, 
resound in my ears, and, I can truly say, are as 
often followed on my part with an earnest desire 
that I may be enabled to render myself worthy of 
the confidence reposed in me, and that we may 
each one prove a " faithful bosom friend.'" It was 
not till I had reached home, and chatted away 
nearly half an hour, that, having occasion to dive 



20 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

to the bottom of my bag, I found your sweet little 
book and affectionate note. Accept, then, from 
the bottom of my heart, my warmest thanks for 
both these treasures, with sincere wishes that you 
may be strengthened to act up to the sentiments 
contained in the latter. I have already begun the 
work so kindly sent me by Mr. Barker, and feel 
myself interested in the perusal of its pages. It 
was with no small degree of pleasure, perhaps 
pride, I showed his handwriting on that early copy 
of the " Deserted Village." Have you found time 
to open an Italian book since my departure ? Pray 
continue in some way or other to accomplish it, 
and, if possible, read aloud. It is the only way to 
improve the pronunciation. It requires some prac- 
tice to trill the R, which is so essential a point with 
this charming language. Little as I played upon 
your piano, I was most forcibly struck with the 
contrast between it and our own. More than a 
dozen years' hard service has somewhat unstrung 
our venerable instrument ; and, like some ruined 
fortress, it now offers little or no resistance to a 
hundred little fingers which daily strike its pliant 
keys. I think it deserves to be pensioned off, 
whenever its place is supplied with a new one. 

I can with truth return you a negative answer to 
your query, whether my old lessons in music are 
" perfect," for this cogent reason, — I have never 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 21 

touched a note of them since our last lesson ; and 
you well know how near they then approached the 
" ne plus ultra." And as to reading Italian, I fear 
a few pages of Tasso will be all I shall be able to 
accomplish this vacation. 

I must now request you to present my very best 
love to dear Mrs. Barker and Fanny. With kind- 
est remembrances to Mr. Barker, believe me 
Your devotedly attached friend, 

L . 

The following note, accompanied with a birth- 
day present, was dated 

Beacondale, March — , 1835. 
My dearest Theodosia : — 

You will be surprised to see my handwriting 
accompanying a parcel which you are to receive 
as coming from an absent sister ; but, as this near 
relation was unable to procure the contents of the 
same at Thetford, she commissioned me to obtain 
them for you. Though this wish of dear Fan- 
ny's could not but gratify the best feelings of 
my heart, yet be not surprised when I tell you that 
no small regret and disappointment took possession 
of my heart, when I found myself thus deprived 
of the means of fulfilling a long and fondly cher- 
ished intention of giving you myself a copy of the 



22 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

Remains of my highly-gifted, and now sainted, 
uncle, Henry Kirke White. Yes, dear Theodosia, 
he who sung so sweetly Bethlehem's bright star, 
is now, no doubt, enjoying its heavenly beams, 
" safely moored " on the eternal shores, there to 
dwell "forever and forevermore." 

Sweet as would have been the gratification of 
presenting you this dear book, yet I could not 
think of usurping a sister's right, especially as she 
was not present to defend her own cause, and had 
appointed me to procure for you the identical book. 
I have nothing substantial, my dear Theodosia, 
to offer you at this interesting period, at least so 
far as that term applies to presents, &c, &c. ; but 
I am quite sure that friendship like ours is not 
computed by such trifles, and I shall then simply 
offer you, with feelings of deep and affectionate 
regard, my fondest wishes that many a happy 
year may roll over your head, and ever bring with 
them an increase of heavenly wisdom and divine 
grace, through which alone we are enabled to keep 
in the right way, and press onward in our course to 
heaven. 

With every sentiment of sincere esteem and 
friendshin, believe me 

Your tenderly attached friend, 

L . 






LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 23 

The following accompanied the presentation of 
a copy of the Life of Lord Byron, by Gall : — 

I have read it myself, and derived much in- 
struction from its pages. The close of this mighty 
poet's life is but a dreary scene. No hope full 
of immortality cheered the dark valley of the 
shadow of death. No ; that soul which had seemed 
so lofty, and had so often charmed and moved the 
world by its flights into the aerial regions of poetry 
and fancy, was now dark and gloomy, not daring 
to look back on the past, and dreading, with awful 
fear, the future. And so, my dearest Theodosia, 
is every soul, however enlightened, unless the light 
of the Holy Spirit is in it, and the love of a cruci- 
fied Redeemer warms it with heavenly affections. 
O, may you and I, and all near and dear to us, 
flee to this dear Saviour in faith, and he will not 
cast us out. 

I have not time to add more than my sincere 
friendship and affection. 

Yours, L . 

Thus Theodosia's bark of life floated on a sweet 
stream of love and friendship, from thirteen to six- 
teen, during which period her heart was savingly 
renew r ed by divine grace, and her intellect enlarged 
to an extent far beyond her years. This was a glow- 



24 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

ing period to her, full of rich material for her sub- 
sequent recollections, full of hope, of joy, and of 
high resolves. The soil of her mind was too rich 
to deny an ample harvest to such cultivation and 
cultivators. What with the division of her time 
between Bracondale society and the endearments 
of home, and what with the fervid excitement of 
her expanding faculties, and what with the charm 
of country life in England in so many ways iden- 
tified with the immortality of genius, and what 
with the aspirations of her renewed life in Christ, 
those were years pregnant with consequences to 
herself the most important and enduring. It was 
probably the association of this halcyon period 
that in after years suggested the following beautiful 
and truly poetical 

REVERIE. 

O that, in unfettered union, > 

Spirit could with spirit blend ! 
O that, in unseen communion, 

Thought could hold the distant friend ! 
Who the secrets can unravel 

Of the body's mystic guest ? 
Who knows how the soul can travel 

While unconsciously we rest ? 

While in pleasing thraldom lying, 
Sealed in slumber deep it seems ; 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 25 

Far abroad it may be flying ; 

What is sleep, and what are dreams ? 
Earth, how narrow thy dominions, 

And how slow the body's pace ! 
O, to range, on eagle's pinions, 

Through illimitable space ! 

What is thought in wild succession ? 

Whence proceeds the motley train r 
What first stamps the vain impression 

On the ever- active brain ? 
W r hat is thought, and whither tending 

Does the subtle phantom flee ? 
Does it, like a moonbeam ending, 

Shine, then melt to vacancy ? 

Has a strange, mysterious feeling, 

Something shapeless, undefined, 
O'er thy lonely musing stealing, 

Ne'er impressed thy pensive mind ? 
As if he, whose strong resemblance 

Fancy in that moment drew, 
By coincident remembrance, 

Knew your thoughts, and thought of you. 

When, at Mercy's footstool bending, 

Thou hast felt a secret glow, 
Faith and hope to heaven ascending, 

Love still lingering here below, 
Say, did ne'er the thought impress thee, 

That thy friend might feel thy prayer ? 
Or the wish at least possess thee, 

He could then thy feelings share ? 
3 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

Whither went that fervent blessing ? 

Angels, did ye see it rise ? 
Do ye thus, your love expressing, 

Watch o'er human sympathies ? 
Do ye seme mysterious token 

To the kindest bosom bear ? 
And, to what the heart hath spoken, 

Wake a cord responsive there ? 

Dimly through life's vapor seeing, 

Who but longs for light to break ? 
O, this feverish dream of being ! 

When, my friends, shall we awake ? 
Let, then, thought hold sweet communion ; 

Let us breathe the mutual prayer ; 
Still in heaven's eternal union, 

O my friend, to meet thee there ! 

Laws, perhaps unknown, but certain, 

Kinder spirits may control ; 
But what hand can lift the curtain, 

And reveal the awful soul ? 
Yes, the hour, the hour is hasting ; 

Spirit shall with spirit blend ; 
Fast mortality is wasting ; 

Then the secret all shall end. 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 27 

CHAPTER IV. 

HER CONVERSION. 

She was accustomed to date her hopeful re- 
newal to a new life by the Holy Spirit with the 
fourteenth year of her age, and the second of her 
connection with the Bracondale school. In her 
statement to the church at Bangkok, Siam, prior to 
her baptism, she says, " You are perhaps already 
aware that I was educated in the Established Church 
of England, and while in that church I expe- 
rienced, as I trust, that change of heart which our 
Saviour declares to be necessary to inherit eternal 
life. This took place when I was about fourteen, 
at which time I was confirmed ; but, according to 
a frequent custom in the establishment, did not 
become a communicant till three years after." 

After stating some facts in reference to a change 
of religious views, which we will reserve to another 
place, she adds, " Having thus briefly detailed my 
past feelings and sentiments, I now offer myself as 
a candidate for baptism, and will only say, that 
though I feel deeply my own sinfulness and unwor- 
thiness, yet I fully believe, that He who has called 
me by his grace will not forsake me ; but though 



28 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

I may oft offend and grieve him, he will still heal 
all my backslidings, reclaim and pardon me for 
my Redeemer's sake. By the act which I now 
contemplate, I cannot say that I feel any more ob- 
ligation to serve the Lord than before ; but 1 do 
trust that the Lord will enable me to renew my 
self-dedication to him, henceforth to serve him 
faithfully unto death. With regard to my views 
on the leading doctrines of Christianity, I do not 
consider it necessary to state them at length, as I 
believe them to be in harmony with those of Chris- 
tians in general, and they have all been fully de- 
tailed to the committee of the society, and approved 
by them," — that is, of the society from which she 
received her appointment to the China mission. 

A young person, naturally amiable and carefully 
educated in religion, into whose earliest ideas and 
feeling its influences have been wrought as part 
and parcel of her conscious life, could not be sup- 
posed to have the same mental conflict, or to un- 
dergo the same marked transition, in becoming a 
Christian, with one who has lived all his days in a 
total neglect of the subject. Religion is submis- 
sion to God ; and a mind duly trained to habits of 
subordination will come to the surrender with 
much less conflict than one whose spirit is un- 
broken and refractory. Religion involves tender- 
ness of conscience, or sensibilities keenly alive to. 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 29 

the distinctions of right and wrong, and the obliga- 
tions of duty ; and how should not one in whom 
this faculty is duly cultivated meet the claims of 
the gospel more readily, and with less conflict, than 
one whose " mind and conscience is defiled " ? 
Yea, religion is the subordination of our appetites, 
passions, and lower impulsions to our reason, and 
the higher dictates of our nature, which the apos- 
tle calls " the law of our minds ; " and will not 
one accustomed to this subordination more readily 
come under those further restraints which the gos- 
pel imposes, than one who is a mere creature of 
impulse ? Were it otherwise, where would be the 
encouragement to religious training ? What hope 
would there be, in bringing up our children in the 
nurture and admonition of the Lord, that we should 
more easily and certainly conduct them to Christ 
and salvation, if there were no efficiency in Chris- 
tian nurture for preparing and predisposing them 
for such a result ? " Train up a child in the way 
he should go, and when he is old he will not de- 
part from it," is a maxim of inspired wisdom most 
extensively justified by the facts of human experi- 
ence. In Scotland, and in the best-trained por- 
tions of English society, as well as of our own 
country, the young often grow up into religion, and 
become members of the church, and persons of 
decided piety, by a process so gradual, that no one, 
3* 



GO LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

not even the persons themselves, are conscious of 
any crisis of regeneration, or any marked and 
convulsive transition, such as is very generally 
considered necessary to this work. 

We must not be understood to intimate that the 
necessity of regeneration can be superseded by 
any process of education, but only that the mode 
of its manifestation is changed. Yea, a crisis will 
no doubt exist, at which the soul passes from death 
to life ; though, when preceded by a due cultiva- 
tion of the mind and heart, it may be brought 
on so gradually as not to be perceptible to the 
individual himself. Many of our best Christians 
are unable to fix the exact time of their conver- 
sion. 

Miss Barker's was not a case that admitted of 
the convulsive throes sometimes witnessed in re- 
generation, because her moral feelings had been 
too highly disciplined to admit of it, and spiritual 
ideas and associations had been too much the pre- 
vious habit of her m'md. Revivals of religion, in 
their most convulsive characteristics, would, no 
doubt, be greatly modified, if children generally 
were piously trained. However this process may 
have been conducted in the mind of Miss Barker, 
its results were marked and decided. Her spirit 
was eminently evangelical, as is evinced not only 
by her sacrifices for Christ's sake, but by many 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 31 

things from her pen, in prose and verse, of which 
the following is a specimen : — 

Lord, who hast bled and died for me, 

I thankfully resign 
All that I have, to be 

Now and forever thine. 

Oft have I vowed that I would give 

To thee my mortal days, 
That to thy honor I would live, 

And, dying, speak thy praise. 

Take thou possession of my soul, 

And all its sin subdue ; 
Its pride abase, its lusts control, 

And fashion all things new. 

But, ah ! how oft my vows I broke, 

My best resolves forgot ! 
And though my dying Savior spoke, 

My heart regarded not. 

Yet turn, O, turn me, gracious God, 

And leave me not to die ; 
From the vile paths which I have trod 

I would forever fly. 

And here, again, I give to thee 

This guilty soul of mine ; 
In time and through eternity, 

O, make and keep me thine ! 



32 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

About this time, Miss Barker was much exer- 
cised in regard to some personal duties of a reli- 
gious character, from which, in consequence of 
her natural timidity and self-depreciation, she 
shrunk back, and in regard to which she had 
sought counsel of her friend, who, in reply, 
says, — 

I promised to answer the few, but important, 
words you addressed to me a short time since ; and 
as this is a quiet hour, I avail myself of it for 
this sweet employment. Poor and mixed with sin 
as my prayers are, I have not failed long ere this 
to remember you in these, I would humbly trust, 
my best moments ; but O, how far, very far short 
do they come of the " effectual fervent prayer of 
the righteous," of whom you speak. But, blessed 
be God, we are not saved nor judged according to 
our deeds ; for, if we were, nothing could save us 
from eternal misery. Remember, my sweet 
friend, that Christ is made perfect in weakness. 
He will teach us how to pray. He is the Author 
and Finisher of our faith. Trust in him for grace 
to confess him before men, and he will confess 
thee before his Father in heaven. He who has 
begun the good work in your soul will not leave it 
undone. Pardon this freedom in one who is her- 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 33 

self constantly sinning and doing that which she 
would not. But, O, there is a merciful Saviour 
ever ready ; nay, inviting and beseeching us to put 
our whole trust and confidence in him. His grace 
is sufficient for us. O dearest friend, may you 
and I, and all dear to us, have grace to cling close 
to this precious Saviour. May he manifest himself 
to our souls, and lead us in the right way. Dear 
Theodosia, think what a joy, both present and eter- 
nal, will it be, should you be the humble, but hon- 
ored, means of turning the hearts of those you 
love to God. He is often pleased to make use of 
weak instruments, that the glory may be ascribed 
to him alone. Let us pray for each other ; and 
may the Saviour, on whom we trust, put right 
thoughts into our hearts, and give us grace to press 
onward in the right way, clinging close to him, and 
leaning on him alone for salvation. I know you 
can and will join me in those sweet words of 
Cowper, — 

" O for a closer walk with God, 
A calm and heavenly frame, 
A light to shine upon the road 
That leads me to the Lamb ! " 

u One star alone, of all the train, can fix the 
sinner's wandering eye," and lead him safe to 



34 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

heaven. O dear Theodosia, may we have more 
faith. 

With fervent prayer for our mutual growth in 
grace, believe me, 

Sincerely and fondly yours, 

L . 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 35 

CHAPTER V. 

FAILURE OF HEALTH. 

Many a gifted intellect is excited to an extent 
of exercise and emotion, in acquiring an education, 
which hopelessly prostrates the firmest health, and 
incapacitates for further service ; just as the intense 
heat to which a furnace is raised in fusing the ore 
consumes the stony enclosure in which it is con- 
fined, and expires through the failure of that by 
means of which it subsisted. Even the fond hope 
of doting parents, from the endowments of a prom- 
ising child, by leading them too soon to inflame its 
young ambition, often terminates in disappointment 
and inconsolable grief over the early grave of its 
agonized victim. The swan-song of German story, 
sweet and enrapturing as were its transient notes, 
proved too much for the ambitious bird that had 
sighed to utter them, and became the requiem of 
its own doom. 

Miss Barker was a fair subject for this mode of 
death, as may be seen from the following extracts 
of letters addressed to her about the time oi clos- 
ing her studies at Bracondale : — 



36 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

Sloley, September 20, 1835. 
My own dear Theodosia : — 

How very grateful it is to my feelings to be 
again permitted to commune with you, though it 
is only through the medium of my pen ! Often, 
or rather daily, have I held communion with my 
sweet friend, in imagination, since our separation. 
But, before I enter into particulars concerning my- 
self, allow me, on the ground of sincere and fond 
friendship, to give you a little advice. I have 
learned, from the last letter of my dear sister to 
me, that you are fagging hard, very hard, at your 
studies. This, my dear Doshy, is highly praise- 
worthy in itself ; but allow one who has so recently 
experienced the value of health by a short depri- 
vation of the same, to say that no motives can 
justify a disregard to this chief of earthly bless- 
ings ; which latter course, I fear, my friend is at 
present pursuing, by refusing to abate in the small- 
est degree her mental exertions, when herself, and 
those who so anxiously watch over her, perceive 
that the body so loudly calls for a temporary ces- 
sation from such undue labor. I say undue, my 
dear Doshy, because I am convinced, with abilities 
like yours, such close application is not necessary. 
Had you trifled away every half year previous to 
this, then such unwearied and forced exertions 
might be required to make up for loss of time. 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 37 

But, without one atom of flattery, let me assure 
you this has never been your case. Therefore, if 
you love your parents, if you love your only sister, 
if you love your friends and teachers, you will 
cease to pain and grieve them by such a total dis- 
regard of your health and strength. Do, my dear 
friend, answer me this question : Of what use would 
all your mental stores be, should the acquisition of 
them make a wreck of your constitution ? Shall I 
tell you ? Just as much as a fair wind and tide to 
a richly-laden, but stranded and shattered vessel. 
You wish to be a comfort to your mother. Will 
she, do you think, be comforted to hear that health 
is no longer yours? — that mother who so reluc- 
tantly allowed you to leave her parental care to 
pursue a regular course of study ! O, how dis- 
tressed would she be to know that her unwilling 
consent has given a sanction, in her daughter's 
opinion, to make any exertion, without regard to 
health or strength, which cannot fail to suffer from 
the same ! Let us remember, besides, my ow T n 
Theodosia, that we are not our own ; we have no 
right to trifle with our health and strength. They 
are gifts from Him who will require us to give an 
account of the use we have made of them. May 
you and I, and all those dear to us, have grace in 
Christ Jesus to use them to his service and glory ; 
and then, and then only, shall we not abuse them. 
4 



38 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

I have many things more I should like to say to 
you, but I can now only reiterate my fond and 
earnest entreaties, that you will attend to what I 
have said feebly, as I have expressed myself on a 
subject which lies so near my heart, and which I 
so strongly feel. Accept the ever-faithful friend- 
ship of your sincere and fond 

N . 

The following, from one who had engaged with 
her in study, and, at the same time, shared a part 
in her instructions, was received on leaving school, 
December 16, 1835 : — 

My ever-dear Theodosia : — 

The long and happy, very happy acquaintance 
we have been permitted to enjoy is now very 
quickly drawing to a close ; at least, so far as 
relates to personal intercourse. Indeed, when you 
peruse these hurried lines, you will no doubt be at 
Thetford, and that separation which I have scarcely 
ventured to think of will actually have taken place. 
How delightful is the thought that absence cannot 
cut asunder the closer and fonder tie which binds 
our hearts together, and which I fervently hope 
and trust has its origin in Christian , and therefore 
sincere, friendship ! Thank you, dear friend, for 
all the inexhaustible kindness I have ever received 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 6\) 

at your hand. To you my heart owes the first 
true feeling of friendship ; and though the depth 
of our affection may render the pangs of separation 
doubly acute, yet they will eventually sweeten the 
pains of absence, by the assurance that we live as 
entirely as ever in each other's hearts. May the 
friendship thus begun on earth be perfected in 
heaven, where separation is not known, or sighing 
ever heard. May we both be enabled to pass on- 
ward in the right way, through grace in Christ 
Jesus, whose precious blood alone purchased the 
redemption of mankind and the salvation of every 
sinner that repenteth. Only think, beloved friend, 
should our friendship be really grounded on true 
Christian principles, not even death can dissolve it- 
No, it will only end it here, to make it live forever 
in heaven, where all is love, and joy, and peace, 
forevermore. I could wish to say much on this 
subject, but I cannot express in words all I feel ; 
nor, indeed, have I time to write at length, just 
now. 1 have, therefore, written very briefly, and 
still more weakly, on a subject which I humbly 
trust is very dear to my heart. O that it were 
more so ! That it may be the first and great con- 
cern of both our souls and the souls of those dear 
to us, is my constant prayer. May it please God 
to restore your health and strength, and long, very 
long, continue you a blessing and a comfort to your 



40 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

dear family, for Jesus Christ's sake. With tender 
love and fond wishes for your welfare, both present 
and future, believe me, 

Your sincerely attached and affectionate friend, 

L . 

The state of her health alluded to above had 
been impaired by intense application to study, and 
continued delicate till the time of her leaving her 
native country. But she was quite restored by 
the voyage to China ; so that, on her arrival, the 
freshness and bloom of health was the subject of 
general remark by those who saw her. Thus one 
of the main objections to her becoming a mis- 
sionary — her feeble health — was obviated by the 
providence of God ; and what her friends feared 
might prove her death was the means of re- 
invigorating her constitution, and, but for an event 
that might have happened any where, would prob- 
ably have prolonged her life. It is difficult to 
anticipate beforehand what constitution will best 
endure being transplanted to an Eastern climate, 
our expectations being often disappointed, some- 
times happily and sometimes painfully. 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 41 

CHAPTER YI. 

HER PURPOSE OF BECOMING A MISSIONARY. 

It is not improbable that the severity of Miss 
Barker's studies may have arisen, in part, from a 
feeling that she had a special service in the cause 
of her Master to perform, for which she needed to 
prepare herself. It is no uncommon thing for 
piety to arouse and concentrate energies other- 
wise much more likely than hers to go to waste. 
At what precise time this impulse began to take a 
direction towards a foreign field of labor, we have 
not the means of determining ; though it must have 
been as early as her fifteenth or sixteenth year, 
for she received her appointment to China when 
she was but seventeen. It is reasonable to pre- 
sume that at least two years were consumed in 
reaching this result. 

For a girl so young to entertain the idea of 
leaving her home and an endeared circle of 
friends, to go to the opposite side of the globe to 
impart her religion to heathen women, amid all 
the dangers, privations, and embarrassments of 
such an enterprise, might be thought the mere 
prompting of childish fancy, that would expire 
4* 



42 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

with the first rebuke of her superiors. But no ; 
in the case of Miss Barker, when the rebuke 
reached her, as it did from various quarters, it 
found her unmoved and sustained by all the 
deliberation and decision of maturer years. The 
following extract from one of her revered corre- 
spondents betrayed the feelings of many others : — 

My dear Theodosia : — 

The contents of your last did, indeed, surprise 
me. Little did I think, when you remarked in one 
of your letters, that you knew not when and where 
we should meet again, that an enterprise fraught 
with such peril was then absorbing all your thoughts 
and all your prayers. The path to heaven through 
this troublous world has ever been strewed with 
thorns ; but the course of a missionary — who can 
describe its perils, or conceive its dangers and 
privations ? Do not, for a moment, my ever-dear 
friend, think that I have said this to discourage 
you. Far from it. 

The real feelings indicated by the foregoing 
hints and innuendoes are fully expressed by another 
correspondent, probably from the same source : — 

My ever-dear Theodosia : — 

Learning from your letter to my sister H , 

a few days back, that you are expected to leave 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 43 

Thetford on the 5th of this month, I hasten to write 
you once more, before that day occurs. Much as 
I admire the excellent motives and strong faith that 
doubtless actuate you in the step you are perhaps 
about to take, I must, to be candid with such a 
dear friend as yourself, confess I cannot approve 
of your undertaking such a hazardous enterprise. 
My sentiments in respect to your own individual 
piety and fervent, love to your Redeemer [she was 
probably one whom the Committee had addressed 
on the subject before appointing Miss Barker to 
China] are, and ever must be, the same. But I 
do think your own native land offers ample oppor- 
tunities for manifesting that piety and love. Be- 
sides, when I contemplate your extreme youth, 
and certainly delicate frame, I tremble to think 
how many circumstances may arise, which may so 
soon cut short your powers of usefulness, and de- 
prive, not only your parents, but your friends, of 
a dear and valued member of society. 

Have you, my dear Theodosia, viewed the mat- 
ter in this light ? I can truly say that these and 
many other equally painful thoughts have occupied 
my mind day and night ; and I do not exaggerate 
when I say that not an hour elapses when you are 
not the subject of my thoughts. That your path 
of duty may be made plain before you, is, indeed, 
my daily prayer. And it is from a deep sense of 
duty on my part that I have ventured to open 



44 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

to you the secret workings of my heart, and to 
speak thus long and fully of myself. I must, how- 
ever, add, that my sisters, one and all, entertain 
similar sentiments on the subject. And had you, 
my dear friend, written ere too many active steps 
had been taken, I feel assured that, if sincere and 
well-meditated advice on our part could have dis- 
suaded you from this great project, we should 
now have the pleasure of seeing you exerting all 
your powers for the welfare of your own country- 
men. They, too, my dear Theodosia, have souls ; 
and I cannot, at present, see that so young a 
person as yourself is called upon to risk all in a 
foreign land, especially when there are so many 
facilities now offered, whereby the sincerest and 
most actively inclined Christian may be of essential 
service in promoting the best welfare of even the 
poor benighted heathen at home. 

Do carefully consider what I have said. I think 
you have known me so long as to feel con- 
vinced that no trifling or selfish motives have ac- 
tuated me to write thus. And I again repeat, 
though I love and revere your fervent and early 
piety, I dare not, as a fellow-creature and a friend, 
sanction your taking upon yourself such an ardu- 
ous and responsible office. I know you will say, 
our own strength is weakness, and that you do 
not rely on that. No, my dear Theodosia, nor do 
I ; but I feel that almighty aid and strength are as 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 45 

essential to the well-doing of a Christian at home 

as abroad. M has been staying with us, and 

desires me to assure you of her tender love and 
fervent hope that, in the important step you are 
about to take, you may have been guided from 
above. At the same time, she wished me to add, 
that her reason for not having written you on the 
subject has arisen solely from her feeling that she 
could not conscientiously sanction your engaging 
in so arduous and hazardous an undertaking, at 
your tender years, and with your naturally delicate 
constitution. Had you advised with her before 
matters had proceeded so far, she would certainly 
have used all her influence to dissuade you from 
embarking in such a project. Cordially as she 
wishes well to the missionary cause you are going 
to labor in, and much as she admires the strong 
faith which manifests itself in your determination, 
she, like ourselves, considers that, with your talents 
and sterling piety, quite as wide a sphere of use- 
fulness might be found for you in your own native 
land, where you might equally serve your great 
Lord and Master, as in this important affair, per- 
haps so soon to be concluded. 

With tender love from each one, and fervent 
prayers on your behalf, believe me, as ever, fondly 
and sincerely your friend, 

N . 



4b LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

Natural and plausible as these sentiments are, 
coming, too, from a source to which she had been 
accustomed to submit her opinions, and therefore, 
in every point of view, calculated to put her con- 
stancy to the severest test, still her purpose was 
unshaken. Indeed, that purpose, in Miss Barker, 
was not the mere fruit of emotional piety, but of 
a maturity of judgment quite in advance of her 
years. In addition to the warmth of her feelings, 
both social and religious, the ardor of her imagina- 
tion, and the glow of her youthful hopes, she pos- 
sessed uncommon sobriety of mind, soundness of 
judgment, and independence of thought, which 
gave her a just balance of character, and secured 
her against the extravagances of an enthusiastic 
fancy, at the same time that it protected her against 
a blind and servile submission to the leading of 
others. She felt the inward consciousness of being 
able to decide for herself questions of propriety 
and duty ; and though not obstinately attached to her 
own opinions, when she had deliberately formed 
them, she adhered to them with conscientious 
tenacity, till some new experience or additional 
light convinced her that they were untenable and 
incorrect. Few persons ever discovered a more 
trembling solicitude to learn what was right, or 
greater determination of purpose, when her mind 
was made up on what she deemed good and suffi- 
cient grounds. 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 47 

Her mind was not given to change. Her opin- 
ions cost her too much time and prayerful thought 
to admit of this. What had been acquired with so 
much labor, she considered too valuable to be 
lightly thrown away. She pursued her chosen 
way despite of objection and opposition, sustained 
by upright intentions and enlightened convictions, 
without faltering, or abatement of zeal, when the 
decision of the less conscientious might have wa- 
vered, and the perseverance of the less deliberative 
might have tired and given up the pursuit. 

Her character seemed to occupy the golden 
mean between tenacity of old modes of procedure, 
and the consequent dread of change, on the one 
hand, and energy of execution on the other, when 
what was new had fairly vanquished her scruples, 
and secured the convictions of her reason and con- 
science. If the one endangered the sacrifice of 
new and superior modes of procedure to the old 
and inferior, it had this redeeming quality, that it 
saved her from the fruitless experiments upon 
which the lovers of change are prone to fritter 
away their time and waste their lives, ever begin- 
ning but never pursuing, and thus exhausting them- 
selves upon ill-digested and half-formed plans. 
And if the other endangered the continued pursuit 
of what had proved itself clearly impracticable, 
still it was compensated by the effect which it had 



48 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

to concentrate her faculties upon what her reason 
and conscience had commended to her as best, in 
spite of opposition and remonstrance, and thus to 
insure her success. 

In pursuing enterprises that necessarily involve 
delay and adversity, it is the more necessary to be 
sustained by clear convictions of duty. This is 
especially true of efforts to teach Christianity to 
the heathen. From a work like this the smile of 
success must be long withheld. Though the seed 
be sown in the morning, the fruit cannot be 
expected at evening, but is often delayed till the 
patience of the husbandman is exhausted. He that 
goeth forth weeping, bearing precious seed', must 
labor long, and patiently wait for the early and 
latter rain, before he can hope to return, bringing 
his sheaves with him. Perhaps no female mis- 
sionary was ever endowed with native character- 
istics better fitted to an emergency like this than 
Miss Barker. 

The event proved this. Indeed, it was clear to 
the discerning persons from whom she received 
her appointment to China, that she had a maturity 
of character altogether beyond her years. The 
severity of the ordeal to which she was subjected 
before the committee of the " Society for the 
Promotion of Female Education in the East*," 
may be seen from the following extracts from the 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 49 

list of questions which they proposed to candi- 
dates : — 

u Have you reason to believe that you are your- 
self a partaker of divine grace ? and upon what 
grounds do you rest that belief ? 

" What are your views of the leading doctrines 
of Christianity ? State them fully on the following 
subjects — the Trinity in unity, original sin, the 
atonement, justification, conversion, sanctification, 
and devotedness to God. 

61 What has been your method of studying the 
Scriptures, and what theological works have you 
chiefly read ? 

" What are your views of the principal disposi- 
tions which should characterize a Christian mis- 
sionary ? 

" What are the chief motives which make you 
desirous of engaging in missionary work ? 

" How long have you felt this desire ? 

" What leads you to believe you are called of 
God to this work ? 

" What preparations have you made for enter- 
ing upon it ? 

" State, if agreeable to you, how far habits of 
activity and economy have served to prepare you 
for it ? 

" Have you, before offering yourself as an agent 
of this society, made it a matter of earnest and 
5 



50 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

repeated prayer, seeking the divine blessing on so 
important an undertaking ? " 

These, with many other questions, were pro- 
posed to her, and answered to the satisfaction of 
the Committee. Accordingly, on the 20th of Jan- 
uary, 1837, when she was seventeen years old, 
she was duly appointed as the society's agent in 
teaching the religion of our Lord Jesus Christ to 
the benighted females of China. 

As the Roman mother, when inquired of con- 
cerning her jewels, showed her children, so may 
the Christian church hold up examples of this 
courageous, self-denying devotion, as her brightest 
ornament, and most brilliant hope of future en- 
largement. The tendency of youthful piety towards 
missionary work has been sufficiently common, 
within the last forty years, to characterize our age, 
and materially to influence the current history of 
Christianity. To our certain knowledge, it exists, 
in numerous cases, where it does not result in go- 
ing to the heathen ; and even some of the most dis- 
tinguished clergymen, both in Europe and Amer- 
ica, began their career with a strong impulse to 
engage in missionary work among foreign nations. 
This effect of the pouring out of the Spirit upon 
the churches is wide spread and universal, as if 
God were marshalling his hosts for a general onset 
upon the empire of darkness, that the kingdoms 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 51 

of this world may become the kingdoms of our 
Lord and his Christ. And the effect of this move- 
ment is already decided and glorious, giving prom- 
ise of a more rapid consummation of the mission 
of Christianity among men than any thing that has 
greeted the hopes of the pious for many ages. 
Instead of deprecating this spirit in the sons and 
daughters of Zion, therefore, as if it were wild 
visionary, and attended by a useless and unneces- 
sary exposure of life, let us rejoice in it, as indi 
eating a return to the palmy days of the gospel 
when it made its first onset, and gained its first vie 
tories here below. It is thus that the last com mis 
sion of our Lord, to go into all the world and 
preach the gospel to every creature, is to have its 
fulfilment 



52 LIFE OF MES. DEAN. 

CHAPTER VII. 

JOURNAL OF A VOYAGE TO INDIA. 

Between the time of Miss Barker's receiving 
her appointment in January, and her sailing for 
China in August, her time appears to have been 
spent partly at Thetford, in the bosom of her fam- 
ily, and partly in Hackney, near London, contigu- 
ous to the location of the committee. Her atten- 
tion was devoted to preparation for her voyage, 
and to the final endearments of home and friends. 
This was a touching scene, which we pass lightly, 
as too hallowed, too solemn, to be adequately de- 
picted to the public view. It is better conceived 
than told. It was a sundering of all the ties which 
clung so fondly to her young heart. Home, native 
land, father, mother, sister, kind and affectionate 
relatives and friends, with whom she was on terms 
of mutual endearment, so that all she felt they 
felt, and much more, had become to her the victim 
which she had laid upon the altar as a sacrifice to 
her God, her love to the perishing heathen, and to 
the powerful pleadings of her conscience and 
her heavenly hopes. What could more accu- 
rately realize the apostle's idea of being crucified 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 53 

unto the world, and having the world crucified 
unto us? 

The journal, which commenced with her em- 
barkation on board the Hashemy, is prefaced by 
the following appropriate sentiments and devo- 
tional expressions : " As thy day is, so shall thy 
strength be." " Examine yourselves, whether ye 
be in the faith. Prove your own selves." " O 
Lord, may I, indeed, love to commune with thee, 
and with my own heart. Give me nearness of 
access to thee, and, O, search and try me ; see 
if there be any way of wickedness in me, and lead 
me in the way to life everlasting. O, proportion my 
strength to my day ; and, if permitted to reach 
heathen lands, do thou be with me there, and grant 
that I may grow in grace and holiness." 

11 August 9, 1837. — Left Hackney at 8 o'clock, 
and proceeded in the steamer to Gravesend, from 
which we immediately embarked on board the ship 
Hashemy. I had so long — I may say daily for 
months — looked forward to leaving my native 
land, and all my beloved friends, that I found the 
trial less than I had feared. Although in the after- 
noon I was much depressed, at night God was 
pleased to grant me much enlargement in prayer, 
and I felt refreshed." 

" Aug. 10. — At six this morning, we were towed 
away by a steamer. O my beloved country, is the 
5* 



54 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

hour of our parting come ? Shall I tread no more 
thy green hills and sea-girt shore ? No ; never, 
never. Yet I recoil not. Yea, my heart rejoices 
that I am on my way to heathen lands, to be em- 
ployed in my Redeemer's service. What a priv- 
ilege ! " Thus she solaced herself amid the 
heart-pangs of this painful, final separation. And 
next comes the disgusting lot of most that go to 
sea ; and she adds, " In the afternoon, suffered 
from sea-sickness ; but, through God's mercy, 
passed a comfortable night." 

"Aug. 11. — This morning, cast anchor off 
Deal, and remained there all day." Here, too, 
she continued to suffer, and " the whole morning 
could do nothing but lie on her couch ; " though 
afterwards she " was able to walk on deck and 
write to friends." Here commenced her systematic 
plans of improvement, in Scripture readings with 
Miss Hulk, one of the young ladies who accompa- 
nied her to India, and adopted the plan of daily 
committing portions of the word of God and of 
sacred poetry to memory, which she pursued with 
great profit through the rest of her voyage. " Began, 
also, Mrs. Judson's life. Drank tea in the cuddy ; 
then had much religious conversation in Miss A.'s 
cabin ; after which, retired to rest with a grateful 
heart for all the blessings bestowed upon us." 

The next day was her first Sabbath on board, 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 55 

which brought with it " in the morning enlargement 
in prayer," connected with " a sadness pervading 
her spirits which she could not overcome." Alas 
for the heart-struggles of such an experience ! But 
one resort remained < — prayer. " Had recourse to 
prayer for consolation, and that a blessing might 
rest upon our beloved friends in England." Then 
followed " social prayer and reading ; " but the 
heart could not be beguiled of its sadness. " In 
the afternoon, felt much depressed at recollecting 
the social privileges I had for so many years 
enjoyed, now, in all probability, to return no more. 
O, let me not look at the things behind, but at the 
things which are before. An eternity of com- 
munion with the blessed Redeemer ! how will it 
teach us to rejoice over all the trials of the way 
that conducted to so exalted a consummation ! 
Read the third of Acts with Miss A., and, after 
a sweet season of prayer, retired, exhausted in 
body, but in mind calm and refreshed." 

" In the middle of the night of the 14th, was 
aroused by the sudden departure of the pilot. I 
gazed from my cabin window at the wave-tossed 
boat, which was conveying the last letters which I 
shall be able for weeks to send to my beloved 
friends. The moon shone brightly till it gradually 
sunk into the waters, and the stars, relieved of its su- 
perior effulgence, began to reveal their shining orbs. 



56 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

Retired again to rest, with my heart melted into a 
flood of gushing emotions. As we passed Beachy 
Head, caught my last glimpse of England. Thou, 
Lord, only knowest whether I shall ever visit it 
again. This I would leave in thy hands. Order 
all for me, that, whether dying in heathen or Chris- 
tian lands, I may claim thee as my Father, heaven 
my home, and redemption by the blood of the 
Lamb as my everlasting portion." It must have 
cost a struggle of struggles to feel herself thus 
receding into the watery immensity, from all the 
cherished objects and associates of her earlier years. 

But we find that on the succeeding day, August 
15, her equanimity was so far restored that she 
resumed the study of Chinese, which had been 
commenced in England, making it a principle, 
during the voyage, to devote her mornings to this 
most difficult of all languages. But she is com- 
pelled to add, in the next line, " Sea-sickness re- 
turned, and I continued weak throughout the day.'" 
This was a prompter to the renewed prayer, " O 
Lord, whether in sickness or in health, may I be 
enabled to live near to thee. O, grant me the sen- 
sible enjoyment of thy presence." To the truly 
Christian mind, what a depth of meaning is there 
in such a prayer ! 

How checkered the experience of the succeed- 
ing days ! " Enjoyed my morning devotions 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 57 

much, but was again seized with sea-sickness, 
and obliged to lie on the sofa all day. Then, 
again, " The Lord was graciously pleased to 
restore me to health, and some slight enjoyment 
of himself." Still, " cold in heart," and " little 
spirituality of affection," are the painful facts 
which force themselves upon her attention in these 
lucid moments of light and comfort. " Quicken 
me, O Lord ; fix my hopes steadfastly on thee. O, 
grant that frequent intercourse with those who know 
thee not may not deaden my love to thee, but rather 
excite me to more fervent prayer for them and for 
myself." At this point they were greeted by the 
sight of a French brig, to relieve the solitude of the 
ocean. And on the following day still, August 18, 
lat. 7° 56", " another like visitor came in the form 
of a vessel from Sierra Leone." 

Sea-sickness still pursued her, to prevent her 
writing; and, on the 22d, we find her recording 
how gracious the Lord had been to her, in that, 
though unable to rise on the Sabbath, she had 
enjoyed much of his presence. " My mind was 
solemnized at the prospect of my own helplessness, 
as connected with the great work before me. But, 
O Lord, if thou wilt graciously fulfil thine own 
promise, — ; as thy day is, so shall thy strength 
be,' — what have I to fear? O for more simple 
faith in the divine promises, and more, much more^ 



58 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

devotedness to his service ! This is the anniver- 
sary of my first-mentioned wish to devote myself 
to the instruction of heathen children. My beloved 
mother was the first to whom I intrusted the 
secret." This is an interesting fact, as showing 
that she had from the first acted with the knowl- 
edge and consent of her parents. And now, after 
the expiration of a year, we find her here, upon the 
deep, hastening to the realization of her desire, 
and gratefully acknowledging the success which 
had attended her thus far. " O, how gracious has 
the Lord been to me, since that time, in removing 
every obstacle, and, at last, bringing me on my 
way to the desired destination ! O Lord, thou 
alone knowest whether I shall be able to reach it. 
This I leave in thy hands, fervently praising thee 
for the mercies and privileges thus far bestowed." 

She was now c< blessed with a return of health ; " 
but only to complain that she " had so little profit- 
ed" by what she had suffered. "O Lord, help 
me henceforth to redeem the time, and live more 
exclusively in thy service, and to thy glory." 

" The winds have hitherto been contrary," she 
writes, on the 26th ; " but now there is a dead 
calm. We have, therefore, made but little prog- 
ress. Alas ! how does this resemble my spiritual 
state ! How slowly do I advance, if at all, in 
holiness ! O Lord, suffer me not to remain in this 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 59 

sluggish state ; but quicken me, and give me a 
nearness of access to thee." Then followed the 
Sabbath, wherein, though deprived of the means 
of grace, she found the Lord a sanctuary, and her 
soul was refreshed in his presence. The captain 
read prayers on deck, and the young ladies had 
social worship below, and did somewhat, also, to 
distribute tracts among those on board ; upon which 
she invokes a blessing, " that all may bo turned 
unto the Lord." " Truly the heart is deceitful 
above all things. O Lord, make me better ac- 
quainted with myself. How bitter the root of self- 
ishness ! Enable me to overcome this, my beset- 
ting sin, and to deny myself, take up my cross, and 
follow thee " — follow thee in all benevolence, in 
all laboriousness, in the cause of doing good to 
others. 

We find Miss Barker, about this time, " dwelling 
much on the duties of a Christian teacher," de- 
ploring '" her own insufficiency," and pleading more 
and more with God, in view of " her own weak- 
ness and sinfulness," that thus she might acquire 
strength for her work. " O, give me a more fer- 
vent spirit of prayer, more humility and self- 
renunciation, that I may count all things but loss, 
and thus win Christ, and be found in him." 

These pious young ladies did not wait to reach 
a heathen shore before beginning their work ; but 



60 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

one of their number had a religious conversation 
with the captain of the ship in which they sailed, 
to lead him to Christ ; while he, the other officers, 
and all on board, were made a special subject of 
prayer. Miss Barker also felt much for her own 
father, mother, and sister, that they might know, 
by blessed experience, the power of divine truth. 
" O my parents, how often does my heart weep 
over the tender recollection of you ! I love to 
cherish the hope that you may yet be accepted in 
the Beloved. O Lord, enable me to wrestle more 
in prayer for these fond parents. Draw them, and 
they will run after thee. Intercede for them, 
blessed Saviour, and make them thine own. For- 
bid it, Lord, that I should be anxious for the salva- 
tion of the heathen, and forget my father and 
mother. May my sister walk with thee, and may 
all those who are near and dear to me be near and 
dear to thee" 

The same gushing forth of desire, in behalf of 
home and friends, is evinced in the entry of Sep- 
tember 2, the birthday of a dear friend. " O 
Lord, do thou look down upon dear Ellen, and 
bless her ! May she this day renew her vows with 
thee, and be still more devoted to thy service than 
she ever yet has been, and fit her for usefulness as 
an humble and devoted laborer in thy vineyard. 
Bless A. R., also, with whom I was once in daily 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 61 

intercourse. Lord, sanctify to her her recent 
afflictions, and grant, as this is, also, her natural 
birthday, so it may be, indeed, her spiritual birth- 
day ; and, from this time, may she be transformed 
by the renewing of her mind." This singular 
facility of recollecting the birthday of her friends 
was a peculiarity of Mrs. Dean, as afterwards 
evinced in keeping, without memoranda, that of the 
■ children connected with the mission family. Thus, 
as in the family of Job, " every child had his day," 
which she was never willing should pass unnoticed 
or unobserved. 

About this time she completed the reading of 
Miss East's Memoir, which led her to exclaim, "0, 
may I, like her, delight in prayer and the written 
word. Prepare me, O Lord, for all that is before 
me, and may I indeed grow in grace. O that I 
might each day be conformed to thine image ! 
Lord, hide not thyself from me, but give me a 
realizing sense of thy presence. May I ever act, 
and think, under the consciousness that ' thou> 
Lord, seest me. 1 " These aspirations appear to 
have been eminently answered in her own case ; 
for few persons lived more habitually under the 
impression of God's presence than she did. 

She felt on shipboard the absence of those ordi- 
nances to which she had been accustomed ; and on 
the 3d of September we find her alluding to the 
6 



XfZ LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

commemoration of the death of Christ by her 
friends on the land, and beseeching God that, 
" unable as we are to join in this holy service," he 
would u spread for us a table in the wilderness, 
and grant us the privilege of drinking of the Rock, 
the spiritual Rock that has followed us, even 
Christ." How does the value of ordinances and 
religious privileges magnify itself beyond all our 
previous estimates, when they are placed beyond 
our reach ! But, as she complains, " even in the 
days of our greatest nearness to God," with or 
without ordinances, " how much deadness and dis- 
tance do we feel in our hearts ! how much cold- 
ness of love ! Still, Lord, how blessed are thy 
Sabbaths ! If we enjoy them so here, where sin 
infuses itself into every thought, what will be the 
freshness of that joy when sin shall have no more 
dominion over us ! Hasten, gracious God, the time 
of thy coming. O, grant that the blessed tidings of 
salvation may soon be spread over all nations, and 
all be brought to the knowledge of thee. O, bless 
the public services in which we have this day en- 
gaged, that all on board may be brought to love thee 
supremely. O my parents, my sister, how oft have 
my thoughts revisited you this day ! Lord, hear and 
answer my feeble prayers in their behalf. Bless, 
strengthen, and refresh my beloved kindred, and 
all dear Christian friends, for Jesus' sake." 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. ■ 63 

That Miss Barker was not insensible to the 
beauty and sublimity of the sea upon which she 
was sailing, is evinced by the following lines, en- 
titled " Written on Deck," which were probably 
penned during this voyage. 

" Stay thy rough wind in the day of thine east wind." 

When the tempest rages loud, 
And the lightning flashes near, — 

"When th' approaching thunder- cloud 
Pills us with tormenting fear, — 

Stay thy wind, thy rough wind stay, 

In thine east wind's angry day. 

When our laboring bark no more 

Can the rude assault sustain, 
Par from every friendly shore* 

Shall we seek thine aid in vain ? 
Stay, fee- 
Sailing on life's troubled sea, 

Rocks and shoals, on every side, 
Whither, w^hither can we flee 

From the rough and swelling tide ? 
Stay, &c. 

When to the deceitful calm 

Furious tempests quick succeed, 

W^arn us of the approaching harm, 
Save us in the time of need." 

Stay, &c. 

When our dangers seem all past, 
And the haven 's full in sight, 



64 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

Should we feel the sudden blast 
Rising with redoubled might, 
Stay, &c. 

Anchored once within the veil, 

Doubts, and fears, and troubles o'er, 

Oft we'll think of those who sail 
After us, to that blest shore. 

Stay, &c. 

And if prayer is heard above, 

In the realms where angels dwell, 

Anxious still for those we love, 
Thus we'll make entreaty still. 

Stay thy wind, thy rough wind stay, 

In thine east wind's angry day. 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 65 

CHAPTER VIII. 

VOYAGE TO INDIA.— ARRIVAL AT BATAVIA. 

Miss Barker's journal of this voyage indicates 
a continued and often painful struggle of mind 
after greater holiness, with only occasional glimpses 
of that repose in Christ which it is our privilege 
to feel. It is not only through union to him that 
we are accepted of the Father, and justified from 
all our transgressions, but that we acquire strength 
to lead a holy life. He is of God, " made unto 
us wisdom, and righteousness, and sanctification, 
and redemption.'" And when we cordially em- 
brace him in these relations, then we have the 
serenity of mind which arises from feeling that 
we can do all things through Christ who strength- 
ened us, and from being able to say, " I know in 
whom I have believed, and that he is able to keep 
that which I have committed to him against that 
day." This is " the wisdom of them that are per- 
fect," of which the apostle speaks — a wisdom con- 
sisting in knowing that self is a poor, weak, erring 
thing, destitute of all virtue, but made rich, power- 
ful, truthful, and competent to every good word 
and work through Christ working in us. 
6* 



66 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

Miss Barker probably understood more of divine 
things than ordinary Christians ; but her journal 
lacks the expression of that " full assurance of 
hope unto the end," that state of being " filled 
with all the fulness of God," which is the priv- 
ilege of all that believe, and which, when it is 
enjoyed, introduces us into " the rest of faith," 
and imparts to us all joy and peace in believing. 
She saw the good land afar off, and, like many 
other young Christians in a similar state of mind, 
might have entered it at once, had some one been 
present to teach her more perfectly the art of 
abiding in Christ, and allowing Christ to abide in 
her. But not being thus favored, she is forced to 
record what she felt — the struggles of her heart 
after a state which she saw afar off, on the borders 
of which she seemed occasionally to stand, and 
from which she would again recede to a point as 
remote as ever, for lack of " the anointing that 
abideth." Holy living ! a close walk with God ! 
how difficult the art ! how strait the gate, and nar- 
row the way ! 

" September 7. — A month to-day since we set 
sail. O, how little have I done for God ! How 
little have I advanced, if indeed at all, in holiness ! 
O most gracious God, prepare me, I entreat thee, 
for the work which lies before me. O, search my 
heart, cleanse me from sin, and make me thine in 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 67 

life, in death, and to eternity. O, give me more 
nearness of access to thee in prayer. O, hear the 
prayers I would offer to thee, on behalf of my 
beloved relations. Lord, be thou with them, and 
bless them. O, bless her who has long been a 
dear friend of mine. Sanctify to her all her 
afflictions, and may she ever cleave to thee as her 
Father and her Friend." Thus fondly, thus de- 
voutly did her heart cling to the scenes and friends 
of her earlier years, from whom every favoring 
breeze was bearing her farther and still farther, 
no more to meet them this side of heaven. 

The same strain of self-accusation with which 
the foregoing entry begins, is found in one a few 
days later. " Another week begun, another sweet 
Sabbath has passed. But, Lord, how little have 
I profited by these precious opportunities of com- 
muning with thee ! O, pardon me for all my past 
sins, and enable me henceforth to crucify the 
world with its affections and lusts. Deliver me 
from worshipping self, instead of thee, the only 
God." Here follows, in lat. 13, an incident 
to a sea voyager — "a vessel passed us, bound for 
Calcutta ; " and on the succeeding day, still another, 
of a more ominous character — " a stormy night, 
much rain, with thunder and lightning. This 
reminds me of my occasions for gratitude to pre- 



68 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

serving love. O Lord, help me to praise thee 
for thy loving kindness and watchful care over 
us. May I be more devoted to thee than I have 
ever yet been." 

Sept. 14. — A family remembrancer, " the 
twenty-third anniversary of my beloved parents' 
wedding-day. O, may they indeed, at the mar- 
riage supper of the Lamb, be found clothed with 
a wedding garment, and covered with the righteous- 
ness of Christ. O Lord, be with and bless them, 
and lead them unto thee." Then follows a 
train of entries in the same strain of self-accusa- 
tion and earnest breathing after higher attainments 
in holiness. " Another week distinguished for 
divine mercies, but how little improved ! Lord, 
unless thy preventing grace follow me, and snatch 
me from the ways of sin and Satan, I must 
inevitably fall. O, heal my backsliding, restore 
me to the enjoyment of thyself, and give me 
strength to resist corruption and sin. Prepare me 
for the duties of to-morrow, [Sabbath.] O, may 
I be strengthened and refreshed thereby. Week 
succeeds to week, with little on this watery ex- 
panse to mark the transition, but thy protecting 
grace, O Lord, will I supplicate, that with ad- 
vancing time I may grow in holiness. Alas ! 
how small the progress hitherto, if indeed I have 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 69 

made any ! Help to maintain all I have acquired ; 
give me a spirit of watchfulness and prayer, and 
enable me to grow in grace." 

Sept. 20. — The anniversary of an event that 
brought relief to her father's family, under trials, 
provokes in her the exclamation, " O, may the 
remembrance of it excite the deepest gratitude to 
Him who thus raised up for us a friend, and took 
care of us in our low estate," alluding to the 
pecuniary embarrassments under which her father 
labored, from the ill success of some literary pro- 
ject. The notice she takes of such an event 
shows how deeply her heart was filled with filial 
love and duty, how keenly she felt w T hat gave her 
parents pain, and how unlike many young girls, 
who are not only without sympathy in such em- 
barrassments, but who indulge a tone of complaint 
at the consequent abridgment of their own means 
of comfort and adornment. Miss Barker was 
keenly alive to all that affected the happiness of 
her family. " O Lord," she adds, in the same 
connection, u be with my beloved parents ; leave 
them not, neither forsake them. Gracious Saviour, 
plead for them, and bring them into thy fold " — a 
prayer indicating a doubt whether her parents had 
yet entered into clear views of spiritual religion. 
Too many, educated to the forms of worship, con- 
tent themselves with these, being mere proselytes 



70 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

of the gate, and never entering into the inner court 
of divine love and the fulness of the Holy Spirit ; 
though we have no means of affirming that such 
was the case with Miss Barker's parents, but only 
that she seems to have feared that such might be 
the case. 

Here her ship was met by a storm, in reference 
to which she says, "I would desire, O Lord, to 
thank thee for the preserving care with which thou 
hast watched over us during the past day, and 
delivered us from impending danger. While thou, 
O Lord, art with us, what have we to fear ? " Peril 
did not interrupt her daily lessons ; for she adds, 
" Found much delight in committing to memory 
the 125th Psalm. O, may I daily take increasing 
delight in thy word. May it ever dwell in me in 
all wisdom. To-day, finished reading Mrs. Jud- 
son's Life. O, may I, like her, be indeed pos- 
sessed with a missionary spirit, and be prepared for 
the trials and temptations I may meet with from 
within and from without." 

" Sept. 24. — The seventh Sabbath on the deep ! 
O Lord, how gracious hast thou been to one and 
all of us ! Would that I could praise thee as I 
ought, love thee as I ought, and serve thee as I 
ought ! Lord, I pant after holiness ; but am con- 
strained to confess that I am carnal, sold under sin. 
When I would worship thee, O Lord 5 it seems as 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 71 

though I approached thy throne to mock thee with 
my sinful offerings. O that, indeed, I dwelt in 
thine eye, and in thy love ! Quicken me with thy 
Spirit, free me from the bondage of Satan, whose 
subtle counsels I hate, and yet so. often follow. 
Plead for me, O my Saviour. Graft me into thy- 
self. Forget not my beloved parents, my sister, 
relations, and friends. Convert the unconverted, 
arouse the sleeping, strengthen the weak, confirm 
the strong, and, at the last great day, may they all 
be found complete in thee. Hear me, O Lord, 
hear me for thy name's sake." 

" Sept. 26. — This morning, early, crossed the 
equator, and are for the first time in south lati- 
tude." This fact reminds her of the increasing 
distance between her and her friends, when she 
breaks forth into an effusion of prayer in their be- 
half, pleading, with more than usual fervor, for 
them all, " especially for her beloved parents." 
How powerful are the instincts of filial and sisterly 
love in a young girl's heart ! No distance, no 
change of circumstances, no recurrence of new 
objects and events, can extinguish the undying 
flame. " This week we have agreed to think much 
of the evil of sin, and the state of man by nature. 
Do thou sanctify this to me, O Lord. Show me 
more and more of the exceeding sinfulness of 
sin. O, make me fear to offend thee, and ever to 



72 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

remember that in thy sight even the thought of ini- 
quity is sin. O, give me a single eye to thy glory. 
How are the motives of even my best actions de- 
filed with sin ! How much pride, how much self- 
seeking, how little love to thee, O my Saviour ! 
Surely, if I saw the hole of the pit w T hence I have 
been digged, and felt my leanness, I should feel 
more love. O, give me to see that my sins, which 
are many, are forgiven, that so I may love thee 
much. Lord, when I see around me daily, perish- 
ing souls, how can I forbear to speak to them of 
thee ? — thee, whom my soul loves. Deliver me, O 
Lord, from the guilt of this sin. Do thou hear my 
prayer in their behalf, and enable me to watch 
earnestly, and improve every opportunity thou 
mayst give me of directing any to the Lamb of 
God." This sense of personal responsibility to 
attempt the salvation of the perishing with whom 
we daily meet, though so little felt among Chris- 
tians, is essential to their own progress in holiness, 
and to the increase of the number of conversions 
to Christ. 

" Sept. 30. — Another week, another month 
gone, reminds me to recount the distinguished 
mercies with which it has been crowned, and to 
record, with deep abasement, my own backslidings. 
O, when shall I be free from the hated bondage of 
Satan ? Enable me, O gracious Father, to resist 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 73 

his temptations, and to say, ' Get thee behind me, 
Satan ! ' Heal my backslidings, restore my soul, 
enable me to renew my vows unto thee this night. 
Wash me in that fountain which thou hast opened 
for sin and uncleanness. O, make me humble, 
filled with love to the heathen, and devotedness to 
thee. O, give me, in all things, a single eye to 
thy glory, free from this hated love of self, and 
pardon and bless me for thy name's sake, O 
Lord." Then, again, gush forth the feelings of 
the daughter, longing that her parents may share 
in the good which she craves upon her own souL 
" Wilt thou not, also, bless my parents ? My heart 
yearns over them. O, leave them not, neither for- 
sake them." 

In the same strain, only with even greater fer- 
vency of spirit, she writes, — 

" October 1. — Sabbath evening reminds me, O 
Lord, to record thy praises for the mercies of the 
day. O that I could love thee more, and praise 
thee better ! Deeply do I feel my own vileness. 
O, grant that, henceforth, I may do nothing in my 
own strength. Gracious Saviour, let me lean on 
thee. O that I could love thee as I ought ! I want 
more humbling views of myself, to see more of 
my own sinfulness, and that I may not offer to 
thee a sacrifice that costs me nothing, but tear 
from my heart all my darling, secret sins, and lay 
7 



74 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

them at thy cross, and then to surrender to thee 
my purest, noblest affections, yea, my whole being. 
Renew me in the spirit of my mind, and fill me 
with love — love to thee, and love to my dear 
brethren and sisters in the faith, and love to poor, 
perishing sinners. O eternity, what endless joys, 
or what unspeakable miseries, wilt thou reveal ! 
Lord, I would never forget those so dear to me in 
my native land. My heart yearns over them, 
weeps for them. O, bring them into thy fold, and 
cheer and support those who have long loved thee. 
Bless and love them all for thy name's sake." 

The earnest aspirations of her soul after greater 
holiness, so conspicuous in her previous entries, are 
at length rewarded with new manifestations of di- 
vine love and favor, as appears from the following, 
dated October 3, 16th degree of south latitude : 
" O thou great and glorious Jehovah, wilt thou 
accept my feeble praises for the spiritual enjoy- 
ments thou hast vouchsafed me this week ? But, 
O, I would rejoice with trembling, lest Satan should 
get dominion over me. Gracious Lord, keep me 
humble, and enable me to subdue pride, hateful 
pride, in its first workings. O, give me a tender 
and enlightened conscience, quick to discern evil, 
and fearful to offend thee. Enable me, indeed, to 
dioell in thine eye, and in thy love. This week, 
perhaps, many of thy dear devoted servants will 



LIFE OF MRS- DEAN. 75 

quit their native land, to obey thine own command 
to preach the gospel to every creature. Wilt thou 
graciously be with them, support them under the 
trial of separation from endeared relations, and 
bless them abundantly in their own souls." She 
probably here alludes to the Rev. Mr. Williams^ 
who, with his associates, sailed for the South Sea 
Islands about this time. 

" Thought much of my beloved sister, and em- 
ployed part of the morning in writing to her. May 
the blessing of the Lord attend me while I write to 
her, or any of my dear friends, and make our cor- 
respondence a source of much mutual instruction 
and benefit. Wrote, also, to dear E. O Lord, 
do thou bless, and support, and comfort her, and 
prepare her for her missionary work, if thou 
shouldst permit her to engage in it." 

*< Oct. 5.-20° S. tat Passed Trinidad. This 
day eight weeks we sailed from England. O my 
beloved parents and sister, how have my thoughts 
been drawn out towards you this day ! O Lord, I 
am oppressed ; undertake for me. Lead my 
thoughts from my earthly to my heavenly home, and 
be thou better to me than all my endeared rela- 
tives. Whether parents, sister, aunts, may I feel 
that thou, O Lord, my Saviour, wilt infinitely sur- 
pass them all. But, O gracious Lord, hear my 
pleadings in their behalf! O t grant that I may not 



76 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

be separated from one of them in eternity. O, 
withdraw them from the pleasures and vanities 
of time, and the too eager pursuit of this life, in 
whatever form it may present itself, whether of lit- 
erature, amusement, wealth, or any thing by which 
their hearts may be turned from thee. O Lord, 
forgive the sins of this day. What a selfish, cold 
heart is mine ! Fill it with love. Kindle the sa- 
cred flame, and be thou near me, O Lord, for the 
Redeemer's sake." What a picture of tender 
sensibilities is here presented — first to family ties, 
and then to the higher considerations of faith and 
duty, impelling her to sacrifice all for Christ's 
sake ! 

The earnestness of her soul is again depicted 
in her account of the passing weeks. " Another 
week is gone into eternity. Another week of life 
passed, admonishing thee, O my soul, to retire and 
meditate. How lively were my impressions of sin 
last Sabbath ! and how sincere my resolutions to 
strive more against sin in the strength of the Lord ! 

gracious Saviour, wilt thou, indeed, plead for 
me ? O, leave me not to myself for one moment, 

1 beseech thee. O Lord, the one desire of my 
heart is to know thee, and be found ever in thee. 
Wilt thou, indeed, manifest thyself unto me ? 
O, let me lean on thee, be passive in thy hand, have 
no will but thine. O, this hard and impenitent 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 77 

heart ! Wilt thou take me, vile as I am '? Wilt 
thou cleanse and keep me from sin ? How can I, 
who have so much to contend with — how can I 
instruct others in the ways of holiness ! Gracious 
Lord, my heart sinks within me at the thought ! 
Uphold me by thine all-sufficient grace. Let me 
daily imbibe more and more of thy divine Spirit. 
O that my heart were filled with love to thee ! O, 
keep my eye fixed on Calvary ; for, whilst I look 
there, how can I give way to this hated pride and 
selfishness ? O Lord, I am oppressed ; undertake 
for me." 

" Oct. 17. — Our subject for meditation and 
remark this week is the solemn responsibility of 
those who have received the knowledge of salva- 
tion, to make it known to others. I have often con- 
sidered this an important subject ; but my prayer 
is, that I may now have grace to reconsider it, and 
that, by so doing, I may be stirred up and quick- 
ened to more active exertions, more heart-yearning 
over the souls of others, and more fervent prayers 
on their behalf." This is truly a subject of great 
moment to those upon whom the last commission 
of our Lord has descended, to go into all the 
world and preach the gospel to every creature. 
How can we meet the searching inquiry of our 
Judge, " Where is thy brother ? " if we have done 
nothing to save the benighted and perishing of the 



78 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

human brotherhood ? Nor let any one think to 
devolve this responsibility upon the ministry, or 
upon the few that become missionaries, since it 
extends alike to all upon whom God has bestowed 
the grace of pardon and eternal life. Each one 
is, at least, so much as a grain of that salt which is 
to salt the earth — a ray of that light which is to 
lighten the world. Well may we, therefore, con- 
sider and reconsider our responsibility in this 
respect. 

On another occasion we find her supplicating 
God that she " may not enter the field of mission- 
ary labor with a heart estranged from him, walking 
In darkness, having no light, my affections cold, 
my faith low, and my heart set on self." What 
condition can be more fearful than having great 
religious responsibilities with little religion in exer- 
cise, claiming, by our position, a sanctity which we 
are conscious we do not possess, and forced to do 
duties to which we have not heart ? Well may we 
pray with Miss Barker, in this connection, " O, 
hear my cry ; enable me to persevere in thy ways. 
O, quicken me, pardon, bless, love, and restore me 
to thy favor. Am I a child of God, and can I feel 
so little for others ? How feeble are my prayers, 
even for my parents ! What, then, can I feel for 
the heathen ? O, make my heart to overflow with 
love." 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 79 

11 Oct. 31. — One of the sailors begged us to 
lend him a primer, that he might learn to read, 
saying that he was desirous of reading his Bible. 
May it, indeed, appear that this does arise from a 
desire to read the word of God, and learn the way 
of life. Yesterday, made four degrees of latitude 
south ; very cold, and motion troublesome. To- 
day, much warmer and quieter. Gave way yester- 
day to impatience and peevishness. If my temper 
is so tried while able to pursue my employment as 
I wish, what will it be when annoyed by untoward 
circumstances ? Lord, give me more self-govern- 
ment ; make me meek and gentle." Those who 
knew her best, in after life, give delightful testi- 
mony of the triumph of divine grace in this re- 
spect. " Again, O Lord, hast thou brought me to 
the close of another month, the third I have passed 
upon the waters. In one or two months more I 
may be in the land of idolaters, appearing as the 
witness of that Saviour whom I love, and yet whom 
I wound afresh every day by my sins. Suffer me 
not, O Lord, to walk in darkness and have no 
light, while I am telling them of the free pardon 
to be found in thee, and of the joy to be found in 
the light of thy countenance. O, search me, and 
cleanse me ; pardon and restore me to the joy of 
thy salvation ; then will I teach transgressors thy 
ways, and sinners shall be converted unto thee." 



80 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

" November 1. — Wet all day. Long. 42° 44" E. 
Finished Bridge's Ministry. Much excited on 
the subject of personal unfitness for the missionary 
work, and had deeper views of its responsibilities, 
amounting at times almost to agony ; and, for the 
first time, I felt almost the desire of resigning the 
solemn engagement I had entered into. Surely, 
this was a temptation from Satan ; for have I not 
most solemnly pledged myself to serve the Lord 
forever ? Have I not put my hand to the plough ; 
and shall I look back ? O gracious Lord, pardon 
me, and enable me to renew my vows to thee this 
day, and live henceforth only unto thee. O for 
more realizing views of eternity, more yearning 
after souls, more devotedness, more singleness of 
heart and purpose. Gracious Saviour, I am thine. 
O, may I live to thee, and love thee alone, in time 
and to eternity. Amen." 

"Nov. 2. — Wet and foggy. Long. 45° E. 
During the night, lost a spar. To-day, began Dr. 
P. Smith's Notes on Kevelation. Last night, 
mind wandering in sleep, in vain attempting to re- 
call the feelings of the past day. Am I, indeed, 
advancing in the narrow way ? I cannot stand 
still : how fearful, then, the thought, that, if not 
advancing, I am sliding back ! Hold thou me up, 
O Lord, and then not one of my steps shall slide." 

" Nov. 3. — Damp and foggy. The sun invisi- 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 81 

ble all day. Towards evening, a calm. Last night, 
the man at the helm was thrown over the wheel 
by the sudden motion of the ship. Through the 
divine care he was preserved. Suffered to-day 
from rheumatism, which rendered me unable 
to think much. Felt depressed in spirits, and 
could not pour out my heart in prayer ; though 
last night I was privileged to enjoy a sw T eet season. 
Wrote out some arguments on the best method of 
bringing the heathen to give their attention to the 
investigation of Christian truth. Read Dr. Collyer's 
Sermon on the Divine Legation of Moses." 

" Nov. 4. — Finished J. A.'s Life. Endeavored 
to collect and arrange my thoughts on the special 
duties which will soon devolve upon me with re- 
spect to the heathen, but felt too unwell to put. them 
on paper, as I desired. Learned to-day that one 
of the men in the forecastle had been very ill; 
indeed, at one time he was thought to be dead. I 
pray that this illness may be sanctified to his soul. 
Again am I brought to the close of another week. 
But, though time is so rapidly bearing me on to 
eternity, I feel that I make no advance in holiness. 
I am still the same selfish, unhumbled creature, 
still daily yield to sin, and still, alas ! feel at such 
an infinite distance from my heavenly Father. 
Now that I ought to be a teacher, I feel that I 
know not the first principles of religion. O my 



82 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

Father, suffer me not to fall ; raise my fainting 
spirits ; help my unbelief, and give me a heart to 
pray to and praise thee." 

"Nov. 5. — Very cold. Long. 52° E. Swell 
high. This is the third Sabbath we have been un- 
able to have service in the cuddy. Thinking of 
the duties which will so soon be mine among the 
heathen, felt deeply humbled. O gracious Lord, 
let me not bring a reproach on thy cause, or be the 
means of doing dishonor to thy name ; but fill me 
with love to thee, and guide me with wisdom, 
knowledge, and judgment. Thought of my beloved 
friends in England who this day are communing at 
the table of the Lord. Endeavored to dwell on 
the love of Christ, but felt cold and dead. Let me 
not, O Lord, yield to this deadness as if it were an 
affliction to be endured, but may I feel it to be a 
temptation to be resisted. O, do thou quicken me ; 
give me an assurance of thy love." 

" Nov. 6. — Long. 58° E. Very cold. Finished 
Elijah the Tishbite, [a book which she afterwards 
translated into Chinese, and which is now in circu- 
lation among that interesting people.] O gracious 
Lord, wilt thou vouchsafe me something of his 
fervor, his zeal in thy cause, his boldness in 
declaring the truth ? O, may I indeed strive con- 
stantly to make thy name great among the heathen. 
Grant me strength, O Lord, I entreat thee, and 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 83 

give me daily supplies of grace proportioned to my 
daily wants. Missionary prayer- meeting to-day in 
England. O, listen, gracious Father, to the prayers 
of thy dear people. Answer them, and bless them, 
for thy name's sake." 

Her diligent attention to the word of God on this 
voyage may be seen from the fact that she com- 
mitted large portions of it to memory, and that it 
was thus, " through patience and comfort of the 
Scriptures," that she had " hope." "Was much 
struck this morning," November 9, she says, " by 
Heb xi. 6, wherein it is said, ' But without faith it 
is impossible to please him ; for he that cometh to 
God must believe that he is, and that he is the 
rewarder of them that diligently seek him.'' O, 
may I have grace thus diligently to seek the Lord. 
Augustine's mother prayed for nine years for the 
conversion of her son, with strong crying and tears, 
and was then rewarded with a most gracious an- 
swer. May this quicken me to more earnest, con- 
tinued, and fervent prayers for the conversion of 
my own beloved kindred. But perhaps they are 
even now bowing down at the foot of the cross. O, 
my unbelieving heart ! I believe not, therefore I 
receive not. Lord, remove from me this evil heart 
of unbelief. Enjoyed a sweet season in social 
prayer, this morning ; but ah, how cold and dead in 
private ! Quicken me, O Lord. In the afternoon, 



84 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

yielded to fretful impatience at not being left alone, 
under the specious pretence of desiring to com- 
mune with God in private. O, was it not from 
selfishness ? O, my deceitful heart ! I start at 
the depth of wickedness I there discover. Gra- 
cious Lord, search me, cleanse me, wash me in 
thine own blood." Thus severe was she in scruti- 
nizing her own inward life. No vagrant emotion, 
however unexpressed, no gust of momentary feel- 
ing, however powerless as to any effect upon the 
will, could escape the vigilance of her sensitive 
conscience, or remain unrebuked of her unflinch- 
ing, unbending soul. Such entrances in her pri- 
vate journal show how constantly the highest ideal 
of perfection was before her view, and that her 
active powers were ever on the alert to attain unto 
it. A failure in the least thing, or to the least 
degree, reacted upon her feelings a most withering 
self-condemnatory influence, to remind her that 
she was still in the flesh, still remote from a final 
triumph over all temptation. The- defect of Miss 
Barker's piety was not in this acute sensibility of 
her conscience to the least stirrings of evil within, 
— for no one can be in a healthy Christian state 
without it, — but in not always seeing the com- 
pleteness of her victory through our Lord Jesus 
Christ, " our righteousness and our strength." Had 
the idea of his present help been ever before her 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 85 

mind, then, as impatience or fretful feeling stirred 
within, it would have produced in her the experi- 
ence of the apostle, when he says, " When I am 
weak, then am I strong," and u I can do all things 
through Christ, who strengtheneth me." 

A few incidents, to relieve the monotony of life 
at sea, are recorded, November 14, such as passing 
St. Paul's, running foul of a whale, but without 
damage, and shooting an albatross by the cap- 
tain, which measured ten feet from tip to tip ; any 
thing almost that diversifies and marks off "the oth- 
erwise unmeasured and unmarked course of dura- 
tion seems a relief to the unbroken continuity of 
thought. Such are our natures here, delighting to 
hear and tell new things ; but how they will be in 
the world to come, who can foresee ? " Finished 
Mr. Tomlin's Journal of a Residence in Singapore. 
Read Dr. Reed's Sermon on the Success of the 
Gospel. Gave some tracts to the sailors. O, may 
they be blessed to them. Felt restless and uneasy, 
and a continued strife within me all day. Gracious 
Saviour, fill my heart with light and love. O for 
more single devotedness and personal piety ! " 
Query. Are not these restless sensations often 
attributable to physical causes ? 

The Sabbath again brings with it the heart to 
say, 

" Welcome, sweet day of rest." 
8 



86 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

" In the morning, cold and dull ; but in the 
afternoon, my heart rejoiced within me, and I felt 
ready to be, to do, and to suffer, any thing for 
Christ. O Lord, keep me in this frame of mind, 
rejoicing in thee as my Father and my Friend." 
Then again follows another Sabbath, November 
26, " the last I shall spend with my dear friends," 
the ladies, her fellow-passengers, who were to 
remain at Batavia. " O gracious Lord, prepare 
me for the trials which are before me. O, grant 
that, whilst alone in one sense, I may be more 
than ever with thee. Forbid that I should ever be 
ashamed of my hope, or led to compromise any 
principles I hold as founded upon thy word. O, 
give me a mouth, and wisdom, that I may, on all 
proper occasions, speak for thee. Am I indeed 
thy child, then ? O Holy Spirit, depart not from 
me, but quicken and turn me to God. I do hate 
sin. I do pant for holiness. And yet, I feel so 
restrained in prayer, and given up to self! Help 
me, gracious Lord, to tear this hated idol from its 
throne, and to worship thee only. O Lord, I am 
oppressed ; undertake for me. Teach me, guide 
me, and enable me to persevere, for Christ's sake. 
Amen." 

" The last day of November, and the first on 
which we have seen land — heathen land* O that 
[ could feel my heart moved with more gratitude 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 87 

and love to Him who has thus brought us on our 
way, and that my spirit was more stirred within 
me to pray for these poor worshippers of idols ! 
Feeble as they may be, wilt thou not hear these 
my prayers, and pour down thy Spirit upon the 
islands of the sea which we are now so rapidly 
approaching. Passed Sumatra, and several smaller 
islands, called the ; Button,' ' Cap,' &c, and 
reached Batavia, on the Island of Java." 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 



CHAPTER IX. 



JOURNAL CONTINUED. — ARRIVAL AT MACAO.— 
IN THE FAMILY OF MR. GUTZLAFF. 

Miss Barker staid in Batavia but a few days, 
when she took leave of the young ladies who came 
with her from England, and sailed for Macao, the 
place of her destination. 

" December ]2. — Again on board the Hashemy, 
proceeding with a fresh breeze towards China. 
O, what a tumult of conflicting feelings fills my 
mind, when I recall the events of the past ten 
days! O my heavenly Father, thuu^knowcot all 
that has passed ; pardon me, if I have acted wrong 
to any one. Forgive me for the pride that filled 
my heart on the ninth," — alluding to some circum- 
stance in her own mind, but not revealed to us. 
How much is there between the pious heart and 
its God, to which no third person can be admitted 
as a spectator ! " Incline the hearts of my former 
fellow- voyagers to forgive all that was wrong in 
my conduct towards them. May we forget all 
differences of opinion, and only think of each other 
as sisters, united in heart and in work. O, make 
me humble, cautious, and kind ; strengthen and 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 8y 

enable me to overcome that pride of heart which 
leads me to betray feelings that I ought not to 
have. Preserve me alike from dissimulation and 
a proud contempt of courtesy and kindness, both 
in voice and manner." As a censor upon her 
own feelings and conduct, none could have been 
more severe or exacting than herself. She could 
admit of no deviation from the law of love in 
thought or deed. 

She then briefly alludes to her stay on the 
Island of Java. " On the second, landed at Ba- 
tavia, and remained there till the twelfth. On the 
fourth, attended the missionary prayer-meeting. 
Sent letters to mamma, to Fanny, Mrs. Reed, 
Ellen, Miss Adam, and one to Bracondale." We 
regret our inability to insert here the substance of 
these letters, as they would, no doubt, detail her 
first impressions of Oriental life and manners. 
" O gracious Father, sanctify to me this time that 
I am permitted to spend alone. Prepare me for 
the duties which lie before me. O for more de- 
votedness of heart, more simple, fervent piety ! O 
Lord, I feel that thou hast called me to China. 
Why, then, O Lord, this shrinking from the duties 
and responsibilities before me ? This, again, arises 
from selfishness. O, forgive me, and lead me 
henceforth to labor solely for Christ's sake, whether 
pleasing or displeasing to the flesh." 
8* 



90 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

" Dec. 19. — Off Celebes. Passed a restless 
night. Felt that I had indulged too much levity 
of spirit during the evening. Longed to draw 
nigh to God, and pour out my heart before him ; 
but Satan tempted me to think the way of access 
was closed. O Lord, enable me to say in faith, 
* I will arise and go to my Father. ' " 

" Dec. 22. — My beloved father's birthday. O 
my heavenly Father, lead him to thee, and make 
him an heir of salvation through Christ Jesus. 
Yesterday was my beloved aunt's birthday. O, 
may she ever be supported, cherished, blessed by 
Him whom she loves. Spent the evening in 
writing to her and Mrs. Reed." 

"December 25. — On the 23d, at about half 
past twelve, was aroused from sleep by the most 
tremendous squall we have yet experienced ; and 
we were so near land, that the vessel was for 
some minutes in danger of being wrecked. My 
feelings on that occasion were varied and power- 
ful. Sat up till two o'clock, ruminating on the 
state of my heart and affections toward God. O 
for more devotedness of heart, more simplicity 
and fervor of faith ! This day year, I spent with 
dear Miss Braithwaite. O, what changes have 
taken place since that time ! Lord, enlighten 
what is dark in my mind ; illuminate it by the 
gracious influences of thy Spirit. O, may the 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 91 

exercises of this day and the past Sabbath be 
sanctified to the souls of my beloved family. And 
O, may the life which thou hast been pleased to 
spare to thine unworthy servant be felt to be 
more than ever thine ; and enable me this day to 
renew my vows, and devote myself, soul, body, 
and spirit, to thee, and to thy service, now and for- 
ever. Then shall I not fear, though this frail 
tabernacle be quickly dissolved, and I, perhaps, 
suddenly summoned into thy once awful, but now 
endeared presence." 

" Dec. 29. — Off Borneo, near Amboyna. Yester- 
day, caught a shark. Jan. 1, 1838. Off Gilolo." 

" Again has the Lord brought me to the close 
of another year, the first of my being absent from 
home. With what distinguished mercies has it 
been crowned ! Yet, how ungrateful have I been ! 
O, when I review the past year, and compare my 
feelings at its commencement with those which I 
now experience, I cannot but feel that I am not 
walking with God as I then was. O, what Christian 
privileges have I enjoyed ! and yet, alas ! at what 
a distance do I feel myself from thee, O my 
Father ! O, forgive me for all my past sins ; and 
enable me to draw near to thee in faith, and feel 
that thou art ever present with me. Make the 
remembrance of my past sins grievous unto me ; 
and O, help me to resolve, in thy strength and thy 



92 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

grace, to forsake, from this time, all allowed and 
indulged sin, walking in thy fear, and seeking 
solely to please thee. I know not what awaits me 
during the year upon which I have now entered. 
But O, if my heart is singly devoted to thee, how 
little can the events of this life affect me ! Prepare 
me, if it be thy gracious will, to spend my life in 
promoting my dear Redeemer's cause. But O, how 
can I do so, weak, and selfish, and sinful as I am ! 
O Lord, empty me of self, strengthen me to resist 
sin and Satan, give me an enlarged heart, and a 
spirit of prayer ; and O, enable me to love thee, 
and to feel that thou art a God of love. Bless my 
native country, my parents, relatives, and friends ; 
strengthen, stablish, settle those who have been 
led already to devote themselves to thee, and turn 
the hearts of those who know thee not. Make 
them to hear the Saviour's voice, and may they 
all find acceptance with thee, through his atoning 
blood." 

u January 16. — Finished * Signs of the Times.' 
This day a year, first went to Hackney. January 
20. This day a year, I first received the decision 
of the committee in favor of my going to China, 
and now I hope to be there in ten days. O most 
gracious Father, endue me largely with thy grace, 
that I may not, in character of a missionary agent, 
bring reproach upon thine ever-blessed gospel, 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 93 

or cause the society to regret that. I was appointed 
their representative in heathen lands. Lord, in 
all things perfect that which concerneth me, for 
Christ's sake." 

She arrived at Macao, on one of the last days of 
January, 1838, and became a member of the Rev. 
Mr. Gutzlaff's family. The following, to a mis- 
sionary friend at Batavia, gives some account of 
her voyage and situation in her new home : — 

My dear Sister : — 

I feel anxious to write to you as early as 
possible, to assure you of my safe arrival at Macao, 
and to express to you my grateful thanks for your 

sisterly kindness to mo during my slay a t Batavia. 

we ima a long passage or seven weeKs to iviacao ; 
but generally we enjoyed fine weather, though ? 
during one night off Borneo, we were in great 
danger from a squall while near the land. How- 
ever, the Lord graciously preserved us, and vouch- 
safed us a safe passage. I feel that it is of the 
Lord that I have come to this people, and I desire 
to spend my life in their service. I am exceed- 
ingly anxious to learn Chinese, and I earnestly 
desire your prayers in my behalf; for, without the 
special aid of the Holy Spirit, I shall never be able 
to accomplish it ; and with it, what is not pos- 
sible ? I hope your health is better than when I 



94 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

saw you, and also that dear Sarah has not exerted 
herself during your absence. 

To-morrow, we are to have a sale of fancy arti- 
cles for the school, and I hope they may sell well, 
as we are short of funds. But I regret to state 
that there are, as in your boxes, many useless 
articles. Of course, I cannot, at present, give you 
much account of the state of things here ; but, for 
myself, I have renewed cause to place my confi- 
dence in Him who doeth all things well, and who 
counts even the hairs of our head. The weather 
is now mild and pleasant, as the depth of winter is 
over. I am sure you will excuse a longer letter, 
in consideration of the multiplicity of engagements 

whicn at tills lilue proes upon mc. Lot mo, how- 
ever, CApicss a liupu iliai I oliu.ll ovjv^h litai ciiliei 

from you or dear Sarah, and accept for yourself, 
and present to her, for me, the tender love, united 
with the fervent prayers of 

Your affectionate sister in Christ, 

Theodosia Ann Barker. 

It was the expectation of Miss Barker and her 
friends, that the family of Mr. GutzlafT would be 
her home for years ; but they were disappointed, 
for reasons which are not stated. Her contem- 
plated marriage with Mr. Dean, no doubt, hastened 
her departure, though it seems not to have been its 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 95 

procuring cause. Another subject had for a time 
weighed heavily on her mind — that of changing her 
ecclesiastical relations. She says, " I have for 
many months reflected upon the subject of infant 
and adult baptism, and having always felt that the 
latter was scriptural, and that the former was not 
so, I have at length been enabled to declare my- 
self a Baptist. But still, my heart shrinks from 
publicly joining that church and communion, par- 
ticularly under existing circumstances. Lord, 
search my heart, and disclose to me the secret 
motives of this repugnance. Be thou, O Lord, 
my strength ; let me lean upon thee ; for of mine 
own self I can do nothing. Keep my mind in 
perfect peace, stayed on thee, and let me not 
indulge in undue anxiety about letters from my 
friends, but do thou order all things well, and in 
such a manner as may best promote thine honor 
and glory, and the spread of the gospel." 

The change of religious views, to which Miss 
Barker here alludes, had been going on in her 
mind some time before her arrival at Macao, as 
appears from the following document, dated 
" Ship Hashemy, Jan. 25, 1838," and entitled, 
fi the chief reasons which constitute my present 
desire to leave the Established Church and join the 
Dissenters." 

" I do not approve of the form of baptism now 



96 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

used in the Church of England, as it declares that 
the child is regenerated by that form, while we 
know that must be the work of the Spirit alone, 
though we presume not to limit the power of God 
as to how soon the work may be commenced in 
the heart of a child. 

" 2. I do not approve of the burial service, as 
it implies that all over whom that service is read 
will enjoy eternal life. 

" 3. I prefer extempore prayers to the forms of 
the Church. It seems to me more apostolical, and 
I can unite in this form of worship with a more 
devotional spirit. 

" These are my reasons for dissenting from the 
Church of England. I have admitted them slowly 
and reluctantly, as, for many reasons, I desired to 
remain in the Church ; but I now find that I can 
no longer declare myself a member of it." She 
afterwards added the following note : — 

" Since writing the above, my mind (which was 
then in an unsettled state respecting the form of 
baptism) has been led to adopt immersion as the 
only scriptural form of that ordinance. And in a 
few days I hope to be baptized agreeably to our 
Lord's command, and in conformity with his will.' 1 

It is a singular coincidence, that the providence 
which led her to India, to become, as the event 
proved, the wife of a Baptist missionary, of whose 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 97 

existence she probably had no knowledge before 
her arrival at Macao, was thus gradually adjusting 
her mind and religious convictions to the new 
sphere in which she was destined to move. The 
denominational position of her husband might be 
thought by many a sufficient reason for the change, 
there being nothing essential to salvation in being 
either an Episcopalian or a Baptist ; but, in Miss 
Barker's case, the change had been previously 
going on in her mind, though it was, no doubt, 
hastened to a consummation by her acquaintance 
with Mr. Dean. 

We insert here two little poetical pieces, the 
one entitled 

A PRAYER. 

WRITTEN IN MISS PHELPS'S ALBUM. 

Father of blessings infinite, 

Before thy throne I bow ; 
Oft hast thou heard my worthless prayer ; 

O, listen to me now. 

Grant to my friend, in early days, 

To understand thy will ; 
Incline her feet from folly's paths, 

To keep thy precepts still. 

Raise her affections from the world, 

To dwell in love with thee, 
That her whole heart, discharged from sin, 

Thy temple, Lord, may be 
9 



98 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN 

Through the devious paths of life, 

Her pilgrimage attend, 
And bid the opening lights of heaven 

Shed glory on its end. 

Should sorrow, like a gloomy cloud, 
Oppress her soul with fear, 

Let mercy, like the sacred bow 
Repress the starting tear. 

To her, and hers — the branch, the root - 
May peace on earth be given ; 

Beyond this life, may they appear 
A family in heaven. 



CONSOLATION. 

Yes, there is a Being benignant above us, 

To shelter in sorrow and cherish in care ;v 
Yes, there is a Power to pity and love us, 

A balm for the wounded, a beam for the tear, 
Which comes o'er the bosom, like day o'er the billow 

To mariners weary and wild with despair, 
"Which brightens the dungeon, and softens the pillow, 

And smiles, like a rose, on our wilderness here. 

The mighty and proud, in their mansions of pleasure, 

May squander their blessings in madness away ; 
The miser may worship his cankering treasure, 

The atheist deride, and the hypocrite pray 
With his lips, while his soul is enslaved to ambition ; 

But the Being who reigns o'er yon beautiful sphere 
Reads the heart and remembers the sigh of contrition, 

Nor bruises the reed that is broken and sere. 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 99 

CHAPTER X. 

HER MARRIAGE. 

That mysterious Providence which watches over 
the pious and the good, numbering even the hairs 
of their head, often conducts them to results least 
anticipated, and that, too, by methods as remote as 
possible from their thoughts. Our lives are meas- 
ured off to us, moment by moment, and there is 
no telling what a day may bring forth. 

How fully are these facts illustrated by the events 
of the life which we have under consideration 1 
We nave traced Miss Barker, groping her way in 
the dark, from her childhood in Thetford, to her 
education in Braeondale ; we have seen the birth 
of nature followed by that of grace, conducting 
her in a way that she knew not, and by paths that 
she had not found out ; we have watched the dawn 
of the new life to its perfected effulgence in the 
missionary spirit, impelling her^ against the earnest 
remonstrances of friends, to offer herself as the 
agent of the benevolent in England among the 
benighted of her sex in India ; we have taken ac- 
count of her painful adieus to all whom her young 
heart had hitherto held most dear, and marked her 



100 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

watery way over an ocean hemisphere, till she 
reached the scene of her destination and her la- 
bors ; and we have been impressed throughout with 
the singleness of her aim to the one object, of 
living unmarried in the family of a distinguished 
missionary, to act as an assistant in teaching 
Chinese females the way of salvation by the cross. 
But, while her thoughts were thus confined to^ a 
particular direction, God was designing her as the 
bosom friend and fellow-laborer of a chosen ser- 
vant of his from another land, and connected with 
another denomination. 

Rev. William Dean, who sailed from this coun- 
try, in 1834, in company with the beloved Corn- 
stock and others, had buried the wife of his youth, 
and was now, with his surviving etUld, at Macao, 
for the benefit of his health, and often in the family 
of Mr. Gutzlaff. Consequently, his acquaintance 
with Miss Barker commenced with her arrival at 
that place. And as he was then laboring among 
the Chinese of Bangkok, Siam, and as Miss Barker 
had made upon his mind an impression to justify 
his choice of her for a wife, he seems to have 
proposed himself to her within two or three weeks 
of their first meeting. This haste was the result 
of necessity rather than of choice, inasmuch as 
he was in a few days to sail for the field of his 
labors. 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 10 1 

Miss Barker's reply to this proposal bears date 
Macao, February 19, 1838, just about twenty days 
after her arrival. 

Dear Mr. Dean : — 

I am fearful that my conduct this evening ap- 
peared to you inexplicable and uncandid. But I 
feel assured that you will excuse it, if you con- 
sider, for a moment, the tumult of feeling which 
arose within my heart at your kind though unex- 
pected proposal. I feel perfectly at a loss what 
to reply, as you yourself must perceive, when you 
reflect upon my duty as a Christian, a missionary, 
my relations to the society which sent me out, and 
the influence of my example at home. What 
would be there thought of my so soon abandoning 
the station which has been assigned me ? And 
again, my own personal feelings, you must allow? 
were sufficient to render me silent ; and it will 
require much prayerful consideration, before I 
could feel myself prepared to answer your ques- 
tion, or form any distinct idea of the state of my 
own heart on the subject. Besides, there are other 
reasons that make it impossible for me, at present, 
to give an answer ; and if this should prove an ob- 
jection, then nothing more need be said. But, if 
you still wish me to give the subject a serious 
consideration, you must allow me time to seek by 
9* 



102 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

prayer for divine light and guidance ; for of my- 
self I can do nothing. 

I know not how this reply will appear to you. 
I can only say, it is a candid statement of my own 
feelings ; and that, however the event may be or- 
dered by Providence, I shall always remain 
Your sincere friend, 

Theodosia A. Barker. 

To this, Mr. Dean replied as follows : — 

Macao, Feb. 20, 1838. 
My dear Miss Barker : — 

Allow me to acknowledge the receipt of your 
kind note this morning, which affords me pleasure, 
as expressing a disposition, on your part, to regard 
my proposition with prayerful consideration, while 
I fear it has been the source of painful solicitude. 
Your reply is all that I could reasonably have 
expected, and, in view of our short acquaintance, 
all that could be desired. It is a matter of too 
much importance to be decided hastily, or without 
the guidance of Him whom we serve. Concern- 
ing your engagements to the society under whose 
patronage you came hither, you must be the best 
judge, while it must depend upon your pleasure, or 
sense of duty, to continue or dissolve your rela- 
tions to it and others concerned. It would be 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 103 

very far from my wish, however much I might 
desire your society and aid, to influence you to a 
course inconsistent with your duty to others, or 
which might embarrass the cause to which w T e are 
mutually devoted. I trust that the proposition was 
made with a desire to promote the Saviour's honor ; 
and, whatever may be the termination, I hope it 
may result in his glory, and our own good. • • ■ 

It would be beyond my power to secure to you 
the pleasures which wealth and earthly enjoyments 
might afford. My life is devoted to the heathen, 
and my station among them offers few enjoyments 
to those who live for this world. I could not prom- 
ise a fine house, in a salubrious climate, with the 
luxuries of life, and the pleasures of refined soci- 
ety. From present prospects, my home is to be in 
an humble cottage, surrounded by ignorant and 
degraded pagans. With them I expect to associ- 
ate, and for their salvation I hope henceforth to 
labor. 

I can make no reference to a line of distin- 
guished ancestors as an inducement ; while I am 
in advance of your years, with a constitution sub- 
ject to various infirmities, and a heart with many 
characteristics little calculated to contribute to 
social and domestic enjoyment. If, under such 
circumstances, you might think it possible for me 
to render you happy as a companion, it would 



104 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

afford me much pleasure to do so. As you have 
intimated that it appeared to be your duty to re- 
main for the present in Macao, and as I am expect- 
ing in a few weeks to leave, may I not inquire, if I 
may not be favored with your society on my re- 
turn, whether you will favor me with your corre- 
spondence relative to this subject hereafter ? Al- 
though you may be unable to decide this matter 
immediately, perhaps you may inform me whether 
it would be agreeable to your feelings to reserve 
the subject for future decision, or whether you 
would prefer to dismiss it from your thoughts alto- 
gether. 

To express my feelings on this subject would be 
unnecessary, since, notwithstanding a coincidence 
of feeling is necessary to secure happiness in the 
domestic relation, yet principle must be the rule 
of action. It is impossible for us to say what Prov- 
idence may in future disclose in relation to us ; and 
whether or not I am to have the pleasure of shar- 
ing with you the joys and labors of this life, I 
hope that the mutual interchange of feeling and 
sentiment in which we have indulged, may not be 
to you the source of present pain or future regret. 
Whatever disclosures you may be disposed to make 
of your circumstances or feelings will be sacredly 
preserved by your affectionate friend, 

William Dean. 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 105 

Though the subject is a delicate one, and the 
compiler is by no means certain that he may not 
have ^trespassed upon propriety in inserting the 
above, yet the sentiments of it seem to him so 
just, so discreet, so suited to the occasion and cir- 
cumstances, yea, to the religious and missionary 
character of the parties concerned, that he can see 
no reason for withholding it, and no injury that can 
accrue to any one from its publication. Whereas, 
without a particular statement of all the considera- 
tions for deciding upon so precipitate a marriage, 
it might leave the transaction open to evil surmises 
and unkind imputations. In reply, Miss Barker 
says, — 

This is a question which prayerful thought and 
much time alone can enable me to answer. And 
still it is not right to keep your mind in suspense ; 
but I cannot decide now. And I tremble lest I 
should put myself in the way of engaging my 
affections, and thus bias my judgment, before my 
mind is decided as to the path of duty. I think I 
need not assure you, that the vanities of this life 
have no part in my present feelings. To be use- 
fully engaged in the Lord's service is, I trust, all 
my desire ; and, if I felt at liberty to change my 
present state, I know of nothing else which would 
lead me to refuse sharing with you your labors. 



106 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

I have now, dear Mr. Dean, endeavored openly 
to explain to you my feelings and my fears, and 
must leave the issue in the Lord's hands. That he 
may employ us in such a way as shall best promote 
the Saviour's cause, is the sincere prayer of 
Yours truly, 

Theodosia A. Barker. 

When the character and circumstances of the 
parties are considered, it is not surprising that the 
acquaintance thus commenced should have speed- 
ily ripened into marriage. Their ages were not 
unsuitable, though Mr. Dean was considerably her 
senior. They were both pious, both thousands of 
miles from the respective countries of their birth 
and ot their earthly friends, both in India on a 
mission to the heathen, and expected there to live, 
labor, and die ; and, besides, they were mutually 
assured of each other's excellence of character by 
the fact that they had been sent out by societies at 
home, after the most careful scrutiny into their 
fitness for such an appointment. Hence nothing 
was necessary in the premises, but to assure them- 
selves of their personal interest in each other, to 
justify their marriage. Other circumstances con- 
curred in the case of both of them, also, to make 
delay inconvenient, and quite out of the question. 
He was then waiting a ship to convey him to the 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 107 

field of his labors in Siam, and must leave in a few 
days ; while her situation was unexpectedly found 
to be such as to demand a change, and, whether 
married or not, she must leave the family with 
whom it was anticipated both by herself and her 
friends that she would find a somewhat permanent 
home. It was first contemplated placing her in the 
family of another missionary, to remain until Mr. 
Dean should be able to return for the marriage. 
To this they were prompted more from a regard 
to the speech of people, and from her desire to 
hear from her friends at home before taking so 
important a step, than from any thing that con- 
cerned themselves personally. Indeed, every thing, 
so far as they were concerned, demanded a speedy 
completion of the union between them. These 
considerations overbalanced all others, and, after a 
week or two of hesitation, doubt, and delay, she 
addressed to Mr. Dean the following letter, dated 

Macao, March 2, 1838. 
My dear Mr. Dean : — 

I know not whether I clearly conveyed to you, 
this morning, my present wishes and intentions. I 
therefore address a few lines to you now, to 
inform you that, if it is your desire to leave Ma- 
cao soon, I will be in readiness to accompany you, 
though I should greatly prefer staying with Mr. S. 



108 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

a month or six weeks. But this I leave with you, 
as I would not wish to be a hinderance to you in 
any way. 

I know that, by consenting to unite my destiny 
with yours, I necessarily take on myself many 
duties new to me, and the performance of which 
must be accompanied with many cares. But then, 
again, they will be overbalanced by new mercies 
and blessings, if our union should be agreeable to 
the will of our heavenly Father. 

With regard to your little girl, she is, in my 
opinion, too young to be sent quite away from her 
father, and, if it could possibly be avoided without 
injury to her health, I should much prefer to have 
her remain. But this, of course, I must leave 
with you, as I cannot take upon myself the respon- 
sibility of persuading you to let her remain, while 
you yourself are inclined to embrace the present 
favorable opportunity for her to go to x\merica. I 
cannot add more now than that I am 
Yours truly, 

Theodosia A. Barker 

March 4, two days later than the foregoing, we 
find the following entry in her private journal : — 

Macao, Sabbath morning. — This is my last day 
in the family of Mr. G., where, when I arrived, I 
looked forward to remaining some years ; and now, 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 109 

after a visit of a few short weeks, my prospects 
are entirely changed. O my Father, is this change 
I am about to make for thy honor and glory ? O 
Lord, thou who alone canst read the hearts of men, 
purify my motives, sanctify my feelings and affec- 
tions, elevate my thoughts, direct and control my 
actions ; and, O, grant that all I do may indeed be 
for the promotion of thy cause. 

u I tremble when I think of the responsibilities 
of the engagement into which I have entered. 
Lord, I trust the work is of thee. O, incline the 
hearts of my friends at home to think and feel it 
to be so. Let me not be taken up with the vain 
things of this world, but let my whole soul be 
raised from these things to the promotion of thy 
gospel, and the good of souls. Take care of thy 
cause in this place, and, O, let me not now, nor at 
any time, bring a reproach upon thy gospel. I ask 
this, O Lord, for thy great name's sake, through 
the merits of Him who died that I may live." 

Clear as were the indications of Providence 
leading to this decision, it was so new, so strange, 
so unexpected, and bade fair to be a subject of so 
much remark among her friends at home, as to 
cover her spirits with a gloom and oppression 
which she could not at all times surmount. 
Though her heart and judgment concurred in it 
most entirely, yet it was too sudden a transition to 
10 



110 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

admit of being passed without anxiety. Hence 
we find her writing, — 

March 19, 1838. 
My dear Friend : — 

Your kind note of this evening was most wel- 
come to me ; for, from various causes, my heart feels 
depressed this evening to a degree which I have sel- 
dom experienced. O, pray for me that my spirits 
may be strengthened, and that the Lord would be 
pleased to vouchsafe me now, and in all seasons 
of trial, that sweet, refreshing sense of his presence 
which I strive in vain to realize. I know the Sa- 
viour is gracious to me ; but I cannot feel it, and 
therefore my spirit is not comforted. But why do 
I sadden your heart with my complaints ? For- 
give me, for I feel to-night what it is to be in a 
strange land, away from all my tried friends and 
counsellors. ' O for a closer walk with God.' 

The way in which you propose to spend to- 
morrow is quite in unison with my feelings. My 
spirit is humbled, and I never felt more need of 
prayer for guidance and consolation than at this 
moment. Were I to go on, I should only grieve 
your tender feelings, and therefore I will say no 
more at present, than that you have my earnest 
prayers that the Lord Jesus may be with us on the 
morrow, and every succeeding day of our lives, 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. Ill 

and at length bring us to that land where tears are 
unknown. Pray for me, my dear friend, and 
think of me as 

Your sincere though sorrowing friend, 

Theodosia. 

This correspondence resulted in their marriage 
on the 27th of March, 1838, just two months after 
her arrival in China. The ceremony was per- 
formed by the Rev. Mr. Vachel, English chaplain 
at Macao. We find the following notice of the 
event in her journal : " March 29. This is the 
19th anniversary of my birthday, and the second 
day after my marriage. In looking back upon the 
past year, O, what important changes have taken 
place ! During this year, I have left my native 
land to commence the work of a missionary ; I 
have declared myself no longer a member of the 
Established Church, but a Baptist in heart ; I have 
left Mrs. G., where I looked forward to remaining 
some years, have taken upon myself the respon- 
sible duties of the married state, and am now 
about to leave Macao and proceed on my way to 
Bangkok., to join in the missionary work with many 
dear sisters already there. O my Father, my 
heart sinks within me, when I think of these 
solemn responsibilities in connection with my own 
weakness and infirmities. O, prepare me for all 



112 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

that thou hast prepared for me. Strengthen me in 
thee. Give me more devotedness to thee. Give 
me a single eye to thy glory in all 1 do or think. 
Let me not fix my affections supremely on the 
creature, but let them be preeminently fixed on 
thee. 

"As thy day is, so shall thy strength be." 

" Blessed promise ! sweet assurance 
Of our Father's tender care ; 
Sorrow 's easy of endurance 
When he gives us strength to bear. 

" Moses, in the land a stranger, 

Seemed th' Egyptian's easy prey ; 
But the Lord, who saw his danger, 
Gave him strength to meet his day. 

" Jacob, with the angel striving, 

Human strength availing nought, 
From his God fresh hope deriving, 
Gained the blessing that he sought. 

" David, when the giant braved him, 
Boldly met him in the fray ; 
'Twas the arm of God that made him 
All-sufficient for his day. 

" When our gourds no longer shade us, 
Mar ah' s waters bitter prove, 
Cheering thought, — the God that made us 
Still remembers us in love." 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 113 



CHAPTER XL 

VOYAGE TO SINGAPORE. — ARRIVAL AT BANG- 
KOK. — BAPTISM. — EXTRACTS FROM JOURNAL. 
— LABORS AND SUCCESSES AS A MISSIONARY. 

A few days after their marriage, Mr. and Mrs. 
Dean sailed for the field of their missionary labors. 
She writes, " April 9, Bengal Packet, China Sea, 
lat 10° N. — I am now on board ship, proceeding 
rapidly towards Singapore. We embarked on the 
31st of March, and sailed on the 1st inst., with a 
light breeze. 

■ DO YOU LOVE THE SEA ? ' 

" At the silent evening hour, 
When the moon exerts her power, 
Sailing through the azure sky, 
Kindling thoughts of ecstasy, 
Then I love to gaze on thee, 
Deep and boundless, tranquil sea. 

" When, arising from his rest, 
Cradled in the ocean's breast, 
Bright the sun returns his ray, 
Kindling darkness into day, 
Joy 'tis then to gaze on thee, 
Deep and boundless, tranquil sea. 
10* 



114 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

" When, upon the rocky shore, 
Sounds the angry billows' roar, — 
When the lightning flashes high 
Through the dark and troubled sky, — 
Deep the joy to gaze on thee, 
Dark and trackless, stormy sea. 

u Whether, through the ocean caves, 
Wild the foaming torrent raves, 
Or, hushed at rest, the murmuring main 
Yields to twilight's gentle reign, 
In every change, wide, trackless sea, 
Still I love to gaze on thee. 

" Since this voyage was commenced, what mer- 
cies have I received ! My life has been preserved 
in a season of danger, and my dear husband has 
been unto me all I could desire, while, my own 
mind has had much peaceful enjoyment in the 
Saviour." Peaceful thoughts, happy hours, days 
of repose in the bosom of an earthly as well as a 
heavenly protector, and the delightful hope of 
engaging in the work upon which she had come to 
India, under circumstances more advantageous than 
she could have anticipated, now succeeded to her 
long months of solitary conflict, and made this one 
of the happiest periods of her life. Duty, stern 
duty does, no doubt, impose on the single female, 
in some cases, the task of circumnavigating the 
globe, to elevate her sex, in distant lands, to the 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 115 

privileges which the gospel has to confer. But 
still, this can be regarded in no other light than as 
a sacrifice, which is greatly alleviated when Provi- 
dence sends a bosom companion to share it with 
her, to soothe her under it, and to counsel and pro- 
tect her. 

At sea, April 5, 1838, Mrs. Dean addressed 
the following letter to her husband's sister in 
America : — 

My dear sister Marietta : — 

Allow me to address you by this familiar and 
endearing title, since, in view of my relation to 
your dear brother, no other seems to be appropri- 
ate. It is true, we are at present strangers ; but I 
trust we shall not always remain so, but be allowed 
an interchange of thought and feeling, even should 
personal intercourse be denied us. 

I have but recently arrived from England, and 
have as yet no correspondent in America, our sis- 
ter country ; but I hope this will not long be the 
case, as there are many in that rapidly-advancing 
nation whom I highly esteem, and with whom I 
should regard it as a privilege to be acquainted. 
On my first arrival at Macao, I took up my abode 
at Mr. GutzlafTs, designing to be engaged in the 
tuition of children in the native language. There 
I had the pleasure of meeting your dear brother, 



116 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

and was finally prevailed upon to accompany him 
on his return to Bangkok. To you he is even bet- 
ter known than he is at present to me, and there- 
fore I need only say how much my heart swells 
with love and gratitude to Him who orders all 
events, and who has, I trust, fitted and formed us 
for each other. May he bless our union, and ever 
make it my privilege to share, in some degree, the 
future labors and trials of him to whom I have 
bound myself by such solemn obligations. 

Mr. Dean, after protracting his stay at Macao 
considerably beyond his original intention, was at 
length obliged to leave before dear little Matilda 
could embark for America. I saw much of her 
during the two months I was in China, and found 
her a very interesting and affectionate child, and 
should have been delighted to take charge of her, 
did Bangkok afford those advantages of climate, 
Christian privileges, and associates which she may 
enjoy in America. I trust the Lord will bless her, 
and prepare her for usefulness here, and happiness 
hereafter, whenever she is called to join her dear 
mother in glory. 

May I hope you will favor me shortly with a 
few lines, and accept the expression of my kindest 
wishes, while I subscribe myself 

Your affectionate sister, 

Theodosia A. Dean. 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 117 

" April 12. — Wrote a few letters in the course 
of last week, some of them addressed to those 
who know not God. May the blessing of the Lord 
go with them. Enjoyed a sweet season of prayer 
with Aloo, [a Chinese who professed Christianity, 
but afterwards dishonored his profession.] May 
he be fitted to be an instrument of usefulness to his 
countrymen." " Lost one of the men," who, it 
seems, was killed by the accidental discharge of a 
musket which he was cleaning. 

After staying at Singapore a few days, Mr. 
and Mrs. Dean proceeded in the ship Arab to 
Bangkok, where she writes, — 

" July 7, 1838. — From this time I desire to 
commence anew my private journal, and hope to 
keep it more faithfully and regularly than I have 
hitherto done. I pray the Lord to bless me in my 
endeavor, and strengthen me in the performance 
of my resolution. And may this, as a means, be 
blessed to my soul to promote my growth in grace, 
and increase in piety and love. I desire to praise 
God for his loving-kindness to me all my life, but 
especially during the last few months. And now 
that he has brought me, as I trust, to the field of 
my future labors, I pray that I may be more de- 
votedly his the remainder of my life. O my Father, 
accept my renewed and entire self-dedication to 
thee. Help me to fulfil the desires to serve thee 



118 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

which thou hast planted in my bosom. O, wilt 
thou forgive all my sins, heal all my backslidings, 
and restore my wandering feet to the way of life, 
and light, and peace. O, assist me in my endeav- 
ors to resist sin, and make me more what thou 
wouldst have me, more like a child of thine, a 
ransomed sinner, and an heir of glory. Assist me 
in all my relative duties to my husband, my house- 
hold, my Christian brethren, the poor heathen, the 
church at home, the world in general, and thee, 
my heavenly Father." Here she appends a series 
of resolutions, which show the unremitted struggle 
of her mind after increasing holiness. 

" 1. I desire, and resolve, in the strength of the 
Lord, henceforth to live more to him, and less to 
myself. 

" 2. To fulfil my relative duties more as a child 
of God. 

" 3. To guard against evil-speaking and detrac- 
tion in all its forms. 

" 4. To attend more to the duties of private 
devotion. 

" 5. To guard against impatience and a spirit 
of levity. 

" 6. To strive against an increasing spirit of 
indolence. 

" 7. To endeavor throughout the day to realize 
the thought that 1 am in the presence of the Lord, 
with eternity before me. 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 119 

" 8. To wrestle in prayer for the conversion of 
my friends. 

" 9. To endeavor to converse literally more 
with God than with men. 

" 10. To strive that my conversation with my 
beloved husband may be more of a spiritual char- 
acter, and that the sacredness of the relations we 
mutually sustain may be maintained with dignity 
becoming the children of God." 

To the foregoing resolutions, Mrs. Dean ap- 
pended the following arrangement for the devotions 
of each day of the week : — 

" Sabbath. — Pray for Sabbath schools, preaching, 
and other means and ordinances of Christian instruc- 
tion, my household and family, the increased out- 
pouring of the Spirit, and renewed self-devotedness. 

" Monday. — Female missionaries, heathen fe- 
males, China, Thetford friends. 

" Tuesday. — Jews, missionaries, Bracondale 
friends, Siam. 

" Wednesday. — Professed Christians, mission- 
ary societies, Hackney friends. 

" Thursday. — Infidels, unconverted ministers, 
Madagascar, Matilda, [her husband's little daughter.] 

u Friday. — Roman Catholics and all devotees 
of false religion, candidates for the ministry, sem- 
inaries of learning, school friends, Japan. 

" Saturday. — The true children of God, Chris- 



120 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

tian ministers, ' Ladies' Society,' native land, our 
young queen, Bangkok church. 

" First Monday in the month. — Missionary 
prayer meeting. 

€i First Wednesday in the month. — Maternal 
prayer meeting." 

These resolutions and memoranda show her 
zeal for personal improvement, and the compre- 
hensiveness of her views and subjects of specific 
prayer and supplication. Such a plan, carried out 
with any tolerable degree of regularity, must have 
kept her mind in a constant frame of prayer and 
watchfulness, and held her thoughts and desires to 
the highest objects to which they can be directed — 
God, benevolence, holiness, heaven. Whatever 
may be said of such a resort as a means to holy 
living, it is certain that all the best characters 
— Edwards, Wesley, Whitefield, Baxter, Brain- 
ard, Martyn, Payson — gave themselves to it; and 
some of them have left on record the most ample 
and minute resolutions for the guidance of their 
own conduct, and the control of their own spirits. 
Though every one who thus attempts to live by 
method and rule may be daily convicted of coming 
short of the plan prescribed to himself, yet he will 
rise much higher in the scale of excellence, than 
as if nothing of the kind were attempted. How 
much effort it costs to lead a life of faith ! How 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 121 

constantly must the mind be panoplied for action, 
fighting the good fight of faith, and laying hold on 
eternal life ! How exalted must be our aim, if we 
would attain any tolerable degree of elevation over 
this evil world ! 

"July 13. — Yesterday attended Chinese wor- 
ship at the bazaar. My dear husband, though un- 
intentionally on his part, was the source of trial to 
me during the day. O, if for a fancied slight my 
heart is so easily wounded, what must my Saviour 
feel for the oft-repeated, ungrateful, and base re- 
turns of his unspeakable love to us ! " 

We have already detailed, under the head of 
her conversion, a part of the experience which 
she related to the church at Bangkok on the occa- 
sion of her baptism, which took place a few days 
after her arrival in that city. She says, in her 
communication to the church, — 

" My dear brothers and sisters : Having ex- 
pressed my desire of the privilege of being ad- 
mitted a member of your church, and of receiving 
the ordinance of baptism, it may be deemed neces- 
sary for me to offer some statement of my views 
and present state of religious feeling." She here 
details the facts of her early religious history, 
which have been before stated. She adds further, 
" For some months previous to leaving Eng- 
land, I attended divine service at the dissenting 
11 



122 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

chapels of London, and, at the same time, my 
mind was decided as to leaving the establishment, 
but I was not equally determined whether to con- 
nect myself with the Congregationalists or Bap- 
tists. My prejudices and connections led me to 
desire the former ; but the more I searched the 
Scriptures, the more was I led to see that, if I 
wished to follow our Saviour's example and injunc- 
tion, admission into the church by immersion was 
my duty, and will, I hope, now become my privi- 
lege. My mind having been led to this conclu- 
sion, and having briefly stated my past feelings 
and sentiments, I now offer myself as a candidate 
for baptism, and will only add, that though I feel 
deeply my own sinfulness and unworthiness, yet 
I feel, at the same time, that He who has called 
me by his grace will not forsake me. But though 
I may offend and grieve him, yet will he still heal 
my backslidings, reclaim my heart-wanderings, 
and pardon me, for the Redeemer's sake." 

Both Mrs. Dean and her Chinese teacher re- 
ceived baptism at the hands of her husband, in 
the River Menam, July 15, 1838. In the after- 
noon of the same day she writes, " I have just 
returned from the celebration of the Lord's sup- 
per, after being baptized, in company with the 
Chinese converts. Previous to the service, my 
mind was much agitated from my natural fears 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 123 

of the administration of the ordinance ; but I was 
much supported by divine grace. And O, how 
shall I describe my feelings at my reception into 
the little Bangkok church, by my beloved husband ? 
O, may I be enabled indeed to fulfil my various 
duties to the church, to the heathen, to my hus- 
band, to my household, and my God, at the same 
time not forgetting my tenderly-beloved family in 
my native land. My heart is full. O Lord, I pray 
thee to make me and those whom thou hast called 
from among the heathen, and who have this day 
been baptized, faithful unto death. O Lord, par- 
don, I do beseech thee, all my past sins, reclaim 
my wandering affections, and help me to subdue 
my pride and selfishness. O, cleanse my depraved 
heart, and may I by this act, in obedience to thy 
command, be renewedly and unreservedly devoted 
to thee. And if I have hitherto indulged in any 
secret sin, help me to cast it from me. O, give 
me an humble, penitent, believing heart. Give me 
a spirit of prayer ; increase my faith and love ; and 
may I, from this time, never lose sight of eternity, 
nor of my Saviour's love. O my blessed Re- 
deemer, hast thou not met with me at thy table 
once more ; and wilt thou not preserve me as thine 
own, until I am redeemed to thee in thy kingdom 
forever ? 

" July 16. — Felt very happy all day, and more 



124 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

free from fatigue than I have been for some days 
past. To-day commenced housekeeping. And 
O, may the blessing of the Most High rest upon 
us and our household. May we be a house fear- 
ing the Lord, and serving him in all our ways. O 
my Father, make me grateful to thee for all thy 
blessings ; my heart swells with love to thee, 
when I think of them. O, keep me humble, and 
make me more devoted to thee. 

" July 22. — Had a pleasant meeting with the 
Chinese this morning. There were not so many 
as usual, though all the members of the church 
were present. In looking back upon the past 
week, feel deeply humbled in view of my utter 
unworthiness. O that I could live up to the spirit 
of the Christian religion ! Lord, nothing but thine 
infinite grace can heal my backslidings, and make 
me fit for thine acceptance in the world to come. 
O, I would be thine, Lord. I am oppressed ; un- 
dertake for me. 

" July 25. — It was my dear husband's turn to 
conduct the meeting this evening, when he took 
occasion seriously and solemnly to mention that 
he thought there was a sad declension in vital re- 
ligion among us at this time. I do indeed feel 
humbled, under the consciousness that it is the 
case with my own heart. O that I could live up 
to my privileges, live more to God and less to self, 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 125 

more for eternity and less for the world. O my 
Father, forgive me, and let me not be the one to 
lower the standard of piety in our little circle, in 
my husband's heart, or in my own soul. 

H Enjoyed our female prayer meeting somewhat 
this afternoon, and felt some delight in praying 
with and for my dear sisters. 

* " Sabbath, July 29. — Met with about twenty 
Chinese this morning, and afterwards united w^ith 
the church members in a prayer meeting. Felt 
grieved, that during the service some of our ser- 
vants were gambling, and at last came to blows. 

that they might be made the servants of the 
living God, and feel that he is a God of love ! O 
my Father, I would desire to thank thee that my 
husband, after a comparatively short turn of ill- 
ness, has been nearly restored to his wonted health. 
O, may he live to serve thee, and may I be enabled 
to hold my love to him under thy control. O, may 

1 love thee above all created things, and may my 
attachment to them be sanctified by the view of 
eternity. 

" Last Sabbath, my dear husband proposed 
spending a special season in prayer together ev- 
ery Sabbath, humbling ourselves before God for 
our sins, and praying for his blessing, and the 
Holy Spirit to descend upon this heathen people. 
O, sanctify this season to us, and make us to feel 
11* 



126 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

the sins we own, and shun what we deplore. My 
dear husband read Dr. Read's sermon upon c emi- 
nent piety essential to eminent usefulness.' I 
feel daily more and more the necessity of an in- 
creased depth and fervency of piety, before I can 
hope for a blessing on my labors ; my mind 
seems so trifling, so filled with the things of this 
world. O, forgive me, I pray thee, and fix my 
heart and eyes on thee. 

" July 80. — Felt unwell in the morning, and 
throughout the day ; indulged an indolent spirit 
little becoming the servant of the blessed Jesus. 
Neglected secret prayer. O my Father, forgive 
me. Restore me to thyself, and enable me to live 
in the spirit of prayer. 

" August 3. — On Wednesday, we held our ma- 
ternal meeting, which was very interesting ; and in 
the evening we had a pleasant, and, I trust, profit- 
able meeting, conducted by brother Jones. But 
notwithstanding all these privileges, in the evening 
I felt unhappy, and rendered my dear husband so. 
Afterwards enjoyed a season of prayer, and retired 
feeling more comfortable. 

" Friday, commenced teaching A Tim, a Chi- 
nese girl, English, and enjoyed tolerable health of 
body, though my mind seemed taken up with 
earthly cares. 

" Aug. 5. — Sabbath. Felt restless and uneasy 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 127 

during Chinese worship. At the close, endeavored 
to spend a season in prayer, but my heart seemed 
at an infinite distance from the Lord. O my 
Father, draw me nearer to thyself. Increase my 
faith, and enable me to come to thee with re- 
newed boldness and confidence in my Saviour's 
name. 

" Aug. 9. — Last evening, at Mr. Robbins's. He 
made a few remarks on the necessity of the Spirit's 
influence. It was an interesting season. A spirit 
of prayer seemed to extend itself to all our com- 
pany. One year to-day since I embarked in the 
ship Hashemy, looking forward to the perils of 
a long voyage, and the self-denial attending a 
stranger in a strange land. Now, what a con- 
trast ! Blessed with a comfortable home, one of the 
tenderest of husbands, surrounded by affectionate 
brethren and sisters, with every facility for ac- 
quiring the Chinese language, and every prospect 
of usefulness among the heathen, if the Lord will 
only bestow upon me much of his Spirit, and give 
me a heart to glorify him. O my Father, when I 
think of these distinguishing mercies, and call to 
mind my own sinfulness and abuse of them, my 
soul is humbled. O that I could weep over my 
sins ! O that I could feel true contrition before 
thee ! O my Father, if spared another year, wilt 
not thou grant that at its close I may enjoy more 



128 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

holiness of heart, and nearness to thee, than at this 
time ? Lord, I would again renew my entire self- 
dedication to thee. O, help me to live to thee, to 
walk closely with thee here, that I may finally 
enjoy thee forever." 

Soon after her arrival in Bangkok, Mrs. Dean 
collected a school of Chinese boys, and also brought 
two or three girls under her daily care and in- 
struction. The boys learned their lessons under a 
native teacher, but daily recited them to her, who 
also gave them lessons in arithmetic, — employing 
the native character, but a modified mode of in- 
struction, — superintended their writing, and adopt- 
ed a course in explaining the native books which is 
never attempted by the Chinese, till after the 
pupils have spent years in repeating the sounds 
and writing the characters. In connection with 
this, the boys received some general ideas of 
geography and sacred history, while they formed 
a regular Sunday school class under Mrs. Dean's 
instruction on the Sabbath. 

In these various employments, she labored with 
an assiduity and perseverance which could not fail 
of success. And though, at the commencement 
of her efforts, there existed strong prejudices in 
the minds of the natives against sending their 
children to a school under the care of foreigners, 
yet she had the pleasure of seeing their prejudices 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 129 

give way ; while the superior proficiency of the 
children, compared with those in native schools, 
together with the kind attention and close, watch- 
ful care they received, gave their parents a confi- 
dence which induced them to commit them entirely 
to her supervision. At first she experienced great 
inconvenience from the irregular habits and un- 
certain attendance of the boys ; but after a time 
they were not allowed to leave the school, or 
return home to their parents, unless attended by 
their teacher, or some one of her appointment who 
was made responsible for their timely return. In 
these weekly visits to the parents of the children, 
Mrs. Dean enjoyed an opportunity of conversing 
with their mothers, who, in return, visited her at 
her own house, and thus enjoyed much religious 
instruction, and were, in some instances, induced to 
overstep the prejudices of their countrymen so 
far as to attend on divine service at the chapel. 

These visits of the boys to their parents were 
generally on Wednesday afternoon, when one was 
privileged to go home attended by all the boys, 
except those who had forfeited the favor by mis- 
conduct, and the next week all went to the house 
of another boy, and so on, till each in turn had 
been thus gratified and honored. The prejudices 
of the natives against the education of girls being 
so strong, little could be done for their instruction. 



130 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

The proposal to parents to teach their daughters 
to read and write, strikes them with surprise. 
" What," say they, " is the use of girls to read ? " 
But their prejudices were softened by seeing the 
few, who were brought under instruction, spending 
a part of their time in needle-work, and cultivating 
habits of industry and propriety. Still, the nations 
of the East must undergo a great change of views 
in relation to comparative rank in society held by 
their wives and daughters, before they can feel any 
great interest in female education. Mission schools, 
on a limited scale, are now in successful operation 
at Bangkok, both among the Chinese and Siamese ; 
and much good in this way will be done, not only 
by giving to the young an improved method of 
study, and more general information, but by bring- 
ing them daily under a Christian influence, which, 
by the blessing of God, may savingly benefit, not 
only themselves, but their parents and friends. 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 131 

CHAPTER XII. 

JOURNAL. — CORRESPONDENCE. 

Mrs. Dean has left a few traces of her private 
history in the records of her journal, between the 
months of August and November, 1838. " Had 
an interesting meeting with the Chinese this 
morning," she writes on Sabbath day, August 18. 
" Had a long talk with the church members after- 
wards in our veranda. O that I could better 
understand their language, and speak more intel- 
ligibly to them ! 

September 13. — Yesterday, enjoyed our female 
prayer meeting very much. Prayed more par- 
ticularly for the Roman Catholics. O that they 
might indeed worship the Lord Jesus in simplicity 
and in truth ! Sister R. made some interesting 
remarks in relation to our intercourse with the 
heathen and each other, and with those here, who, 
though from our own country, love not our Lord 
Jesus ; likewise in relation to the fact that there 
have been no conversions among the Siamese. O 
my Father, help me and all my dear sisters in 
this p-ace to live more in the spirit of prayer, and 
to feel more for the dying heathen. Spent some 



132 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

time with sister Bradley. In the morning, in a 
restless, dissatisfied spirit ; but to-night, enjoy a 
sweet sense of gratitude to God for all his mercies. 
O my Father, pardon all my sins, and help me, 
from this time, to love thee more and serve thee 
better. 

" Sept. 28. — Have been confined to my room 
for the last few days, with a troublesome and pain- 
ful eruption, the effect; as I suppose, of acclima- 
tion, from which I am now nearly recovered." 
This disease is said to have been of a serious 
character, somewhat resembling the small-pox. 
" Although I have recently enjoyed much time 
for meditation and prayer, and have experienced 
so many mercies, yet my heart feels dead, and 
cold, and distant from God. O my Father, suffer 
this, I entreat thee, no longer. Lord, hear my 
groanings ; draw me near to thee. O, forgive 
my sins. O, forgive my pride of heart ; make 
me meek and lowly. Let me no longer try to 
fulfil my daily duties in my own strength ; but 
do thou help me with strength and wisdom, and, 
above all, with thy Spirit. O Lord, bless my 
dear husband, and help me to fulfil my relative 
duties ; and may I ever feel the solemn relations I 
sustain. 

" October 7. — Sabbath. Yesterday and this 
morning I was far from well, and feared I should 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 133 

not enjoy the privileges of the Sabbath ; but in 
the forenoon, the Lord was pleased to alleviate 
my pain, and I enjoyed a sweet season of prayer 
with my husband, and likewise at our evening 
meeting. This day, I have been permitted to 
meet around the table of my Redeemer, with 
my dear Christian brethren and sisters. O Lord, 
sanctify to me this privilege. May I from this 
day be more devotedly thine, and live no longer 
to myself, but to thee. Assist me to walk softly 
before thee, and in a watchful and prayerful 
spirit. 

"Oct. 14. — Another Sabbath day is nearly passed; 
and O, my Father, wilt thou not help me to review 
the events of the past week ? It has been one of 
importance to me. My dear husband has devoted 
himself to the work of the Lord with renewed ear- 
nestness, and I would humbly desire to do the same ; 
but O, with what different feelings ! My heart is 
cold, my affections earthly, my desires after holiness 
feeble. I endeavor to pray, but my heart fails me. I 
read the word of God, but with little desire of search- 
ing into it. I see all this, and/eel all this, and know 
all this, still my heart is hard, and I seem to my- 
self unable to repent. O my Father, suffer me 
not, I beseech thee, to be dead while I live ; but, 
O, quicken me by thy Spirit, enlighten my mind, 
12 



134 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

and enable me to cleave unto thee, and love thee 
with an undivided heart. 

" Was pleased to hear the teacher's friend engage 
in prayer to-day for the first time. While heathens 
pray, can I be silent ? 

" Oct, 27. — Another Sabbath returns to bless 
us in this land of heathen darkness. Since my 
last date have been many times aroused to seri- 
ous reflections, but it all seems to pass away 
like the morning cloud and the early dew. Last 
Wednesday evening, a powerful appeal was made 
to us all to examine whether we failed not in 
prayer. O, what inducements and what encour- 
agements we have to pray ! and yet, O my 
Father, how utterly do I fail ! Were the heathen 
to come to me to know what they must do to be 
saved, could I, with my present state of mind, 
direct them to the Saviour in such a way as to 
convince them that I am sincere ? How can I 
expect to see souls converted through my instru- 
mentality ? 

" November 4. — Last evening, enjoyed a most 
interesting meeting at Dr. B's. My heart seemed 
once more softened, and I could weep for my sins. 
O, let not my heart again be hardened. Take not 
thy Holy Spirit from me. To-day, used our new 
school -room for the first time. O Lord, bless the 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 135 

children, and prepare them to be a seed to serve 
thee. 

*' Lord, I hear the moving question ; 
Oft I've asked myself the same ; 
And again, at thy suggestion, 
Stricter answer now I'll claim. 

" Do I really love the Saviour r 
Is his day a day of rest ? 
Do I show, by my behavior, 
That of all I love it best r 

" Do his enemies confound me, 
Living in a world of sin r 
Is it seen, by those around me, 
That with Jesus I have been} 

** When I read that sacred treasure, 
Where I find his will revealed, 
Is it always read with pleasure ? 
Is it with his blessing sealed ? 

*■ When I shut my door about me, 
Bidding meaner guests depart, 
Has he reason still to doubt me ? 
Do I give him all my heart ? 

4i When, the tear of anguish stealing, 
In his ear I pour my moan, 
Is it mixed with earthly feeling ? 
Do I mourn mv sins alone ? 



136 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

" O my Lord, I'm dumb before thee ; 
Tears alone are my reply : 
This I know, — I would adore thee, 
With thee live, and for thee die. 

" But so weak, so unavailing, 
Does my every effort prove, 
Sin I feel so oft prevailing, 
Scarce I know if yet I love. 

" Nought I'll promise, lest I break it : 
See, dear Lord, this heart of mine ; 
Come, my Saviour, come and take it ; 
Take my heart, and give me thine."' 

A year subsequently to their arrival in Bang- 
kok, Mr. Dean was compelled to leave his wife 
alone in the prosecution of her missionary work, 
on a tour for the benefit of his health. The cor- 
respondence which passed between them, together 
with a letter previously written by Mrs. Dean to 
one of her female friends in the Island of Java, 
will show how she was occupied during the first 
half of the year 1839. 

Bangkok, February 21, 1839. 
My dear Sister : — 

A very long time has elapsed since I wrote to 
you, and I have not yet once had the pleasure of 
receiving even a few lines from you. I know your 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 137 

engagements, and therefore cannot expect much ; 
but a few lines would be very grateful to me. You 
have had, ere this, the pleasure to receive back 
the Medhursts, and have doubtless obtained, through 
them, much intelligence from England, and many 
remembrances from beloved friends. Last month 
I had the happiness to receive my first letters 
from home, most of them, however, dated in '37 ; 
but I shall soon hope to receive some of later 
date. Mrs. Nevis and Youngblood have, I under- 
stand, left Batavia for Borneo. When I heard 
from the latter, through Mrs. Doty, she was very 
ill. How was she when she left ? Two of our 
party are now preparing to leave for M , situ- 
ated at a little distance from us, near the sea-coast. 
We are, however, expecting two or three more fam- 
ilies to arrive soon from America. I still keep up 
my school, but am often discouraged, as the chil- 
dren attend for so short a time. Did Miss Alder- 
sey take with her a girl from the Orphan Asylum ? 
She has never mentioned the subject in her letters 
to me. 

My principal object in writing at this time is, to 
request you to consult with Mrs. Medhurst, and see 
whether it is practicable to send me a little girl 
from the Orphan Asylum. I should very much 
like to have one of about eight or ten years of age,, 
with the view of teaching her English and Chi- 
12* 



138 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

nese, and preparing her for a teacher. I would 
engage to provide for her as long as I am able.; 
and if removed by sickness or death, she would 
then be taken care of by some other lady belong- 
ing to the mission. Should you think it practica- 
ble, please mention to Mr. M. that she must be 
quick and intelligent, so as to furnish some hope 
of her acquiring the Chinese language. If of Chi- 
nese descent, like your little Wilhelmina, I should 

greatly prefer it If you send her, please 

mention whether she has had the small-pox, as it 
is so very fatal here if it is taken without inocu- 
lation. 

I have now five boarders and one day scholar,* 
and I trust they may remain with me some time. 
I have just begun to teach them English in the 
evening, to keep them out of mischief, and I find 
it has a very good effect. I have not now leisure 
to add more than my kindest remembrances to all 
the missionary friends at Parapottan, and with kind 
love to yourself and Miss Hulk, believe me to re- 
main Yours very truly, 

Theodosia A. Dean. 

This request was responded to by sending a 
little girl, whose father was Dutch and mother 

* Probably her female pupils. 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 139 

Chinese, who lived with Mrs. Dean to the time of 
her death ; and then she was placed under Mrs. 
Shuck, and afterwards came to America, in charge 
of Mrs. Shuck's children, in 1846. 

The following were written to her husband, dur- 
ing his stay at the mouth of the river for the im- 
provement of his health : — 

Bangkok, June 21, 1839. 
My beloved Husband : — 

After a pleasant walk to Wat-Sam-Plun with 
Mr. R. I received your kind letter of the 19th 
inst. I saw the captain last night, who said you 
were growing stout ; but both from what he said 
and from your note, I have the impression that 
you have been very ill. O my love, why do you 
not write more explicitly concerning your health, 
as you leave me to my own imagination, which 
always presents things in a far more unfavorable 
light than the truth could do. 

How is Rufus ? Give my love to the afflicted 
parents, and tell them how much I sympathize with 
them in their present trial. 

This is my dearest's birthday, and my thoughts 
are drawn out to him in fond remembrances. 
Yesterday closed the first settled year of my life, 
since my childhood. And where is my dear hus- 
band, and what are his feelings this day ? I desire 



140 LIFE OF MRS.' DEAN. 

to feel thankful that your life has been spared 
another year ; and O, may the Lord see fit to re- 
store you to health, and permit you yet to see 
many anniversaries of this day, while still laboring 
for the heathen. Our teacher says that in two 
months he shall likewise be thirty- two. Aki is 
growing a little careless, and Apu has just been 
crying because he could not find a spoon lost 
through his inattention. The cook is suffering 
very much from toothache. The little " Commo- 
dore " does bravely. Mr. J. is very kind, and 
last night we all went up in our boat and took tea 
with the B's. Mrs. R. has been spending the 
day with Mrs. Reed, who is dwelling much on 
the death of her husband. Mrs. R. is a sweet 
woman, and I greatly enjoy her visit. I cannot 
add more at this time than to send you my warm- 
est love and affection. Keep your mind at ease, 
and stay as long as you can, and then return to 
Your affectionate 

Theodosia. 

In the letter of the 19th, to which she here al- 
ludes, Mr. Dean says, u My health is still improv- 
ing, having enjoyed a comfortable night, and taken 
a cup of tea this morning. Rufus is a little bet- 
ter." Rufus, the child here alluded to, was the 
eldest son of Rev. Mr. Robinson, who died on 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 141 

shipboard, off the mouth of the Mcnam, at the age 
of five years. He had, after the first few months 
of his life, been a constant sufferer, and at the 
time of his death had embarked for America, as 
the last resort for the restoration of his health. 
The little sufferer, while alone in his room, a short 
time before his death, was heard offering up his 
infant prayers to that Saviour who took little chil- 
dren to his arms and blessed them. How many 
touching scenes of this kind, among the young as 
•well as the aged, will the final day disclose ! Lit- 
tle ones going home with all the consolations of a 
good hope, to experience a fulfilment of what our 
Saviour has so beautifully spoken, " that in heaven 
their angels do always behold the face of our 
Father who is in heaven." 

June 22, 4 o'clock P. M. 
My beloved Husband : — 

I have just received your kind letter of 
the 21st inst. ; and as the captain may return to- 
day, I have put up a few clothes, &c, for you. I 
had not one letter from England by the last arrival. 
Chek Tau has already commenced printing the 
opium tract. The boys are very well, and all 
things go on as when you were at home, except 
that there is a vacuum in every thing, which noth- 
ing but your presence can supply. Do not indulge 



142 LIFE OF MFS. DEAN. 

anxiety about my health, as it is very good, and I 
feel happy in my employment. The longer you 
stay the better, I think, as the last few days here 
have been very hot ; and should you return too 
soon, it would not be an easy matter again to en- 
joy the advantages of sea air. 

Yesterday we all paid a visit to Achau's moth- 
er, which delighted her extremely. [This was a 
widow woman of the better class of society, whose 
son was one of Mrs. Dean's pupils.] I feel some 
anxiety respecting our teacher — ■ the circum- 
stances I will explain when you return. I gave 
him my views, and he admitted they were right, 
and seemed very thankful. 0, pray for him, my 
love, that he may not be led into temptation, nor 
fall from the right way. [This is the teacher who 
was baptized with Mrs. Dean, and is still employed 
in the mission.] 

This week I have been thinking much on the 
duty of engaging in prayer with these poor heathen, 
and twice had resolved to do so, when I was pre- 
vented. To-morrow, if the Lord favor, I hope to 
do so in our little prayer meeting. O, remember 
and pray for me. I will now only say, accept the 
unabated love of yours in the closest bonds. 

Theodosia. 

On the 24th of June, Mr. Dean thus writes : — 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 143 

I am becoming so well that I think much of 
returning to Bangkok. The chum chu (sea cap- 
tain) offers to give me a passage ; so also Mr. 
Wright offers the same ; but I am waiting for the 
return of Captain Williams, thinking he may bring 
me something from B., but hope to see you in 
a day or two. I long to get back again to my 
work and to my home. Sweet home ! there's no 
place like home. Captain Hughes brought us no 
letters, but says he saw an American vessel com- 
ing into Singapore as he left the Straits. 

The " Singapore Press " contains some accounts 
which indicate war between England and the 
United States, in relation to the boundary between 
Maine and New Brunswick ; but should our native 
lands quarrel about this mountainous tract, I trust 
it may not affect you and me ! We have here no 

special news Kind regard to the friends, 

after taking the greatest share to yourself. I think 
I shall go up on the " Friends," if an opportunity 
soon presents. 

Your truly attached husband, 

Wm. Dean, 



Bangkok, June. 
My dearest : — 

I suppose you know, long ere this, that the 
Davenports have arrived from Singapore ; and as 



144 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

the boat will be sent for them to-morrow, I hasten 
to write you a few lines. The new missionaries 
have, it appears, gone first to Maulmain ; and in 
their instructions it is stated, that Mr. Slafter is to 
come to Siam, while Mr. Goddard is to be devoted 
to the Chinese, and pay particular attention to 
translations. From this and other remarks, it ap- 
pears more than probable he will not come to 
Bangkok. 

The sad news of Mrs. Johnson's death, almost 
immediately after her arrival in America, has been 
communicated to the mission by Mr. Hill. The 
friends at Singapore had heard that her health was 
much improved. She arrived in December with 
Mr. Jones's children. Mr. Tracy has sent you 
some Chinese tracts, with the request that you 
will examine and report on them for the Tract 
Society. Mr. Dyer says he has sent you another 
box of Chinese type. He is at Singapore, on his 
way to England for the health of his wife. 

The friends came down to meeting at our 
house this evening, and we have had quite an in- 
teresting season. Dr. Bradley is much softened, 
having just heard of the death of his father ; and 
Mrs. B. has lost her married sister, and a nephew 
eleven months old. 

Mrs. B. says she saw at Singapore the cap- 
tain with whom Matilda went home, who told her 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 145 

that when M. arrived at New York, she said, if 
the captain would go with her she would go on 
shore, otherwise she dare not. 1 suppose, by this, 
she became somewhat attached to him. 

Just before meeting, I received your welcome 
letter, for which I thank you, though I regret to 
learn that you are again obliged to take medicine. 
My present wishes are, that you do as little as you 
can, and stay as long as you can, and go not too 
often to the medicine chest. It is late, and, as I 
have a headache, I cannot add more at this time. 
O, may the Lord bless and preserve you ; and, if 
again permitted to enjoy each other's society, may 
we live more in the fear of the Lord, and as in 
his sight. O, remember and pray for your 

Theodosia. 

Bangkok, June. 
My beloved Husband : — 

You asked me to write you every day ; but 
yesterday slipped away without one spare moment, 
and to-day has been just the same, while now I 
have many claims upon my time, but cannot for- 
bear writing you a few lines. Early yesterday 
morning, Achau's mother came and staid with me 
till near dinner time, to comfort me, as she said, 
and even offered to come and sleep with me. In 
the afternoon, the Davenports arrived, all in fine 
13 



146 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

health and spirits. They commence housekeeping 
to-morrow. They thought we could not have 
eaten all the biscuit sent before, and now have 
brought us none. Perhaps you had better send 
for some ! [The dependence of the missionaries 
at that station on a distant market for so ne- 
cessary an article as bread, shows the extent of 
self-denial, which they are forced, much of the 
time, to practise in reference to the most ordinary 
comforts of life. There is no bread of flour pro- 
curable at Bangkok ; and hence they have nothing 
of the kind but sea-biscuit and rusk, brought from 
Singapore, and, for want of opportunities to send, 
they are much of the time destitute even of them. 
These facts explain the allusions of Mrs. Dean's 
letter, while they rebuke the charge of living sump- 
tuously, so often brought against the missionaries.] 

Mr. D. has brought for you the blocks " Joseph " 
and the " opium tract," the former old, the latter 
new. I understand that you did not wish the 
former. Would you now like to have it printed ? 
The hymns are printed, and if Chek Tau has 
nothing to do, would you like him to print tbe 
opium tract ? A Chiu's father has come back from 
Singapore, and his junk has gone up stream. It 
is said the Adelaid and Fanny are soon coming, 
both loaded with opium. 

Mr. Orr is suffering severely from rheum a- 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 147 

tism, so that he is obliged to walk with the aid of 
both crutch and staff, and Mrs. Orr is far from 
well . 

June 15. — All well this morning. The prince 
has been breakfasting with us. This is A.'s feast- 
day, and the Commodore stutters out, " I wish to 
go h-h-h-ome." A Ki's father came for him, but 1 
could not let him go. Achau is here, and has 
brought me a number of cakes, to celebrate the 
day. 

O, think of me, my dearest, to-morrow, and 
pray for the blessing of the Lord to rest upon us 
and our little company. So, farewell. I hope 
soon to hear how you are ; in the mean time, ac- 
cept the fervent love and prayers of your 

Theodosia. 

Monday morning. — I hasten to write you a few 
lines, though I cannot say much. We are all 
well this morning- I enjoyed yesterday exceed- 
ingly, and the services were attended about as 
usual. Mr. Jones has done you up the papers, and 
I will send you the fruit. 

>Iy dearest ; — 

I have just risen from dinner, with Dr. Tracy 
and Mr. Jones, and now take much pleasure in 
answering your kind note. The prince called on 



148 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

me this morning, and, after shaking hands with 
Dr. T., said, " Doctor, why, thought it was Mr. 
Dean." Last night, I slept comfortably with the old 
Ayah in the room, and A Ki and the Commodore 
in the school-room. A Ki went home this morning, 
while I stopped with the Chum-Chunie, (wife of a 
sea captain,) who insisted upon it that I should 
come and live with her. I afterwards stopped 
with the teacher a short time ; but the room struck 
me as so damp and cold, that I soon left, trembling 
at the idea of your again inhabiting it. [This was 
the bazaar from which Mr. Dean distributed books 
and addresses to the people.] 

This morning, my purse was stolen, containing 
four or five ticals. A Yang has just broken our 
water- goblet ; and, in addition to those misfortunes, 
the cat ate up our breakfast fowl ! At this rate, 
what shall I have left when you come home ? 

This morning, I sent an invitation to Mrs. Rob- 
bins and family to come and stay with me, which, 
she says, she will accept in a few days ; so you 
must not return too soon, or I shall have no room 
for you. The boys have behaved very well to- 
day ; but the Commodore thought, in the morning, 
he could not read, as his foot was a little sore. 
However, I told him I could not let him sung, pla}*, 

and he has done very well To-day, I 

had an interesting conversation with the teacher 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 149 

about the fulfilment of prophecy, and read to him 
the account of the seven churches, while he read 
the predictions concerning them in the Sabbath- 
school. 

I have given Chek Tau the hymns, but even 
these cannot be printed till Sam-Ko cuts some 
new characters. [She here alludes to a collection 
of hymns in Chinese, prepared by her husband 
and the native brethren, printed by means of 
Dyer's metallic types, which required now and 
then a character to be cut on a block of metal to 
supply the necessary variety.] Chok-Po is fetch- 
ing water, but he says it is u Kan-ko chai ! Ka tia 
kwan bue kia ! n (It is very difficult, as my foot is 
so lame, I can scarcely walk !) " Chok ka u lat, Chek 
ka bo. (One leg has strength, the other has not.") 
It is cmite dark. I must leave off. 

Addioy carissimo mio. 
13* 



150 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 



CHAPTER XIII. 

TEMPTATIONS AND SUPPORTS OF A MISSION- 
ARY.— FURTHER EXTRACTS FROM HER JOUR- 
NAL.— LETTER FROM ENGLAND. — BECOMES A 
MOTHER. 

Mrs. Dean's experience had by this time given 
her some idea of the peculiar trials of a mission- 
ary life. And such was the constitution of her 
mind, and her habits of self-inspection, as not to 
admit of her remaining indifferent to the cause 
and remedy of these evils. She could not see 
herself drifting before a current of influences with- 
out analyzing their nature, inquiring into their 
source, anticipating their ultimate tendencies, and 
applying her mind to the means of counteracting 
them, so far as she found them to be evil and 
dangerous. She had too strong a tincture of phi- 
losophy in her habits of thought, originally, and, 
as a Christian, had been too much habituated to a 
careful self-inspection to allow the dangers of her 
new mode of life to remain unnoticed or unre- 
corded. How true is it that " a prudent man 
foreseeth the evil, and hideth himself; but the 
simple pass on, and are punished " ! 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 151 

The result of her inquiries was the drawing up 
the following paper, which she entitles, " The 
peculiar temptations to which the missionary is 
exposed, and the best means of resisting them." 
Under the first division of the subject, she enumer- 
ates the following : — 

" 1. Declension in personal piety, arising, first, 
from abridged time for private devotion, under the 
specious pretence of devoting it to the work of the 
Lord and the good of souls ; second, want of the 
public ordinances and religious privileges ; third, 
the deadening influence of society around us, com- 
posed for the most part of worldly Christians, 
heathen idolaters, and the followers of false re- 
ligion. 

" 2. Conformity to the spirit of the world, mixing 
too much in society, and excluding Christ and his 
salvation from our conversation. This is done 
avowedly from the fear of disgusting those around 
with the religion of Jesus, and a desire of copying 
St. Paul, in becoming all things to all men, for- 
getting that it requires a special supply of grace 
to do so without hindering our growth in holiness ; 
but secretly from a dislike of the daily cross, and 
a wish to escape the persecution of the world. 

" 3. The indulgence of spiritual pride, and an 
over- valuing of self, as manifested in withdrawing 
ourselves wholly from society, in condemning the 



152 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

practices of others, whether of greater or less im- 
portance, and in dwelling upon religious subjects 
in such a manner as to bring the gospel into dis- 
credit, and excite the enmhy and ridicule of its 
enemies, whether open or secret. 

" 4. We may gradually lose the spirit of love 
and zeal for the Lord's cause, with which we 
first set out, from the apathy of the heathen, or 
perhaps from the low standard of piety among 
professing Christians. 

" 5. The neglect of diligent and rigid self- 
examination, forgetting that, whilst engaged in the 
work of the Lord, our own hearts retain their 
natural sinfulness and deceitfulness, and Satan is 
now more than ever desirous to insnare us, and 
cause us to fall, that thus we may prdve a stum- 
bling-block to many, and bring disgrace upon our 
profession. 

" 6. To perform our daily duties in a worldly 
spirit, as servants, and not as children, heirs of sal- 
vation, and joint-heirs with Jesus Christ, is another 
of our temptations. 

" 7. Despondency at seeing no visible fruits of 
our labors, doubting whether God has heard our 
prayers, and, if so, why he does not answer them ; 
accusing him of unfaithfulness, instead of looking 
to see whether we are not ourselves hindering the 
work by some allowed unfaithfulness or incon- 
sistency. 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 153 

" 8. To conclude hastily that the work of con- 
version is completed, and thus to hinder its advance, 
and raise unduly the expectations of others. 

" 9. To care unduly about our reputation, and 
the feelings of friends at home, and, in order to 
save the former and excite an increased interest in 
the latter, to give glowing descriptions of the 
heathen, the schools, and the missions. [Mrs. 
Dean is said to have been extremely scrupulous 
on this point, and her descriptions never exceeded 
the sober facts in the case, and generally left the 
impression a little below what the facts would war- 
rant, from fear of going above.] 

" 10. When we are blessed by seeing the genu- 
ine conversion of one soul, we are in danger of in- 
dulging spiritual pride, and forgetting to give thanks 
and praise to Him by whose Spirit alone the work 
has been effected. 

" 11. By neglecting the cultivation of our minds, 
(sinking to the level of those around us,) the en- 
largement of our hearts, and the indulgence of 
Christian sympathy in the welfare and happiness 
of the heathen, our friends, and our country. 

" 12. By giving way to impatience, yielding to 
the trials of temper, perhaps occasioned by the 
stupidity, knavery, or dissoluteness of servants, and 
sent upon us purposely to exercise our patience, 
and promote our sanctification. 



154 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

" 13. A want of forbearance and Christian union 
with other missionaries at the same station, arising 
from a dissimilarity of tastes, peculiarity of tem- 
perament, and, perhaps, difference of opinion. 

" 14. Undue anxiety about temporal provision." 

Among the means of overcoming these tempta- 
tions, she notices the following, which she applies 
directly to herself : — 

" Let nothing draw me from my closet, during 
the stated periods of private devotion, except it be 
something of a nature to admit of my pleading it 
with God, in prayer, as a reason for leaving, and 
asking his blessing upon it, with the assurance 
that it will be granted, and the reason accepted by 
him." Under this head, she records a variety of 
texts, occupying too large a space to admit of in- 
sertion. And, indeed, the other points having failed 
to reach the editor, he has contented himself with 
inserting so much of this document as evidence of 
her accurate and careful discrimination into all the 
windings and perversities of the human heart. It 
is certainly remarkable that one so young should 
have taken such a practical and common-sense 
view of the peculiar forms of sin to which a mis- 
sionary life is exposed. It is another evidence 
of the clearness of her moral discrimination. It 
is only to be regretted that, while her estimates of 
danger were just, her sense of security in Christ 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 155 

should have been sometimes defective. This ac- 
counts for the desponding tone of her private jour- 
nal. Indeed, it may be questioned whether Chris- 
tians in this world can always maintain their supe- 
riority over these internal conflicts. Still, may 
they not as a general thing ? Paul could say, 
" Now thanks be unto God, which always cause th- 
us to triumph through Christ, and maketh manifest 
the savor of his knowledge by us in every place." 
If the apostles could always triumph, may not we, 
as a general thing ? Is there not an antidote for 
all our wounds, an equivalent in Christ to cancel 
all our guilt, a covert for every storm, and a hiding- 
place from every tempest, to which we may flee 
and be safe ? 

We add here further extracts from her journal, 
showing the general state of her mind from No- 
vember, 1838, till about the 1st of April, 1840. 
On one occasion, we find her saying, " I do feel 
some little sorrow for the sins of the past week. 
Have too often indulged a temper of mind which 
thou, Lord, canst not approve. O, forgive me, and 
help me to fulfil all my duties. . . . Just returned 
from meeting, in which the words, i they are with- 
out excuse,' were discussed ; and a profitable sub- 
ject of meditation did they prove. O my soul, art 
not thou without excuse ? .... This afternoon 
went out with my husband to distribute tracts, 



156 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

which, though defective in style, may the Lord 
bless." Here is a hint at the difficulty of making 
tracts adapted to the peculiar idiosyncracies of the 
heathen mind, arising, no doubt, from the slow pro- 
cess of mastering their idiomatic modes of express- 
ing thought in language. What a barrier to the 
spread of the gospel did the confusion of Babel 
impose ! 

"Nov. 18. — Heard a discourse to-day from 
on the sufferings of our Saviour. How 



cold was my heart to the agonies, bodily and men- 
tal, which my Lord endured ! And yet, were they 
not for me ? 

u Nov. 25. — Had Chinese worship to-day, for the 
first time, in the bazaar at our teacher's house. An 
interesting service ! The attention or many was 
attracted ; some tracts were distributed, and may a 
blessing attend them.'" Then, again, the same 
complaints of internal coldness follow : u To-day 
I tried to pray, but my heart wa$ so cold that I 
could not utter a word. I feel the duty, yea, the 
necessity of prayer; but I cannot pray. Lord, 
help me. O, cast me not off forever. Take not 
thy Holy Spirit from me. 

" Dec. 2. — Our services with the Chinese have 
been of an interesting character, particularly the 
one in the afternoon. I likewise felt much pleasure 
in endeavoring to instruct the children, though 



LIFE OF MRS. BEAN. 157 

checked at every turn from want of language to 
express myself. O Lord, wilt thou assist my stam- 
mering tongue with wisdom from on high, and with 
the gift of thy Spirit aid in acquiring the language 
of this people ? Felt throughout the day an over- 
whelming sense of distance from God. O Lord, 
must it be so. Wilt thou not draw near unto me, 
sinful and backsliding as I am, and help me to draw 
near unto thee ? 

"January 1 , 1839. — A new year has again opened 
upon me. I find myself in a more important sit- 
uation than ever before, and I feel my own sinful- 
ness the more, it seems to me, as duties and bless- 
ings increase. I live further from God than at any 
former period. O Lord, how often have I grieved 
thy Spirit, broken my vows, and sunk into sin and 
sorrow ! . . . . This afternoon has led to much 
serious reflection on the part of my husband and 
myself, and my heart is melted within me at the 
thought that I am not only sinning myself, but 
leading my husband astray from God by worldly 
conversation. Thanks for the mercy that still 
spares me, and allows me space for repentance. 
O Lord, help me, forgive my sins for my Saviour's 
sake, and give me grace to live unto thee, that I 
may find in life usefulness, in death comfort, and 
beyond the grave life everlasting. 

" Jan. 6. — The first Sabbath of the year ; the 
14 



158 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

Lord's supper ; prayer with my dear husband 
previous to the service. Another child is this day 
come to live in the house to receive instruction 
from me. Teach me, O Lord, that I may teach 
him, and may be the humble instrument of leading 
him to serve thee. 

" Jan. 13. *— Little delight in the services of the 
morning ; but, afterwards, much interested in lead- 
ing the school children to some knowledge of the 
Saviour. Felt a strong desire to be able to pray 
with them. O Lord, help ,me so to do, and espe- 
cially to pray for them. Bless each one of them. 
May I not by my sins lead them astray, or hinder 
their salvation. 

" February 3. — Most of the children, and some 
of the servants, absent, from the circumstance of 
the Chinese New Year being just at hand. Felt 
much anxiety on account of the absent ones, and 
felt that, should they not return, I must accuse 
myself of neglecting to communicate to them as 
much knowledge of the truth as I might. O my 
Father, help me to pray earnestly for them, and to 
be faithful in the discharge of my duties to those 
who still claim my care." Thus was she con- 
stantly chiding herself for real or suspected omis- 
sions of duty to those for whom she had so much 
anxiety. These records of condemnation upon 
herself were probably the fruit of her strong 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 159 

sense of what a missionary ought to be, rather 
than of any real derelictions of duty. Who that 
looks upon his own character from such a point of 
observation, does not find occasion to write words 
of self-condemnation ? 

u March 29. — On the 27th was the first anni- 
versary of our wedding-day, and this is the twen- 
tieth anniversary of my birth. I feel humbled 
and disheartened when I reflect upon the repeated 
resolutions of amendment which I have made upon 
this day ; and to-day, I feel as though I could not 
again resolve. O my Father, help me to bind my- 
self more closely to thee. I pray thee to have 
mercy upon me. O, take not thy Spirit from me. 
Let me not deceive myself, but help me to love 
thee with my whole heart. Have lately experi- 
enced much dread of death ; and, during the late 
shock of an earthquake, my prayer was, O my 
Father, help me to repent and turn unto thee." 

" June 4, Sabbath afternoon. — My dear hus- 
band has just inquired if I had lately written in 
my journal ; and, upon my replying in the nega- 
tive, he remarked that he thought it highly desira- 
ble for me not to neglect doing so. I accord 
to this, and know not to what cause to ascribe the 
omission, but to a declension in vital piety, and 
distance from God. O my Father, quicken me 
by thy Spirit, and enable me to employ, without 



160 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

ceasing, all the means which thou wilt bless to 
the promotion of my growth in grace. My mind 
has lately been much solemnized in view of eter- 
nity ; and I frequently feel as if we should not be 
permitted long to labor together, but that one of us 
may be soon removed. Gracious Father, pardon 
what is sinful in this thought, and give me more 
confidence in thee in reference to the future. Help 
me so to live as to rejoice in the prospect of death. 

" June 6. — Many weeks have passed since I 
wrote in my journal, [the foregoing being written 
on a scattering sheet in her absence from home.] 
How swift time passes ! Soon will come the 
night of death. My heavenly Father, how can I 
approach thee, with a heart so little prepared to 
meet thee ? I feel as if I were continually in- 
dulging in sin — in open sin. What but thy special 
grace can save me ? This afternoon, wept at the 
thought of my distance from God ; but, again, 
how cold are my affections ! My beloved husband 
has been ill some days, and is still confined to his 
couch. O, help me to fulfil my duties to him in thy 
fear, and give me a spirit of prayer. 

" June 15. — My beloved husband has been 
away five days, and, during that time, I have been 
in perpetual excitement, owing to the departure 
and arrival of friends ; so that I seem to have had 
little leisure for pra)^er or meditation, though I fear 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 161 

I have had still less inclination. O Lord, forgive 
me, I pray, and give me a contrite heart. 

" June 21. — This is the thirty-first anniversary 
of my beloved husband's birthday, and the first day 
of my second year in Bangkok. O my heavenly 
Father, grant that both of us, if permitted to close 
another year in Bangkok, may live more to thine 
honor and glory, and strive, by our joint influence, 
to promote thy cause. May thy work of grace be 
going on in both our hearts. Lord, continue to us 
thy Spirit, and grant that, if again permitted to 
enjoy each other's society, we may dwell together 
in love, and may strive together only in thy Spirit." 
This entrance in her journal was made on the 
same day with her letter in the former chapter, 
page 139. 

" July 15. — This is the anniversary of the day 
on which I joined the Bangkok church, and was 
baptized by my dear husband. But how differ- 
ently has this day been spent ! Yesterday, enjoyed 
another communion season. Felt dead and cold 
before the service, but during the exercises en- 
joyed a little warmth of feeling. A few weeks 
ago, I thought I would endeavor to spend this day 
in fasting and prayer, but my prayers have been 
hindered. Hindered by what ? By the indulgence 
of sin and unhallowed feelings. O Lord, canst 
thou forgive me, vile and sinful as I am, and ena- 
14* 



162 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

ble me once more to renew my vows unto thee ? 
I fear I have no heart to do so, having so fre- 
quently broken former vows ; but, O Lord, forgive 
me, and give me longing desires after thee. 

"July 31. — Last night, spoke to my dear hus- 
band seriously on the subject of having more in- 
tercourse with each other on religious subjects. 
We both felt our deficiency in this, and trust the 
Lord will enable us to correct the evil. We also 
resolved to pray together every morning before 
breakfast, and to substitute Chinese for English in 
our evening devotions. Since reading the life of 
J. B. T., I feel still more my own coldness and 
deadness of heart. Quicken me, O Lord, with 
thy Spirit. 

" August 3. — This evening my dear husband 
prayed with me in Chinese alone, for the first 
time. O Lord, sanctify this measure to us, and 
grant that we may be profited by it." To those 
who have no experience of what it is to offer their 
supplications to God in a foreign language, this 
may seem to be a fact of little importance. But 
those who have made the trial, will view it in a 
very different light ; for even after becoming so 
familiar with a language as to use it with facility 
in the daily intercourse of life, they find it next to 
impossible to use it in prayer. The words and 
sounds to which we have become accustomed in 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 163 

our devotions acquire such a sacredness to our 
feelings, and become so identified with the spirit 
of devotion, as to make any other seem irreverent 
and out of place. It is an abomination standing in 
the holy place. Besides, it requires so much effort 
to think and feel through a new class of words and 
sounds, as to repress the devotional sentiments 
when we resort to them. Hence, that the use of 
Chinese in prayer, for the first time, should be 
made a matter of record by Mrs. Dean, is by no 
means surprising. It was to her and her husband 
a notable event. 

" Jan. 5. — Many months have elapsed since I 
last wrote in my journal, and many events have 
taken place since that time. I have become the 
guardian and guide of another child, who is en- 
tirely dependent on me for instruction, and have 
been called to serious reflection by the death of 
my beloved father. O Lord, sanctify, I pray thee, 
these events unto me, and make me more watchful, 
more prayerful, more humble. This morning, felt 
some enlargement of soul in prayer, and some con- 
trition for sin, but nothing to what I ought to feel. 
Lord, soften my heart, and give me a more fer- 
vent spirit of prayer in behalf of those precious 
souls intrusted to my care. Partook once more 
of the Lord's supper. The Lord alone knows 
whether I shall be permitted to partake of another. 



164 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

O, may I be prepared for life or death, as the Lord 
may please. 

" Feb. 2. — Chinese New Year. All the chil- 
dren absent, and I, released from my usual engage- 
ments, seem to have little desire to employ the 
time in the service of the Lord. O my Father, 
give me a heart to delight in thy service. 

"March 29. — I this day have entered on my 
twenty-first year, and have recently closed the 
second of my married life. O Lord, thou hast 
blessed and kept me another year, and brought me 
to this period of my existence, when, in the eye of 
the law, I pass into womanhood, and become re- 
sponsible for my own actions. And are not my 
responsibilities merged in thee, O Lord ? I pray 
thee, enable me to feel that they are. Deepen my 
convictions of sin. May I see more and more of 
my own vileness, and, while humbled in view of 
my sins, may I see more and more of the beauty 
and completeness of the work of redemption, 
through Christ Jesus. I know not how soon I may 
be called to leave this world. O my Father, pre- 
pare me for life or death, to do or suffer all thy 
will. Bless my beloved husband, and may we be 
permitted to live together another year, live more 
unto thee, and for the promotion of each other's 
best interests." 

The death of her father produced in Mrs. Dean 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 165 

not only bitter mourning, but deep anxiety in ref- 
erence to his future state. The latter feeling 
seems to us ill advised, because it arises from a 
bare conjecture, and seems to lose sight of the 
fact, that whatever be the condition of our depart- 
ed friends, we shall see cause in eternity for cor- 
dially acquiescing in it, and saying in reference 
even to the divine judgments, " Alleluia ; for the 
Lord God omnipotent reigneth." If we have 
neglected our duty to them, over that we ought to 
lament with a bitter lamentation, and turn it to the 
advantage of being more faithful to them that sur- 
vive. But, beyond this, whether we could be jus- 
tified in making ourselves anxious on the subject, 
is doubtful. The following is an extract of a let- 
ter which she received from one of the Henry 
Kirke White family, about this time, dated Bethel 
Street, St. Giles, Norwich, May, 1840 : — 

" My ever-dear and true friend : You can im- 
agine, far better than I can express, with what feel- 
ings I perused your last painfully-affecting letter. 
.... The very depth of your affection for your 
beloved father would, I know, add proportionate 
poignancy to your grief for his death ; but I little 
thought that such bitter doubts and fears respecting 
his future state were forming so large an ingredi- 
ent in your cup of sorrow. O my beloved Theo- 
dosia, it is not for us to lift the veil that shuts the 



166 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

soul of the departed from our mortal sense. Let 
us not attempt to decide upon the final state of any 
soul, but rather dwell upon the unbounded love of 
that Redeemer who is ever able to save to the ut- 
termost. We are not sufficiently acquainted with 
the nature of our own minds to know through what 
processes it is accessible by the Infinite Mind ; but 
we do know that trial is one of the divinely ap- 
pointed means of bringing us to a knowledge of 
ourselves, and of drawing us near to God. And 
were not trials and sorrows, my friend, alike familiar 
to your revered father, during the latter part of his 
earthly pilgrimage ? . . . . My dear Theodosia, I 
do not see that you have any solid foundation for 
your bitter doubts and fears. Look with an eye 
of faith to Him who assures us that ' the effectual 
fervent prayer of the righteous man availeth 
much.' Do you think that He who loves to an- 
swer prayer has turned a deaf ear to the fervent 
supplication of a child for the eternal welfare of a 
father ? O, no ; the sweet assurance that they have 
been heard ought to banish your fears ; and most 
fervently do I hope, that long ere this letter reaches 
you, the bitterness of your grief may have been 
changed for that sweet peace which results from a 
firm reliance upon God. 

w I do, indeed, remember your beloved father, 
and love to look back to the time which I passed 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 167 

so happily beneath his hospitable roof, and which 
first gave me an opportunity of becoming acquaint- 
ed with so many rare and estimable qualities of 
his mind and heart. I did see the paragraph in the 
papers, and have never ceased to regret that I did 
not transcribe it, that I might now be able to send 
it to you. It was not long, but never was public 
notice of departed worth more eloquently ex- 
pressed, or more justly due Long ere this 

reaches you, you will have received tidings of 
dear Fanny's marriage, [the only sister of Mrs. 
Dean.] She passed ten days with us in July 
last, previous to this important event. It was de- 
lightful to be in the society of one so very happy. 
All I know of the Rev. Frederic Sims is from 
Fanny's lips ; but that leads me to believe that she 
will find in him, not only an affectionate partner, 
but a guide and a friend. Dear girl ! if any one 

deserves a good husband, she does Perhaps, 

by this time, dear Theodosia has added the en- 
dearing title of mother to that of wife. Fanny 
informed us that they had received tidings of this 
nature at Thetford, some months back. Need I 
assure you, my dear friend, that my prayers on 
this occasion, poor and feeble as they are, have 
not failed to go up in your behalf. When your 
last letter was put into my hands, I searched in 
vain for this important piece of intelligence, and I 



168 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

must therefore trust in the goodness of God that 
all is well." 

The event here anticipated occurred in the 
spring of 1840, probably a month or two after the 
last record in her journal, when she gave birth to 
a little son, named Edmund, whose brief period of 
existence on earth was attended by much suffering 
to himself, and much solicitude to his parents. 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 169 



CHAPTER XIV. 

MATERNAL CARES. — CORRESPONDENCE. — SICK- 
NESS AND DEATH OF HER CHILD. 

Mrs. Dean was occupied the most of 1840 with 
her duties as a mother. Her infant began life 
with much promise ; but owing to the pernicious 
influence of the climate, or other causes, it went 
into a decline, and expired, in its mother's arms, 
on the 13th of May, 1841. Its short visit on earth, 
however, was not without its advantages, in disci- 
plining the feelings of its parents, as may be seen 
by the correspondence which passed between 
them at the time, owing to his absence at Singa- 
pore for the restoration of his health. 

Bangkok, Jan. 31, 1841. 
My dearest and best Husband : — 

As Edmund is asleep, I sit down to write a 
few lines to you between the services [of Sun- 
day.] I am quite well. After a good night, 
arose at six, and rang the bell for family worship. 
Only four men present, besides Kajin and Apu. 
Towards the close, our teacher and Chek Lim 
came in, and said they did not hear the bell. We 
had rather a late breakfast, cooked quite decently ; 
15 



170 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

after which Edmund crawled into your study, and 
amused himself, for half an hour. When the bell 
rang, I left him with Rosemena, and went to the 
chapel for worship, where the teacher explained 
Heb. x. 19-35. 

Poor little Edmund has appeared sad to-day. 
When Mr. Goddard went to the bazaar, followed by 
the Chinese, he looked at them most earnestly, to 
see if papa was there. When the friends came 
down this afternoon, his countenance brightened 
up, as he looked at one and another coming in ; 
but he was sad in the extreme when he saw you 
were not there. I wish you could have seen him 
this evening, as Dr. Bradley walked up with me 
from the steps. He looked at him as if he would 
stare his eyes out, to see if it were not papa. I 
thought he would feel your loss very much, but 
had not the slightest idea that he would feel it as 
he does. 

The Chinese monthly concert was held to- 
day. Mr. G. made some interesting remarks, and 
was followed by our teacher. Many have been 
the prayers, to-day, from the missionaries and the 
Chinese for my dearest, and may they all be heard, 
and be abundantly blest. 

Mrs. Slafter says that Mr. S. is a little better 
this evening, though he has not been out of his 
room, or seen any one to-day but the doctor. 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN 171 

And now, having told you all these particulars, 
what else shall I say ? This is just the time (eight 
o'clock) that 1 told you I should feel lonely, and I 
do so truly. Mr. Davenport's house is shut up, 
while the silence of death, almost, is reigning in 
Mr. Slafter's, which makes one feel that this world 
is a changing scene, and preparing us for a better. 
My mind has felt much solemnized during the 
whole day, and I would earnestly pray, that this 
separation may be sanctified to us both, and draw 
us nearer, much nearer, to our dear Saviour. 

Mr. H.'s man has just arrived with your note. 
I thank you much for it, and rejoice to learn that 
you are all so comfortable ; but you seem to be 
going very " slow and easy," and I entertain some 
fears lest you should not be able to join the ship in 
time. 

Edmund has allowed me to attend all our 
meetings to-day undisturbed, with the exception of 
our evening worship. And now, my dearest, I 
must close. May the Lord be with you, and bless 
you, and in due time restore you to the bosom of 
your family and the seat of your labors. This is 
the prayer of your fond wife, 

Theodosia. 

Feb. 2. — Early this morning, I was cheered 
with Mr. Davenport's voice, and received your 



172 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

kind notes. I saw the captain, who was very kind, 
and pressed me to go back with him to the ship 
and see you. Chek Che arrived soon after with 
your note. I paid him his wages, and another 
tical for extra services, and dismissed him till you 
return. He seemed satisfied with the new ar- 
rangements. And now, my dearest, I must thank 
you for your dear notes, but at the same time 
express a fear lest you are writing too much for 
your health. Remember, a few lines will satisfy 
your Theodosia. Edmund is well, and much 
pleased with the return of ilfa, [his nurse.] 

We are all very anxious about Mr. Slafter 
this morning, and even the doctor appears some- 
what concerned. He is of opinion that ulcers are 
formed. O my dear husband, let us pray much for 
him and for his dear wife, who is now so closely 
confined to his sick room. I know not what to think 
of him, but I feel very sad. I did not see him yester- 
day. Mrs. S. appears, as ever, meek and happy, 
while she never leaves his room, scarcely to eat. 
I am very well, and have much cause of gratitude 
to God for his abounding mercies to one so 
unworthy. 

3 o'clock. — We are all much alarmed about 
Mr. Slafter. I have just been in to see him. He 
was much affected, and said there were as many 
chances of his dying as of his living. He said 



LIFE OF MES. DEAN. 173 

he would not give up the hope that he should re- 
cover, and he much desired to do so. 

9 o'clock. — O my dear husband, I wish you 
were now here. Our dear brother S. is no better ; 
for the last hour he has been groaning from pain. 
The doctor intends staying with him during the 
night. Mrs. S. has been dissolved in tears all day. 
She said, last night, Mr. S. was unable to sleep, 
and was telling her of some new plans he had 
formed for imparting instruction to the Siamese. 
His whole mind seemed engrossed with the sub- 
ject. She was not then apprehensive of his danger, 
nor was he till this morning. Mr. Hunter said, if 
it were possible, he would have gone and brought 
you, but thought you would not have time to rejoin 
the ship. Once more, farewell. 

Bangkok, Feb. 5, 1841. 
My dearest and best beloved : — 

The captain called upon us last evening, and 
took our letters, and had a fine play with Edmund. I 
have just written to Brother Henry and Mr. Coman, 
and send the letters to you to direct. Perhaps 
you will add a postscript. I also send you one I 
have just written to Matilda, leaving a blank for 
papa to fill. Edmund has not appeared so much 
like himself since you left, and is not yet 
(9 o'clock) asleep, but working at my elbow while 
I am writing. 

15* 



174 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

Brother S. is to-day no better. He has been ex- 
ceedingly languid all day, and the doctor fears he 
will not be able to effect his restoration. We are all 
anxious about the result. Mr. Buell watched with 
him last night, and Mr. Caswell will do so to-night. 
This was the day for the mother's meeting, but I 
could not attend. Edmund is fast asleep. Since 
you left, he has quite a new mode of crying, sob- 
bing bitterly without any apparent cause. I know 
not what to ascribe it to. O, pray for me, my 
dearest husband, that I may have grace and wis- 
dom rightly to bring up this darling child. I am 
just going to indulge myself with reading some of 
your letters to me while at Macao ; so good night. 
Brother S. is no better, and poor sister S. almost 
worn out. To see her countenance is enough to 
make one weep. Sister Goddard is not so well ; 
and if it were not for Brother G., we should all sink 
down in despondency. I could not leave home 
to attend the meeting, but spent the evening in 
reading some of dear Mrs. Reed's sweet letters of 
counsel and advice, and they have brought with 
them a train of mingled reflections. I have been 
thinking, too, of my own once happy family. My 
father no more, my mother alone, my sister from 

home, and myself O for a brighter view 

of the world above ! 

I am afraid you fatigued yourself in writing 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 175 

that long Chinese letter to the church ; but they 
are much gratified with it. Last night, I read all 
the letters you sent me from the Gulnare, in one of 
which you speak of much enjoyment in reading 
the sixty-second Psalm, which you recently mention 
as having read on board the Friends, on your way 
down. I shall therefore mark this as one of your 
favorite Psalms. I am now reading Joshua in 
the morning, with Rosemena. Good night, my 
beloved. I feel happier, since I began to write to 
you. 

Feb. 10. — This morning being cool, Mrs. H. 
and myself went out for a ride in the boat, with 
Apu to steer, and Aput and Rosemena for boat- 
men. The teacher has just been in, and desires 
you to bring with you from Singapore some 
printing blocks. Now, my dearest, this is, 1 sup- 
pose, the last letter you will receive from me be- 
fore you return, but I will continue to write daily. 
May the blessing of the Lord ever attend you, 
and may you soon return in health. So prays your 
affectionate wife, 

Theodosia A. Dean. 

All desire their kindest love. We are all 
well, and if I could learn the same of my dearest, 
I should be quite happy ; but I know in whose 
hands you are, and I am sure you will be pre- 



176 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

served. Farewell, then, till we meet, my ever 
dearest husband. 



Bangkok, Feb 14, 1841. 
My dear Husband : — 

This is Saturday evening ; we have no meet- 
ing, and I miss my dearest husband. I am sure he 
will think of and pray for his family to-night, and, 
in this sweet consciousness I say, good night. — 
Sabbath morning. All well. Brother Slafter con- 
tinues to improve. I had this morning occasion to 
discipline our Edmund rather more than I have 
done before ; but I hope he was quite subdued. 
Ever since, he has been very happy, and so fond 
of mamma, that he must come to her and kiss her 
several times. I have just returned from China 
worship. There were but few present ; Chek- 
kok and Heng absent 

Feb. 15. — I am now writing in my old place 
in the school-house, having this morning com- 
menced school, after our vacation, with six boys 
and two girls. Mrs. Hemmenway returned this 
morning quite early, and I feel the loss of her 
agreeable society in no small degree. Brother S. 
continues better ; and Mr. G. and family are this 
morning gone to see the junks. Yesterday I was 
quite disappointed to discover that Saturday was 
our dear Matilda's birthday. I suppose my dearest 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 177 

remembered it, and prayed for his darling child. 
Yesterday, in the prayer meeting, your letter to 
the church was read by the teacher. I was much 
interested with Chek-Po's prayer for us, that we 
might ; ' tit to ti e buan buan ni ka nang, man man 
seng teen tung," (remain on earth very many years 
to teach men, and then ascend to heaven.) I do 
feel rejoiced again to be engaged in the school, 
and would most earnestly pray the Lord to bless 
us, and make this year a profitable time to these 
poor children. And O, my love, let us unite our 
prayers that Rosemena, and Apu, and many others, 
may this year be converted and taught in the school 
of Christ. 

Feb. 16. — Mr. Caswell was down yesterday 
with his teacher, to speak with Samko about cut- 
ting blocks for printing maps in Siamese. Samko 
gave the teacher the implements Aki used, for him 
to employ in printing, and was very kind in trying 
to explain to him how to set the work ; but he, of 
course, shook his head, and thought he could not 
succeed. [This passage alludes to the printing of 
maps. Mr. Caswell did much to give the Siamese, 
in their own language, some knowledge of sacred 
geography ; and, to aid in this work, he prepared 
several maps — of Palestine, Asia Minor, Greece, 
and other countries — which were printed on wood 
blocks, in the Chinese style, being lettered in the 



178 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

Siamese character. The same gentleman, aided 
by his associates, has prepared several elementary 
books in Siamese, and taken a lively interest in the 
instruction of Siamese youth. The use of correct 
maps of the world, both ancient and modern, has 
done much, in China, Siam, and other nations in 
the East, to explode their false ideas of geography, 
and unsettle the corrupt theology with which they 
are more or less identified. Recently, a work on 
geography, including sketches of European and 
American history, has been published in China, 
written by an officer of the government, which 
promises to be of great service among that numer- 
ous and partially civilized nation. These are 
omens of great good to the benighted and idola- 
trous Asiatics. Who can tell whether a true sci- 
ence may not prove the harbinger of a purer 
theology ?] 

Chek Heng [Mrs. Dean further writes] has just 
been in with a letter from his mother, which states 
that his father died on the 15th of the eleventh 
month. He seemed very much affected, said he 
received the letter on Sunday, but felt as if he 
could not come till to-day. [Heng was a member 
of the Bangkok church, and his father was the first 
Chinese baptized by Mr. Dean. The old man, by 
his cheerful temper, and his consistent Christian 
character, did much to aid the infant cause in 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 179 

Siam ; and, after returning to his family in China, 
he introduced among his friends the worship of the 
Christian's God, and then laid down his bones to 
rest upon his native hills, to await the resurrection 
of the just.] 

Feb. 17. — Our teacher told me he heard that 
our Hokkeen friend, who went to China last year, 
was lost with his junk near Teen Chin ; also, our 
school teacher has this afternoon received a letter, 
informing him of the death of his father and 
younger brother. Mr. Hunter says, two or three 
junks are about to leave for Singapore, and, if pos- 
sible, he will send this in one of them. I have 
just received a letter from Chek Gui Seng, who 
says that he still worships God, and cannot forget 
you. 

This morning, little Edmund thought he would 
like to see if the white ants had got into your 
books ; and so he commenced pulling down your 
Chinese decorations, after which he went to your 
box, and took out a package of nails. I assure 
you, he is an active little fellow, and keeps his 
mother in good exercise. All the school boys have 
come back, and the teacher has commenced ex- 
plaining to them Sam kok in the afternoon. 

I send this by a junk, which may not reach 
Singapore in a month : perhaps you may then be 
in the midst of your family. Until that happy 



180 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

time, may the blessing of God be with you, and 
may you be preserved from sickness and every 
danger. So prays your ever-affectionate wife, 

Theodosia A. Dean. 

The individual alluded to above, as still wor- 
shipping God, addressed the following letter to 
Mr. Dean, in 1844, written in the Chinese lan- 
guage : — 

At this delightful season, with the moon in its 
full splendor, I, in meditation, fancy my former 
teacher shedding light upon me. The former epis- 
tle, containing your exhortations, I have emptied 
my heart, and exhausted my strength, to obey. 
Formerly I enjoyed the favor of listening to your 
instructions, and exhortations to repentance, and 
am now within the second enclosure, [the church.] 
I am now, both day and night, painfully affected 
lest I make some mistake, and incur the Lord's 
displeasure. I find delight, early and late, to com- 
municate the good news, and expatiate upon the 
benevolence and compassion of Jehovah, and dare 
not indolently cover up the doctrines of salvation, 
and thus injure those who have not heard. There- 
fore, my heart is half in joy, and half in sorrow, 
as to those around me. 

I heard that Apu had gone to Ningpo, and that, 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 181 

on his way, had called to make his complaints to 
you. How glad would I be again to listen to your 
instructions ! I have many things to state to you, 
but cannot write them all. At the present time, 
there are in the church Siang and Hong, who 
assist in teaching the gospel. Uncle Po and Keem 
join in friendly salutations and respect to teacher 
Dean. 

From your disciple, 

Aug Gui Seng. 



Bangkok, February 21, 1841. 
My dearly-beloved Husband : — 

Last evening, Miss Pierce, who had been 
staying with me a few days, returned, and, being 
much fatigued, I went to bed with baby at an early 
hour. A succession of duties, through the day, 
prevented the more pleasurable one of writing to 
you. It was Francis's birthday, and his mother 
particularly requested us to supplicate for spiritual 
blessings upon her child. 

Our dear brother Slafter continues to improve, 
and yesterday walked out alone, and sat a while in 
my rocking-chair, and afterwards walked to brother 
Goddard's, while we were at dinner there. 

I find the longer you are absent, the more I 
am inclined to remain at home ; for I do not like to 
go out alone, and then return to my solitary home* 
16 



182 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

Our meeting this morning was thinly attended, 
although one Hokkeen stranger came into the 
chapel, and another Tiechin man to the prayer- 
meeting. Chek Lim has not been into family wor- 
ship for several days, though I have seen him when 
I have been at the steps. He came to chapel this 
morning, but left immediately after worship. He 
has had, I believe, some difficulty with his em- 
ployer. Chek kok came to worship, and said his 
children were all well. . . . At the prayer meeting, 
the school teacher remarked that, since learning 
the death of his father and mother, he had thought 
much of the duty of writing home to his relations 
in China, to acquaint them with the one only living 
and true God, and Jesus Christ, the way of sal- 
vation. 

Ape returned to-day, and Atim came back on 
Friday, with a promise from her grandfather of 
staying a year ; and, if she learned well, he re- 
marked, she might stay much longer, but, if she 
could not learn, he would then take her away. I 
feel very anxious to be assisted in instructing her 
during this year. The teacher explained to-day 
James i. 2-12, and I was much interested with 
his remarks. 

Yesterday, Edmund fretted a great deal, and 
seemed inclined to do so to-day. I tried to please 
him, but all in vain ; and I much wished you were 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 183 

here to consult with ; but, as you were not, I could 
not allow him to go on so, and I administered a 
little discipline. A few tears rolled down his 
cheeks, and a few sobs escaped his lips ; but soon, 
to my inquiry, u Will my Edmund be a good boy ? " 
" Ka, dja, dja," seemed to imply, " yes, all is right,'' 
and ever since has been quite happy, and is now 
aleep. I would write much more, but must say 
good night. I suppose you are now at Singapore. 

We here interrupt Mrs. D.'s letters to give some 
account of the individuals alluded to in the foregoing 
notice- Chek kok was a man of numerous fam- 
ily of young children, who lived at Pak Lat, about 
six or eight miles from Bangkok, but was very 
constant in his atten4ance at worship on the Sab- 
bath- The school teacher alluded to above had 
a brother who visited the missionaries at Hong- 
kong, in 1844, and, after returning to his native 
place, addressed to them the following letter : — 

HOK BOO PRESENTS TO THE RESPECTED TEACHER : — 

On the twentieth I reached the place called 
the HilPs Foot When I landed., the men inquired 
of me what those books were which I had. I told 
them that they taught men how their souls might 
be saved, that their idols should be thrown away^ 
and that the true God should alone be worshipped. 



184 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

One man, after reading a while, said, " This doctrine 
is good, and when I go to Hong-kong I will go to 
the teacher, and have it explained clearly." I staid 
with him that night, and distributed among his 
neighbors about one hundred books; and started 
by land, with the remainder, for my native village 
on the 21st. On the following day, I arrived at 
home, and now send this letter for your inspection. 
I enjoyed the happiness of listening to the teach- 
er's instruction at Hong-kong for two months, and 
desired to be baptized ; but he counselled me to 
wait. And, as he is about to leave for his native 
country, I fear it will be a long time before his 
return to China, and I do not know that I shall ever 
have the happiness to enter the church. 

About two years ago, my elder brother [the 
school teacher noticed by Mrs. Dean at Bangkok, 
in 1841, as about to write home] wrote letters ex- 
horting me to repent, and embrace the doctrine ; 
but my. ears not hearing distinctly, and my eyes 
not seeing clearly, and my heart not thinking care- 
fully, I did not believe it till I came, and saw, and 
listened to the teacher myself. And now I be- 
lieve without a doubt, and am surprised that I did 
not believe before. And now I am determined, 
with the aid of the books, to teach my neighbors 
to worship the true God, and cast away their idols. 
Both morning and evening, I pray to God to pro- 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 185 

tect the teacher, that he may at his own house 
dwell in peace, and, when he embarks on the ship 
for his native home, that fair winds may favor, and 
that his little girl [an infant child, left by Mrs. 
Dean at her death] may dwell in peace, and find 
ten thousand blessings, for which my heart shall 
be exceedingly glad. 

Presented to the respected teacher, 

From his pupil, 
Yang Hok Boo. 

How purely Oriental is the foregoing allusion to 
the dulness of his eyes, ears, and heart ! It re- 
minds one of the passage in Isaiah vi. 10, " Make 
the heart of this people fat, and make their ears 
heavy, and shut their eyes ; lest they see with their 
eyes, and hear with their ears, and understand with 
their heart, and convert, and be healed." How 
like the progress of the gospel in all ages, also, 
was its manner of reaching the mind of this 
heathen man ! First, his brother, a school teacher 
employed by the missionaries in Siam, feels the 
impression of divine truth on his heart, through 
Mrs. Dean and others. He then avows his deter- 
mination to write to his relatives at their native 
village in the Celestial Empire. He does write, 
again and again, exhorting them to repent, and 
embrace the gospel ; and though no saving result 
16 * 



186 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

immediately follows, yet an impression is made, 
curiosity and interest are excited, and, several 
years after, his brother is impelled, when an op- 
portunity occurs, to visit Mr. Dean in Hong-kong, 
to obtain further information concerning the new 
religion. That information is given him ; books 
are put into his hands to distribute among his coun- 
trymen ; his heart is touched, and he becomes a 
co-worker in the cause of propagating the gospel. 
* Thus, as leaven in meal extends its influence from 
particle to particle till the whole is assimilated, so 
the gospel extends from mind to mind till it reaches 
every creature under heaven. Let no one assume 
that any race is incapable of taking the impression, 
since one so unpromising as this interior Chinese 
villager was brought to know the truth by means 
so slight, and instruction so limited. 

What Mr. Dean's condition at Singapore was, 
while his wife was addressing to him these com- 
munications, may be seen from the following, dated 
February 22, the day succeeding the last extract 
which we made from her pen : — 

My dearest : — 

I am this morning in comfortable health, and 
spending the day at brother Ball's. Find them very 
pleasant and kind. Enjoyed a delightful day yes- 
terday at church ; heard Mr. White. This morn- 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 187 

ing, at sunrise, visited the spot sacred to the mem- 
ory of my dear departed Matilda, [his first wife.] 
The monument te in good repair, and a small 
Popaiah tree is growing over it, and forms a lovely 
bower of prayer, where I enjoyed a happy season. 
Dear little Matilda, [his daughter in America,] my 
own Theodosia, and Edmund, were not forgotten 
on the occasion. The thought of heaven, where 
we shall all join together, was very pleasing. May 
the Lord preserve and bless you and the dear boy. 
My health is very good this morning ; slept all the 
past night, after a pleasant meeting with the Chi- 
nese at brother Ball's. The girls are very pleasing ; 
play and sing sweetly ; all speak Chinese in the 
family. The friends are all as usual this morning, 

so far as I know Kind regards to all 

the friends. 

From your affectionate, 

William Dean. 

Mrs. Dean writes her husband, — 

Hong-xong, Feb. 23. 

Mrs. Robinson and family spent the day yester- 
day at Mr. Goddard's, and pressed me to go up 
there, and spend a few days ; but I cannot leave 
my home. 

7 o'clock. — Edmund is all chat, playing on the 



188 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

floor ; and I seem to have enjoyed more quiet lei- 
sure to-day than for two days previous. I was in 
school by half past nine, and not out till twelve. 
From one to two read Chinese, and then I had the 
boys up for an hour ; after which, indulged myself 
in reading Mrs, Winslow till dinner ; then, Abbot's 
Teacher till the sun was down. In the evening, 
took a solitary walk to the old Masts, by the canal ; 
and then wandered round the graves, which are 
completely overgrown with grass ; and finally, 
came home, and had worship. 

[To understand the localities here alluded to, let 
it be considered that the mission houses are clus- 
tered together on the great thoroughfare running 
parallel with the river, and leading from the Bur- 
man village to the city. These houses, six in num- 
ber, are about two hundred yards from the river, 
and so arranged as to form a sort of semicircle, 
with the chapel in front, and the printing office in 
the rear, leaving an open square of an acre of 
ground between the street and the river. In this 
square, and directly in front of the chapel, are the 
graves alluded to. Here are arranged in a line 
the resting-place of Mrs. GutzlafF and her children, 
Mrs. Jones and two of her children, two of Mr. 
Robinson's children, two of Mr. Johnson's, with 
his second wife, one of Mr. Peet's, one of Dr. 
Bradley's, with Mr. Heed, Mr. Benham, Mr. Slaf- 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 189 

ter, and Mr. French. How impressive to Mrs. 
Dean must have been this evening ramble among 
the silent mementoes of these departed co-laborers ! 
What an oracular comment upon the uncertainty 
of a missionary's life — the presage of her own 
early doom ! How many a glowing hope of use- 
fulness to the heathen lies here entombed ! But, 
though dead, they yet speak, and even their early- 
made graves are mementoes of Christian heroism, 
and give promise that, 

" Though, seed lie buried long in dust, 
It shan't deceive our hope ; 
The precious grain can ne'er be lost, 
For grace insures the crop."] 

Feb. 24. — I have felt your absence yesterday 
and to-day more than ever before. When you 
were the last time at the bar, I was constantly 
receiving notes from you ; but now I can hope for 
nothing till I see you. Latterly, when I have called 
" papa " to Edmund, he has ceased to notice it ; 
but yesterday, while standing on the veranda, I 
called " papa," and the dear child immediately 
cast his eyes up towards heaven. I cannot tell 
you how I felt ; but I have not ventured to call 
your name to him since. O that I may be per- 
mitted again to welcome you home, and enjoy your 
endeared society ! 



190 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 



Feb. 28. — Last evening, Mr. Goddard had the 
school teacher up in our dining-room to reprove 
him for his conduct on the 26th. It appears that, 
while I was up stream, the teacher entertained 
with spirits some friends who called to see him, 
and partook of them himself rather freely. In 
the afternoon, he upbraided Apu with his loud 
talking, saying, " Sin Sey [teacher] was absent, 
and he ought to do better." " Why, then," said 
Apu, " did you drink spirits ? " This incensed 
the teacher, who struck him, and subsequently 
quarrelled with Chek Po, and loud talk ensued. 
During the next day, the teacher appeared quite 
downcast, and could not look me in the face ; and 
in the evening, we sent for him, when Mr. G. 
talked with him freely and fully. We found him 
ashamed of his conduct, and we hope penitent. 
After a long conversation, Mr. G. referred him to 
Matthew v. 23, and asked him if he would like to 
see Chek Po, to which he immediately assented. 
When he came in, the teacher arose, and begged 
him to be seated. Chek Po then made his state- 
ment, and confessed his sin in indulging in anger. 
After some further talk, they left, the teacher 
weeping considerably ; and both entreated us not 
to be grieved on their account, as they would strive 
against such offences for the future. 

March 3. — Mr. Buell conducted the worship 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 191 

this evening, and it was rendered interesting by the 
presence of our dear brother Slafter, for the first 
time since his illness. Sut was present, and Dr. 
Bradley, by request, prayed in Siamese. [Sut was 
the first Siamese in Bangkok who openly professed 
Christianity. He was baptized by Mr. Davenport 
in 1840, but has since been the subject of painful 
anxiety lest he should have been insincere. A few 
other Siamese have been baptized by Dr. Bradley 
and others ; but the number and character of con- 
verts from the Siamese has not hitherto afforded 
the encouragement which may now be reasonably 
anticipated from the spread of divine truth in the 
country. It is a hard field ; but what may not 
faith, labor, perseverance accomplish ?] 

March 10. — I have just returned home, having 
spent two nights at Dr. Bradley's. This afternoon 
I received your last hurried letter, and two hours 
after, your other dear letters, with some for you, 
and some for myself, from England. I am so 
excited, and it is so late to-night, I cannot say 
much ; but I thank you dearly for your kind let- 
ters, and, if you were here, would tell you much ; 
but prudence says, "Good night," while fond affec- 
tion says, " Write on ; " but prudence this time 
shall prevail ; so adieu. 

March 11. — I feel this evening wearied and 
oppressed. Edmund has been quite unwell all 



192 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

day, and the doctor says I must procure a wet nurse 
for him, at the bare idea of which my heart is deeply 
distressed. O my dear Edmund, my heart is bleed- 
ing for thee. If my dear husband were here to 
counsel me, how should I be comforted ! but, rest- 
ing satisfied that you would approve of such a 
measure, I dare not do otherwise, though the reso- 
lution has cost me many struggles. 

March 12. — Brother Siafter is not so well to- 
day, and we have some fears of returning disease. 
Chek Ho the other day introduced two boys, who 
have commenced study to-day, and appear well. 
I have not felt well for some days, but am now 
better. 

March 18. — Yesterday, much excited by a 
monkey bursting in at my dressing-room window, 
and seizing the little puppy, and biting it to death ; 
and in the night, still more alarmed by the cry of 
fire, which destroyed very many houses in Sam 
Peng. Brother Siafter has a return of unfavorable 
symptoms ; and the doctor has recommended him 
to remove to Singapore, and from thence to Pe- 
nang, thinking the season too unfavorable to hope 
for his recovery here. 

April 5. — Our dear Edmund has wasted 
away to a mere skeleton. Mrs. Hemmenway is 
quite ill ; Mrs. Goddard is no better, and Mr. Siaf- 
ter is to-day delirious, and apparently sinking into 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 193 

the grave. O my dear husband, this is indeed a 
trying season. May the trial of our faith work 
patience. 

April 7. — This morning, early, I went down 
to see brother Slafter, and found him fast sinking 
away. He pointed to heaven, but could not speak. 
After breakfast, Mr. Robinson went down and 
found Mr. Slafter had expired, and he soon re- 
turned to prepare for the funeral services, which 
are to take place at half past four this afternoon. 
A year from this day, our dear brother Slafter was 
employed in making the coffin for brother Benham. 
Sisters B. and P. are staying with Mrs. Slafter. I 
long to go down and stay with her, but my duty 
to Edmund prevents me from doing so, at least 
to-day. O my beloved husband, how my heart 
yearns after you ! Would that you could return 
soon ; but may the Lord's will be done. 

This afternoon we went down to attend the 
funeral. Sister Slafter was at Mr. Goddard's, and 
seemed, though feeling deeply, to be tolerably 
composed. Before the service, she told me some 
things he had said during the morning, a short 
time before he died. Among others, he requested 
her to call you and me. She told him that I was 
not there, and asked him if he did not recollect 
that you had gone to Singapore. After a mo- 
ment's thought, he replied he knew it, but thought 
17 



194 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

you had returned. I cannot write you what he 
said, but Mr. Buell has taken it all down, and when 
you return you can see it. 

During the service, the corpse, placed in a neat 
black coffin, was laid on the table, and at the close, 
brother G. led Mrs. Slafter to take a look at the 
corpse. She did so, and looked for a long time, 
touching his forehead and silently weeping. When 
she sat down by it, we all arose and looked at it ; 
during which time Mr. Robinson spoke a few words 
to the Siamese assembled, after which they were 
allowed to look at the corpse. When all were 
done, brethren D. and G. were about to close the 
lid, when sister S. again stepped forward to take 
a long, lingering, farewell look. The lid was then 
screwed down, and we followed to the grave. Mr. 
Robinson's remarks were upon Ps. xxxvii. 37. 
When sister S. returned to the house, and entered 
it, she for the first time gave way to her feelings, 
in audible sighs and groans. She sank down in 
her rocking chair by the bedside, and exclaimed, 
u O, what shall I do ? " I stood by her side, and 
wept with her in silence for a few moments, when 
sister Benham came in and endeavored to soothe 
her mind. Having succeeded to some extent, she 
asked if she would accept Mr. Buell's invitation to 
stay in his family for a few days, which, after a 
little hesitation, she consented to do. 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 195 

Such a scene in the little circle of a missionary 
compound, far removed from all the endearments 
of home and native land, in the bosom of a half- 
civilized people, must have an interest more touch- 
ing and painful than the ordinary forms of death 
among ourselves. How intense must be the feel- 
ing of loneliness in each survivor, as one of the 
little community is slowly borne to his last abode ! 

O, 'tis a scene of parting here ; 

Love's watchword is, Farewell ! 
And almost starts the following tear 

Ere died the last that fell. 
f Tis but to feel that one most dear 

Grows needful to the heart ; 
And strait a voice is muttering near, 

Imperious, " Ye must part." 

Oft, too, we doom ourselves to grieve, 

For wealth or glory rove ; 
But say, can wealth or glory give 

Aught that can equal love ? 
Life is too short thus to bereave 

Existence of its spring, 
Or e'en fGr one short hour to leave 

Those to whose hearts we cling. 

Count o'er the hours whose happy flight 
Is shared with those we love, — 

Like stars amid a stormy night, 
Alas, how few they prove I 



196 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

Yet, they concentrate all the light 

That cheers our lot below, 
And thither turns the weary sight 

From this dark world of woe. 

And could we live, if we believed 

The future like the past ? 
Still hope we on, though still deceived. 

The hour shall corne at last, 
When all the visions fancy weaves 

Shall be by truth impressed, 
And they who still in absence grieve 

Shall be forever blest. 

But happier they whose gifted eye 

Above this world can see, 
And those diviner realms descry 

Where parting cannot be, — 
Who with one changeless Friend on high 

Life's varied path have trod, 
And soar to meet beyond the sky 

The ransomed and their God. 

April 10. — Today Edmund is not so well, and 
I have determined to take him to Pak Lat, as you 
used to Matilda. [Pak Lat was a temple affording 
a quiet retreat for invalids, where they might en- 
joy the fresh air, and which had often been resort- 
ed to for the benefit of the sick.] Mr. and Mrs. 
Goddard have gone to the u Success," at the bar ; 
and the latter continues very unwell, and you can- 
not think how lonely we are. 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 197 

April 16. — Edmund this morning appears more 
cheerful, but I do not know that he is better, and 
we all have many fears that he may be obliged 
to leave Bangkok ere he recovers. Sister Slafter 
is now boarding with me, and seems in tolerable 
health, and is wonderfully supported in this season 
of trial. I am told I must send off my letters this 
morning, and so I cannot add more. I suppose 
we may expect you soon, but I scarcely dare hope 
it. How can I conclude, my beloved husband f 
O, may the Lord keep and preserve you, and soon 
restore you to your affectionate wife and your poor 
little feeble Edmund. 

So prays yours, most devotedly, 

Theodosia. 

The dear child alluded to in the preceding 
extracts continued to decline, till his fond mother, 
after many struggles, at length resolved to follow 
the counsel of her medical adviser, and try a 
voyage to Singapore, with the hope of saving the 
child's life. This, in the enfeebled state of the 
mission, with the claims of the school upon her 
time, and her strong desires to do all in her power 
for the instruction of the heathen, rendered her 
condition peculiarly trying ; and the resolution was 
formed after much deliberation and prayerful in- 
quiry. 



198 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

Six days after the last date, Mrs. Dean, by the 
advice of her physician, sailed with her child for 
Singapore, in hopes that a change of air might 
conduce to the restoration of its health. She em- 
barked in the Success on the 22d of April, 1841, 
deeply afflicted, not only by sickness and death, 
and the absence of her husband, but by the neces- 
sity which compelled her to desist from those la- 
bors for the poor heathen to which she had devoted 
her life. But, to enhance their mutual affliction, 
before intelligence of her leaving had reached Mr. 
Dean, he had embarked for home, to find it, when 
he arrived, bereaved of those whom he held most 
dear, and a scene of inexpressible loneliness. 
And equally desolate were her feelings, upon 
reaching Singapore, a few days after burying her 
child, to find her husband gone, and herself still a 
solitary mourner over the dear departed one. 
Thus both were deprived of the consolation of 
each other's presence under this afflictive dispen- 
sation. But, blessed be God, they had higher 
sources of consolation than man can afford, and 
seem to have enjoyed in an eminent degree the 
rest of faith. 

On the 8th of May, upon learning that his wife 
had left Bangkok, he writes, " This morning, start- 
ed with high hopes of seeing my dear family be- 
fore night. The feelings of interest and anxiety 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 199 

which had commenced on leaving them, and con- 
tinued to increase during the passage down and 
while at Singapore, by this time were intense ; 
but what was my disappointment, upon reaching 
Pak Lat, to be told, while just on the point of fold- 
ing my dear ones in my arms, that they had gone 
to Singapore ! The Lord in mercy enabled me 
to overcome the shock of such unexpected intel- 
ligence, and, after learning the circumstances, 
more than reconciled me to the self-denial. 
Though I could not but desire that my stay in 
Singapore had been protracted till the arrival of 
my family, still all is well. Reached home at one 
in the afternoon ; house empty and desolate, Mr. 
Davenport gone, Mr. Slafter dead, and all in indif- 
ferent health. Met Mr. Peet and Mr. Buell with 
their families, and Dr. Bradley, this afternoon, 
together with Mrs. Benham and Mrs. Slafter, 
sisters in affliction ; but they appear serene and 
happy." 

Alas for the trials of a missionary life ! The 
laughing, light-hearted girl of Thetford now stands 
in the front ranks of the embattled host, and, to 
bear up bravely, trusting in the Captain of her sal- 
vation, till her time comes to fall, is all that remains 
to her. The romance of the missionary enterprise 
has given place to its rugged realities, which none 
but a child of faith can meet and vanquish. All 



200 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

else will rue the day on which they girded on the 
armor. To breathe habitually a pestilential at- 
mosphere ; to live under a burning sun, with no 
cooling breeze to fan the torrid face of heaven ; to 
see the shafts of death striking down dear com- 
rades in arms on the right hand and on the left, 
and to feel a certainty that you, too, must fall soon, 
— are circumstances to encounter which, with any 
tolerable degree of composure, requires an over- 
powering hold on Heaven. 

And yet, from the moment the dawn of Christian- 
ity commenced with the day-star in the east, to 
the present hour, it has advanced by instrumentali- 
ties and under circumstances precisely like these. 
The zealous labors of the Baptist, carried on amid 
fasting, sackcloth, and destitution, were rewarded 
by imprisonment and an early grave. The Author 
of our holy religion had scarcely reached the 
thirty-fourth year of his sorrowing and toilsome 
life in doing good, before his services found their 
reward in a violent and agonized death. All his 
apostles, save one, are said to have shared a similar 
fate. This is a cause that leaves the foot prints 
of blood wherever it advances ; and beneath its 
streaming ensigns of victory may always be seen 
the new-made graves of its boldest champions. 
But their fall is the rising of many to a new life 
here on earth, while their own happy spirits are 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 201 

transferred to other and nobler fields of duty and 
achievement in a higher world. 

It appears, from the following letter, that Mr. 
Dean experienced the truth of the apostle's words, 
that, " as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so 
our consolation also aboundeth by Christ." 

Bangkok, Siam, May 15, 1841. 
My dear Wife : — 

Were I to endeavor to explain to you my 
feelings on reaching home, I should fail to express 
what you can better imagine by a reference to 
your own experience. But when I inform you 
that, after the first shock was over, and I had time 
to refer, in my own mind, all to the merciful 
arrangement of a wise Providence, I found peace, 
and have since been happy, you may think that 
it indicates a want of sympathy in your sufferings 
and an indifference to your interest. Were it in 
my power, I would fly to your assistance ; but 
since it is obviously best to remain where I am till 
I hear from you, I will not add to your solicitude 
by making myself discontented and unhappy. If 
your own health or that of the darling boy [this 
was written two days after his death] may be 
benefited by remaining for a while in Singapore, 
and you can make yourself comfortable there, I 
hope you will do so ; and if you think best, I will 



202 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

gladly come to you, on receiving information that 
you wish it. 

On hearing the account from Dr. Bradley and 
others, I fully approve the course you have adopted. 
If it had been so ordered that you could have gone 
with me to Singapore, or that I could have re- 
mained there till you arrived, it would have afforded 
me much satisfaction, and saved us both many 
hours of painful solicitude. But, as we acted after 
prayerful deliberation, and adopted the course we 
did from a sense of duty, we may be assured that 
it will result in good. I can now do little for you 
but to commend you to God, in doing which I find 
much peace. I found the teacher in the house, 
and all things in fine order. The school is flour- 
ishing and the church as usual. I enjoyed the 
pleasure of preaching to them this morning, from 
the last few verses of the fifteenth chapter of first 
Corinthians. The friends here are all very well. 

On the 29th of May, he writes, " I have 
just learned that my dear Edmund died on the 
13th inst. on the barque Success, off Singapore. 
He breathed his last in the lap of his fond and 
afflicted mother. O that I could have been there 
to share in her grief, and endeavor to sustain her 
sinking heart ; but I know that there is One who 
is better able to sustain and comfort than myself, 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 203 

and that He was there. Concerning the child, I 
can say through grace, - The Lord gave, and the 
Lord hath taken away, and blessed be the name 
of the Lord.' But I fear the shock will be too 
much for the sensitive nerves of my beloved wife. 
Still, the promise, ' As thy day so shall thy strength 
be,' affords comfort. May God in mercy sustain 
and bless her in this hour of deep affliction. If 
I could be sure that her mind is at peace, I should 
be happy ; and even for this, I trust in the grace of 
our heavenly Father." 

On the same day he writes to Mrs. Dean, " How 
much I desired to be with you and share your lot 
and console your heart, when I heard to-day by 
a letter to sister Slafter, from brother Daven- 
port, that our darling boy had breathed his last ! 
But, knowing you had a present Friend, and that 
He could better sustain and comfort than I could, 
were I with you, I felt consoled. The news was 
as unexpected as it was afflictive ; for, though I 
had fears, my hopes were predominant, and I in- 
dulged the fond idea of soon seeing you and dear 
Edmund in health and happiness. But, after 
weeping and praying over it during the day, I 
think I can say honestly, c The Lord gave, and the 
Lord hath taken away, and blessed be the name 
of the Lord.' Still, it required a stronger effort 
to leave you, in your present condition, in the 



204 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

hands of the Lord ; but to some extent I have been 
enabled to do so." 

On another occasion, he says, " Friday evening, 
June 4, have returned from a meeting at the house 
in the bazaar, where a number of Chinese came 
in to hear the gospel. My thoughts dwell much 
upon the condition of my dear Theodosia, and 
sometimes fear she may add to her afflictions by 
anticipating too much suffering on my part, or by 
thinking that she might have avoided some suffer- 
ing by remaining in Bangkok. Probably, if we 
could have foreseen events, we should have thought 
that the best course ; but doubtless God's plans are 
best, and he had wise and merciful reasons for 
ordering all the circumstances just as they have 
occurred. The circumstances, as well as the events, 
were all necessary to secure the end contemplated 
in the divine mind ; and, indeed, events are often 
so modified by the appendages as to derive from 
them their distinctive character. And as the event, 
without the existing circumstances, might have been 
comparatively a light affliction, so it might, on the 
same principle, have yielded us a comparatively 
unimportant blessing. ' Thy will be done. ' " 

While the husband was thus administering to 
his own heart and that of his wife the unction of 
Divine Love, and the ever faithful guarantees of 
God to his people, she, on her own account as 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 205 

well as on his, though separated from him by a 
broad expanse of ocean, was drawing life and con- 
solation from the same exalted source. Whether 
catching the expiring breath of her first-born as 
she folded him in her arms, whether hanging over 
his cold, pallid remains, far away from friends to 
comfort her, or whether rowed by sailors with her 
coffined treasure to the distant shore to find for it 
a grave, still her faith and hope in God remained 
unshaken as the everlasting hills. 

The following letter from Mrs. Dean to a Chris- 
tian friend will give some idea of the circumstances 
under which she left her field of labor, and the 
deep sorrow in which she was involved, as well 
as of the occasion she found to mention the loving- 
kindness of the Lord : — 

Barque Success. At Sea, May 17, 1841. 
My dear Miss T. : — 

Yours of the 17th of November reached me 
on the 6th of March, and I thank you for the 
same. Trials have been our portion, both as a 
family and as a mission, since I last wrote to you. 
Mr. Dean left us on the 31st of January, in feeble 
health. Mr. Slafter died on the 7th of April, 
after a severe illness of twelve weeks. Mrs. God- 
dard is very ill of the same complaint ; and I left 
Bangkok on the 22d of April, hoping the change 
18 



206 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

might benefit my little Edmund, who had been 
very ill since the 1st of March ; but in this hope I 
was disappointed, as he was taken from me on the 
13th inst., at nine o'clock in the morning. The 
trial, in Mr. Dean's absence, is severe; yet the 
Lord enables me to. feel that all is well. I can at 
times rejoice that my dear child has found a softer 
pillow than my breast. As we were lying off 
Singapore to take in water, I was spared the trial 
of seeing him buried in the deep ; and he was 
conveyed on shore, and buried on the side of a 
beautiful mountain. Sweet child ! there may he 
in peace await the summons of the judgment day. 

I would now gladly return to Bangkok, but I 
am obliged slowly to proceed to Singapore, as the 
monsoon is against us, and I fear, when I arrive 
there, Mr. Dean will already have left for Bang- 
kok. 

Eosemena is with me, and Apu, one of my 
Chinese boys, who came to take care of Edmund, 
and, in so doing, was most faithful and affec- 
tionate. 

Singapore, June 7. — I arrived here on the 4th, 
and found Mr. Dean had already sailed for Bang- 
kok ; but Mr. and Mrs. Jones are here, and we 
hope to leave this week. Rosemena has received 
her package from Mr. Fersey, with which she is 
much pleased, and will write him on our return 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 207 

to Bangkok. I cannot add more than that, with 
much love, I remain, very truly yours, 

Theodosia A. Dean. 

Rosemena, who was with Mrs. Dean in this scene 
of trial, is the same child for whom she wrote the 
letter, on a foregoing page, to a friend in the 
Island of Java. The child was at this time ten or 
twelve years old, her father being Dutch and her 
mother Chinese, Mrs. Dean having taken her from 
the orphan asylum and supported her at her own 
expense, with the hope of qualifying her to aid in 
teaching the children of the Chinese. But her 
proficiency in study did not meet the expectation 
of her patrons, though she is now living in a 
mission family in China, and, it is hoped, may be 
in some way useful to the heathen. 

We will now conclude this already too prolonged 
chapter with the following beautiful lines on the 
death of a child, which we find among Mrs. Dean's 
papers, dated Tavistock, June 1, 1840 : — 

u Earth had her precious gifts to tempt thy stay ! 
Then wherefore, sweet one, didst thou haste away ? 
There was thy new-made father's fond caress, 
There was thy gentle mother's tenderness, 
There was the voirce of prayer that rose from eartn, 
To ask for blessings to attend thy birth ; 
And there was love, unmeasured, pure, and free* 
Waiting to pour its choicest stores on thee* 



208 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

" Yet it was all in vain, thou infant guest ; 
For O, thou wouldst not tarry to be blest : 
And now thy tender, weeping parents know 
The first full tide of desolating woe. 
Say, was the world so cold, thou timid flower, 
That thou couldst only bloom one little hour? 
Hadst thou but lingered here, the tenderest care 
Had screened the desert's chilling air." 

'Twas thus I questioned, but no answering word, 

No rustling wing, my listening spirit heard ; 

Yet quiet gladness o'er my musing stole, 

And thoughts like these were whispered to my sog! i 

" Yes, there were gentle forms around 
The spot that gave me birth, 
And love was breathed in every sound 

That reached my ear on earth. v 
But angels came with wings of light, 
And bade me speed my upward flight. 
Thou hast not seen this lovely land, 

Nor heavenly music known ; 
Thou canst not guess their bliss who stand 
Around the golden throne ; 
No mortal eye can fix its gaze 
On glory's bright, unbounded blaze. 

" But God has made my spirit strong 

To bear this mighty joy ; 
He taught my lips a seraph^s song, 

He fixed my sweet employ. 
I look at Jesus, and I raise 
A holy hymn of thankful praise. 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 209 

" "Weep not, sweet mother ; I am thine ; 

Death cannot end thy love ; 
Rejoice thy loved one to resign 

To serve thy Lord above ; 
Like Samuel, taken from thy side 
In God's own temple to abide. 

u My father, when thy lips shall tell 

Thy Saviour's matchless grace, 

O, let this thought thy bosom swell, — 

My child beholds his face, 
And from his tuneful harp a strain 
Extols the Lamb who once was slain. 

" Then weep no more ; or, if the tear 
Of yearning love must flow, 
O, let the grief that Friend endear 
"Who pities all our woe, 
Yet takes his choicest gifts above, 
That Heaven may claim our purest love." 
18* 



210 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 



CHAPTER XV. 

DEATH OF A YOK, THE HEINAM BOY. — STATE 
OF THE MISSION AT BANGKOK. 

The nobility of native character is not the crea- 
ture of artificial rank, nor the monopoly of any 
one of the races. God has distributed its great- 
souled qualities with a liberal hand to men of 
every clime, every tinge of skin and personal con- 
figuration, whether they be civilized or savage. 
Let not the proud European claim them as the ex- 
clusive right of his own division of the common 
brotherhood. The native tribes of America, the 
Tartar clans of Asia, the Malays and the Negroes 
evince, in some cases, as lofty a sense of manly 
dignity as the most renowned nations of ancient 
or modern times. Who has not been touched with 
the story of Pochahontas, throwing herself on the 
English captive to protect him against the uplifted 
tomahawk of her savage father ? Who has not 
felt proud of the dignity conferred upon our com- 
mon manhood by the mild, just, faithful, and heroic 
virtues of the Haytian chieftain Toussaint, who, 
though born in slavery, evinced the talents of a 
Washington among his native islanders ? That such 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 211 

a man should be left to die in the prisons of France, 
is the foulest blot on the reign of Napoleon. And 
over the story of Quashi one might drop a tear of 
generous admiration. Quashi belonged to a tribe 
that preferred death to the mark of the whip upon 
their glossy skin. He had offended his young 
master, with whom he had grown up more as a 
play -fellow than a slave, and, to escape the decreed 
punishment, he fled. His master pursued, and, at 
the moment of overtaking him, Quashi stumbled and 
fell, and his pursuer fell upon him. " They wres- 
tled long with doubtful victory," when, at length, 
the slave got the advantage, and, seating himself 
firmly on his master's breast, he drew a knife, and 
said, " Master, I have been bred up with you from 
a child ; I loved you as myself ; in return, you 
have condemned me to a punishment of which I 
must have borne the marks ; thus only can I avoid 
them." So saying, he drew the knife with all his 
strength across his own throat, and fell down dead, 
without a groan, on his master's body. 

" Strong but luxuriant virtues boldly shoot 
From the wild vigor of a savage root ; 
Nor weak their sense of honor's proud control, 
For pride is virtue in a pagan's soul. 
A sense of worth, a conscience of desert, 
A high, unbroken haughtiness of heart ; 
That self- same stuff which erst proud empires swayed, 
Of which the conquerors of the world were made." 



212 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

An example of this soul-greatness, though in one 
who died too young for the maturity of its develop- 
ment, came under the notice of the Bangkok mis- 
sionaries, in the person of a poor Heinam boy, of 
whom Mrs. Dean has given a somewhat minute 
and graphic account. If, so fresh from the rude 
life of his untaught heathenism, such qualities shone 
in him, to what an elevation might not time and 
cultivation have raised him ! 

Mrs. Dean says, " As it was yesterday our pain- 
ful duty to attend the funeral of one of our school- 
children, we thought you might desire to receive 
some particulars of his conduct whilst under our 
care, and subsequently during his illness. The boy 
alluded to was a Heinam youth, named A Yok, 
who came to us on the 19th of last November, in 
high health, robust and strong, being then about 
fourteen years of age, and had been in this country 
two years. He knew little about reading when he 
came, and we therefore gave him the first books 
used by children ; namely, the native three-charac- 
ter book in the morning, and the Christian four- 
character book in the afternoon. Not being satis- 
fied with this, he, of his own accord, read a tract 
entitled the Two Friends. He made rapid prog- 
ress, soon commenced reading the Four Books, 
and, in addition, took his turn in reading the 
Scriptures every morning at family worship. We 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 213 

soon perceived that he possessed a mind of no or- 
dinary intelligence. Though but slightly acquaint- 
ed with our Teo Chew dialect, his answers to ques- 
tions proposed by us on the Scriptures, or other 
subjects, proved that he understood what he read, 
and thought much about it. 

" He was a boy of few words, and, though he 
answered readily to questions relative to facts, he 
seldom or never gave us any clew to his own feel- 
ings. He was of a remarkably amiable disposition, 
and, during his whole stay with us, we never heard 
of his quarrelling with the other boys, or using bad 
language. He had a very retentive memory, and 
could easily recite a considerable portion of the 
native classics. We never had occasion to punish 
him, or scarcely to reprove him for a fault design- 
edly committed, during the whole of his stay with 
us. He was very attentive, and would often antici- 
pate our wants, leaving us surprised at his quick- 
ness and penetration in discovering our wishes. 
At the time of the Chinese New Year, when the 
school was closed for a few days, and almost all 
the boys dispersed, he remained with us, continu- 
ing many of his usual employments, and pleasing 
us all by his cheerful hilarity. 

" On the 4th of August, he first complained of a 
headache, and wished to be excused from attending 
school in the morning, though he read as usual in 



214 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

the afternoon, the time allotted to Christian read- 
ing. This he continued for two or three days, 
when I asked him why he did not come for medi- 
cine : he replied, he did not wish to take any. 
On Sunday, the 9th of August, when I went to 
take my class as usual, I found him asleep, covered 
with a blanket, and very feverish and sick. My 
fears were then first excited, and from that time 
he grew rapidly worse, and so weak that he could 
scarcely walk. At this time he would frequently 
be found in tears, and, when spoken to, maintain a 
resolute silence, or speak but few words, as if 
scarcely understanding what was said to him. He 
continued attending worship, morning and evening, 
until the 22d ; and on the 23d, he was, dear child, 
unable to stand alone. He appeared from the first 
to look forward to death with an intuitive insight 
into his fate, as if one from the spirit- world had 
whispered it in his ears, and frequently said to a 
cousin who called to see him on the 16th, c I shall 
soon die, I shall soon die,' when, at the same time, 
he was weeping bitterly, and would say nothing 
else. 

" The last week of his life, he was, at the desire 
of his friends, attended by Chinese and Siamese 
doctors ; but without avail. His disorder contin- 
ued to increase until the 30th, when he died. Two 
or three days before, he appeared more willing to 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 215 

converse than on former occasions, and Mr. Dean 
asked him several questions, as, whether he 
believed ; whether he thought he should go to 
heaven ; and so on. To the first he replied, he 
did believe ; but to all the others he maintained 
an unbroken silence. On Saturday, he fainted, and 
many thought he was dying ; but he recovered a 
little, to die on the Sabbath, at the close of the ser- 
vice, in the chapel. He expired easily, without a 
groan. As he had no near relatives in Bangkok, 
except the cousin above mentioned, who was absent 
when he died, he was buried, instead of being 
burnt, as most of the natives are here. He was 
followed to the grave by the school children and 
church members ; and it was to all of us an affect- 
ing scene. Such were the life and death of this 
poor boy. We are left in painful uncertainty as 
to the state of his mind and preparedness for 
heaven, whilst we are permitted to indulge a faint 
hope that he did indeed love the Saviour, of whose 
name, but a few months ago, he had never heard. 
We are, by this event, powerfully and solemnly 
reminded of our responsibility to these poor chil- 
dren, and of the necessity of urging them now to 
come to the Saviour. O for grace and wisdom to 
discharge our duties with acceptance to God, and 
benefit to these poor children ! " 

As for ourselves, we believe God has designs 



216 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

of mercy in cases which he does not reveal to us. 
As Mr. Cecil says, we cannot doubt but that the 
poor pagan, praying, in the hour of death, with a 
sincere heart, to the God he knows, feeling his own 
blindness, and surrendering his soul to his Maker 
in the best manner he can, may be accepted through 
the mediation of our Lord Jesus Christ. In every 
nation, those who fear God and work righteous- 
ness are accepted of him ; nor can we set limits 
to our Saviour's power to redeem. Where there 
is sincerity ; where there is an earnest longing 
for heavenly light ; where there is the best use 
made of the means at command for obtaining that 
light ; yea, where there is brokenness of heart, 
and contrition of spirit, even though, on account 
of the absence of revealed religion, these qualities 
appear under a pagan dress, and without the requi- 
site forms of thought and manifestation, yet God, 
on account of the greatness of his mercy, may 
accept them, through the atonement, as a sufficient 
basis for his everlasting favor. Those who are 
redeemed to God by the blood of the Lamb will 
be found, in the last day, to have come out of every 
kindred, and tongue, and people, and nation. 

All the kindreds of the world give birth to noble 
minds, great souls who are fired from the birth 
with the ambition of reaching the highest style of 
excellence upon the ideal of which they are able 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 217 

to take hold ; and, on the principle of requiring 
little where little is given, what more can be de- 
manded of them ? These are exceptions to a gen- 
eral rule, and do by no means supersede the neces- 
sity of preaching the gospel to the heathen. Yea, 
rather, they show the necessity of doing it, since 
God has among them a prepared people, who have 
only to know to embrace it, and to see to rejoice 
in its light. 

" Perish the illiberal thought which would debase 
The native genius of the sable race ! 
Perish the proud philosophy which sought 
To rob them of the powers of equal thought ! 
Does, then, the immortal principle within 
Change with the casual color of the skin ? 
Does Matter govern Spirit ? or is the mind 
Degraded by the form to which 'tis joined? 
No ; they have heads to think, and hearts to feel, 
For they have keen affections, kind desires, 
Love strong as death, and active patriot fires ; 
All the rude energy, the fervid flame, 
Of high-souled passion and ingenuous shame." 

Hannah More* 

u The effect of this death generally upon the 
children of the school," says Mrs. Dean, "has not 
been such as we should expect in our own country. 
I observed one in tears, as they were putting the 
corpse into the coffin ; but the rest seemed to 
19 



218 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

endeavor to throw off their feelings, and appear 
unmoved. During the prayer meeting, Keok 
Cheng, the teacher, addressed the children in a 
manner at once simple and touching. 

" In the middle of the night after the burial, Mr. 
Dean was informed that the grave was illuminated ; 
when, upon inquiry, he found a Chinaman there, 
with tapers and incense sticks, worshipping the 
spirit of the departed ; upon calling to whom he 
put out his lights, and made his escape. The 
reason of his visiting the grave was probably this : 
In selecting tickets for the lottery, thirty-six char- 
acters are used, and persons wishing to take a 
ticket know not which character to select. They, 
therefore, consult some other person, who, by the 
influence of departed spirits, is supposed to have 
found out the fortunate character. The mode he 
adopts to accomplish his purpose is this : He goes 
to the grave of a person recently deceased, in the 
middle of the night, lights incense sticks and wax 
tapers, and sets the thirty-six characters round the 
grave with some red ink and a pencil ; and, after 
repeated acts of worship, he then retires for three 
or four hours, when the spirit is supposed to mark 
with red ink the lucky character. 

" O the delusions of Satan ! When will this un- 
happy people be freed from their bonds by the influ- 
ence of the gospel, and, instead of illuminating the 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 219 

graves of their departed friends by earthly tapers, 
and for earthly purposes, seek for themselves that 
divine illumination which shall dispel the mists of 
error from their minds, and shed the light of im- 
mortality upon the darkness of the tomb ? 

" ' The heart knoweth his own bitterness, and a stranger doth not 
intermeddle with his joys.' — Prov. xiv. 10. 

** Why should we faint, and fear to live alone, 

Since all alone — so Heaven has willed — we die * ( 
Nor even the tenderest heart, and next our own, 
Knows half the reasons why we smile or sigh. 

u Each in his hidden sphere of joy or woe 

Our hermit spirits dwell, and range apart : 
Our eyes see all around us gloom or glow, 

Hues of their own fresh-borrowed from the heart 

*' And well it is for us our God should feel 

Alone our secret throbbings ; so our prayer 
May readier spring to heaven, nor spend its seal 
On cloud-born idols of this lower air ; — 

* For if one heart, in perfect sympathy, 

Beat with another, answering love for love, 
Weak mortals all entranced on earth would lie, 
Nor listen to those purer strains above. 

u O, what if Heaven, for once, its searching light 
Sent to some partial eye, disclosing all 
The rude, bad thoughts that in our bosom's night 
Wander at large, nor heed Love's gentle thrall I " 

" Je mourrai seul." — Pascal* 



220 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

We add here a few extracts from Mr. Dean's 
journal, during the absence of his wife, showing 
the state of the mission at Bangkok on his return 
from Singapore in 1841. In the midst of sickness 
and death, there were still tokens for good, and 
encouragements for continued labor for the salva- 
tion of the heathen. At the close of Sabbath, 
May 23, Mr. Dean says, " We have enjoyed a 
good day. Keok Cheng, the Chinese teacher, 
preached in the morning in Chinese, and I in the 
afternoon. A good assembly in both cases, though 
the Goddards and sister Slafter are still at the bar; 
and, from a note just received from Mr. G., I fear 
they may be obliged to leave, on account of sister 
Goddard's health. My text to-day was Isaiah xxx. 
18-21, which afforded me much comfort, and I 
hope may do so to others." This passage, as the 
reader will see by examining it, was most appro- 
priate to the circumstances. " Though the Lord 
give you the bread of adversity, and the water of 
affliction, yet shall not thy teachers be removed 
any more, but thine eyes shall see thy teachers," 
must have been a comforting thought in the midst 
of this scene of death and dispersion. 

" We had a large number at the prayer meeting. 
We have now ten boys as boarders," besides those 
who attended as day scholars from their respective 
homes. " There is a pleasure in commending all 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 221 

to the merciful care of Him who knows us alto- 
gether. Through his grace, I am more peaceful 
and happy than I could have believed under the 
circumstances. When I think of Mrs. Goddard's 
suffering health, I am inclined to recommend you 
to remain in Singapore for a while, however much 
I desire to see you." 

On another occasion, he says, writing his wife 
just after the death of her child, " I preached this 
morning to the Chinese, and heard brother French 
this afternoon in English. All the friends remem- 
ber you in their sympathies and prayers. The 
church, in their prayer meeting, prayed very ear- 
nestly for you ; and, after hearing so many fervent 
prayers by the missionary brethren and sisters in 
your behalf, I feel assured that you will be sus- 
tained while passing through the deep waters of 
affliction. That your soul may be kept in per- 
fect peace, is the prayer of your affectionate hus- 
band." 

" May 31. — The Adrastus, an English ship from 
Singapore, came in to-day, bringing letters for 
you from England, and one from your dear mother 
to me, stating that sister ' Fanny,' on the 18th of 
August, was married to the Rev. Frederic Sims, 
Neyland, in Suffolk. He is the fifth among ten 
sons. All were in good health among your friends 
in England on the 5th of November, 1840. 
19* 



222 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

" Saturday, June 5. — We have this evening, in 
our little prayer meeting, not forgotten the absent 
members of the mission, while endeavoring to pray 
for the blessing of the Lord to attend the labors 
which have been performed in this land of dark- 
ness, and that we may be assisted in the duties of 
to-morrow." Again he says, " Met a few of the 
members of the church and several others at the 
chapel, and at the prayer meeting all prayed for 
my dear family, that they might ' come back in 
half a month.' " And on another occasion, " Chek 
Pow prayed, that ' you might come back in ten or 
eight days.' To this I can say a hearty amen. 

" June 13, Sabbath. — Preached this morning 
in Chinese, from Proverbs xxviii. 13, ; He that 
covereth his sins shall not prosper,' &c. The 
assembly paid good attention, and at the prayer 
meeting there was some confession of sin, indi- 
cating that they understood and felt the truth. 
Some are broken-hearted, but many more are hard 
and unmoved. 

" June 18. — In consequence of the rain, held 
our meeting in the chapel this afternoon, instead 
of going to the bazaar. Text, ' Blessed are your 
eyes, for they see, and your ears, for they hear.' 
I have been pretty well to-day, though threatened 
a little last evening with disease. God is still kind 
in lengthening out my days, and still gracious in 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 223 

granting me his presence and his blessing. He 
has enabled me generally, of late, to feel cheerful 
and happy ; and though I know not what a day may 
bring forth, still I am taught, by the experience of 
the past, to trust in Him at all times and in all cir- 
cumstances. Sometimes I think, if I could only 
hear that my dear wife was alive and in com- 
fortable circumstances, I would be satisfied ; but 
the Lord replies, ' Why not be satisfied as it is ? ' 
Here is the test of my submission. May God 
enable me to magnify his grace and honor my 
profession. 

"June 21. — This day I am thirty-four years 
old \ and as I look back upon the past, and endeavor 
to count the mercies of God, my heart is filled 
with gratitude ; and as I look at my sins, my soul 
is filled with shame. May God forgive and fit me 
to live to his glory in future, and, when he calls 
me hence, receive me, through grace in a crucified 
Redeemer, to himself. Amen." 



224 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 



CHAPTER XVI. 

MRS. DEAN'S RETURN TO BANGKOK. — LEAVES 
FOR MACAO. — CORRESPONDENCE. 

Mrs. Dean returned to Bangkok, in company 
with Mr. and Mrs. Jones, where she found her 
husband anxiously awaiting her arrival, and where 
she resumed her labors in the school, with her 
usual zeal and with a high-toned piety, which clearly 
showed the result of sanctified affliction. Here 
she continued her efforts, faithfully and success- 
fully, till February, 1842, when, in company with 
her husband and two native brethren of the Chinese 
church, she embarked for China. To this step 
they seem to have been impelled by the unfavor- 
able influence of the climate at Bangkok on the 
health of Mr. Dean. 

During a temporary residence in Macao, her 
daughter, Augusta Fanny, was born, who is now 
left motherless. Soon after this event, Mr. Dean 
left his family under the hospitable roof of Dr. and 
Mrs. Hobson, at Macao, and visited Hong-kong, 
and subsequently Amoy and Chusan ; and during 
his absence, the following letters were written : — 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 225 

The first is dated 

June 21, 1842. 
My beloved Husband : — 

With a trembling hand, I take my pen to 
address a few lines to you ; but as it is to meet a 
husband's eye, I will make no apologies. . . . 
We had Chinese worship this morning as usual, 
but I looked round in vain for the beloved head of 
the family. I have felt all the time as if you 
would soon be coming in to gladden me with your 
presence. Last night the Amah slept in your 
study. I suppose she thought you had disciplined 
the skeletons into the proper order. [The allusion 
here is to a skeleton encased in a box, and placed 
near the study, of which this servant had expressed 
many fears lest she might be taken off by it in the 
night.] 

I am told Mr. Bridgman is going to settle at 
Hong-kong next week. Mrs. Ball made me a 
long visit yesterday, and afterward sent me a copy 
of the Second Edict, with the Comment. [This 
was a native Chinese book, which Mrs. Dean found 
much pleasure in reading, and by repeated perusals, 
made the sentiments, and to a great extent the 
language, her own.] 

This is your birthday, and I have thought much 
of you. Please excuse more at this time, while, 



226 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

with the tenderest love, believe me to remain 
your fond wife, 

Theodosia 

The following extract of a letter from Mr. Dean 
at Hong-kong, bearing the same date with the fore- 
going, will show that the object of his making this 
tour was to determine the most suitable location for 
his future labors. 

My dear Wife : — 

I hasten to inform you that I had a pleasant 
passage of little more than twelve hours, and, 
after remaining on board till five o'clock this 
morning, gave Mr. Shuck and his family an early 
salute, and have enjoyed with him a pleasant in- 
terview thus far. After breakfast, I went with him 
to the chapel, where Hok Heng [their former 
school teacher] resides. He is pretty well, but 
suffers a little from cough. Charles came in to 
see me, and I paid my compliments to Mr. Da- 
tronguay, who inquired very particularly after you 
and the baby, and says he has another child since 
he left Singapore, and that his family are coming 
here in a month. He appears well and happy. I 
have made two or three other calls, and been about 
the town, and find the shops, in the neatness and 
durability of the buildings, and the richness and 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 227 

variety of their supplies, altogether surpassing my 
expectations. [Hong-kong was a new town, just 
then rising into existence.] 

The rains of late have been so heavy here as to 
do much damage ; some houses have fallen down, 
and a part of the wall of brother Shuck's new 
house, which is in process of building, has given 
way. The foundation of the Roman Catholic 
priest's house has been washed away, taking 
granite and all, and the roads are much in- 
jured. The streets here are full of mud, and the 
town in the greatest state of irregularity and wild- 
ness imaginable. But there is more here than 
I expected to find, in the shops, population, and 
business. 

We had a delightful passage over, clean boat, 
pleasant captain, one Tie Chew passenger, and 
twenty Macao men, all of whom were very civil, 
except one baby, which, you know, will sometimes 
cry. We came two thirds of the distance in six 
hours. I enjoyed a good season, this morning, in 
meditating of past mercies, and God's great good- 
ness in bringing me thus far through life. I felt 
some softness of heart in thinking there was one 
who would remember this day with me, and pray 
especially in my behalf. While thinking of my- 
self, you and the dear little one have not been for- 
gotten. I have enjoyed unusual freedom in prayer 



228 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

for you, and for the blessing of God to attend us 
all through life. I hope dear little Augusta and 
yourself are in comfortable health to-day. . . . 
I see no prospect of obtaining a residence here 
for at least two or three months, and it is not 
certain that it would ever be an advisable course, 
as there are very few Tie Chew men, except boat- 
men, in the place. [The Tie Chew dialect was 
the one Mr. Dean had acquired, and he could only 
make himself understood with facility by that 
people.] I hope to go to Chek Chu this week, 
though the roads are now almost impassable. [It 
was yet doubtful whether this or some other loca- 
tion should be made the seat of the Tie Chew 
branch of the China mission, though it was finally 
settled at Hong-kong, where it remains to this 
day.] 

Macao, June 23, 1842. 
My dearest Husband : — 

I could not find a moment's time to write you 
yesterday, as little Fanny was restless and unhappy 
all the day. I still suffer much from the boil to 
which I alluded in my last. I tell you the worst, 
my dear husband ; so you need not think I am 
very uncomfortable, for I should be quite the re- 
verse but for this unfortunate boil. Yesterday after- 
noon I got out upon the terrace for a short time, 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 229 

which I enjoyed much ; but I was soon driven in 
by a heavy shower. Yesterday Dr. Bridgman 
dined with us. I suppose you will see him in 
Hong-kong before you leave. I am afraid this 
rainy weather will hinder your going about as much 
as you wished. O, how much I long to be settled 
again, where we may resume our missionary 
work ! I dare not write more, for I am obliged to 
rest every spare moment for Fanny's sake. With 
kindest love, I remain, as ever, yours. 

P. S. — I have just received four letters from 
America, enclosed in one from Mr. H. of Singa- 
pore. They were from Mr. Stow, Mr. Peck, S. G. 
Dean, and your annual account from Mr. Lincoln. 
Mr. Stow states, that our dear Matilda continues 
to improve in her studies, has commenced writing, 
and is in the most perfect health. Mr. Peck says, 
he thinks the Board would cordially approve of 
your residing at Macao or Canton, if your health 
will not allow you to remain at Bangkok. I sup- 
pose, of course, when he wrote, he knew of na 
other places in China where we could reside. 
Adieu. 

Friday, June 28, 1842. 
Your kind letter, dated June 24-26, was just 
brought in by Mr. Lockhart, and I thank you much 
20 



230 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

for it. Yesterday, when I called Chek Yet to take 
my letter to the post-office, he said he thought it 
was of no use, as you would be home soon, and 
he thought all my letters were lying in the drawer. 
I was therefore delighted to find they had reached 
you in safety. In regard to engaging an English 
woman, I should say, if she were pious, it would be 
a great object ; but if otherwise, I know not what to 
think of it. The Amah certainly tries very hard 
to please, and is improving ; and if I am strong 
and well, I could get on with her very nicely ; but 
these few days, she has seemed to be of no use at 
all, and Mrs. Hobson says she is as "slow as a 
snail. " With a pious, steady woman, I could leave 
the house with comfort ; but then an English 
woman might be tried by the climate, and if she 
has a family, or is likely to have one, I should not 
wish her. I tell you these things, my dear hus- 
band, but will leave it for you to decide as you 
think best ; for you will probably be able to see 
and converse with the woman, and therefore judge 
better than I. I had commenced a note last week 
about an Ayah, but became so much better, I de- 
termined not to send it, but wait at least till you 
come home. I think an English woman without 
principle would be worse than an Ayah or an 
Amah. 

Yesterday afternoon Mrs. Lockhart paid me her 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 231 

promised visit, and we had quite a pleasant chat on 
the terrace. Fanny was out too, and enjoyed it 

much Mrs. H. is exceedingly kind, and tries 

to get every thing she thinks would promote my ap- 
petite Chek Yet is very attentive since you 

have been gone, and Mecha is doing better 

A safe return to you, is the prayer of 
Your affectionate wife, 

Theodosia A. Dean. 

The following letter from Mrs. Dean, to one of 
her Bangkok friends, more fully explains the cir- 
cumstances in which she was placed at this period 
of her short history : — ■ 

Macao, July 12, 1842- 
My dear Sister Hemmenway : — 

Your interesting letter, dated April 23, was 
put into my hands on the 6th of June, three days 
after the birth of my dear little Augusta Fanny, 
and I think my first letter to Bangkok ought to be 
addressed to yourself; for never can I forget your 
kindness to me at the birth of my darling Edmund. 
We are now staying in the hospital with Dr. and 
Mrs. Hobson. The former is w T ell practised in his 
profession, and it is impossible to describe to you 
the kindness of both towards me, during my con- 
finement. I was at first very weak, but I have 



232 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

now nearly recovered my strength. I have been 
obliged to feed Fanny, at least once a day, since 
she was a fortnight old ; but it is not attended with 
the danger here it would be in Bangkok. I can- 
not discover that Fanny resembles Edmund at all, 
except in her eyes, which I think will be of the 
same color ; her hair is dark, and not very fine. 
She is, I think, more healthy than Edmund was, 
and grows finely. She is a quiet child in general, 
but cries very loud if hungry or in pain. She 
sleeps in the night remarkably well, sometimes 
from nine to five without waking. 

Mrs. Hobson has a little boy, born a month be- 
fore Edmund ; very healthy, active, and noisy, but 
who is just beginning to talk. When I first came 
here, I engaged a Chinese Amah ; but she was so 
exceedingly slow, I dismissed her, and have now 
in my service an English woman, the wife of one 
of the soldiers. She came only a month ago, in the 
Belleisle, with twelve hundred and seventy-eight 
persons on board, including forty women and sev- 
enty-three children : these are now all at Hong- 
kong, with several others who arrived in other ves- 
sels. I am much pleased with Mrs. Tact, (the 
name of my woman,) who is steady and obliging, 
though only nineteen ; takes good care of Fanny, 
and does me some work besides. She requires 
less wages than many of the Ayahs, and they will 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 233 

do little but take care of the child. Dr. Hobson is 
making good progress in the Canton dialect, and 
labors much for the spiritual benefit of the patients 
under his care. He says, during the last year, the 
names of four thousand patients are on the books, 
and their number is daily increasing. The house 
affords accommodation for fifty-two in-door pa- 
tients, and numbers more apply for admittance 
who are obliged to be refused. The doctor is 
taking great pains in the medical instruction of 
two Chinese, while Mrs. H. daily instructs them 
in the English. One of these went to America 
with Dr. Parker. This last-named gentleman is 
expected to arrive in the course of two or three 
months. Since I came here, Mrs. Lockhart pre- 
sented me with a nice little cot for Fanny, made 
of camphor wood, with mattress, curtains, sheets, 
&c, all complete. It had been prepared by Mrs. 
GutzlafF for her poor little babe, which only sur- 
vived half an hour, and she had offered it for sale. 
Mrs. GutzlafF has not recovered her health since 
her confinement, and left in May for America, 
taking with her three blind Chinese girls, and one 
who could see, intending, if possible, to leave them 
in America. She has already sent four to Eng- 
land, two going under Mrs. Noble's charge. [The 
two sent to this country are probably the same 
20* 



234 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

whom the writer saw in the Blind Asylum at 
Philadelphia, in 1844.] 

Mrs. Ball lives very near us, and with her fami- 
ly is in good health Mr. Dean left me on 

the 9th to go to Hong-kong, in order to embark 
on board the Lowell, for Chusan and Amoy. He 
will probably be absent upwards of two months. 
The remembrance of our painful separation last 
year makes me feel his absence at this time to be 
a trial ; but I would endeavor to cast all my care 
upon the Lord, who, I know, careth for me. He 
left me before on the 20th June, to visit Hong- 
kong and Chek Chu, at which last place is sta- 
tioned Mr. Roberts. He returned on the 28th, 
much pleased with his visit, yet fully convinced 
that, at least for the present, these are no places 
for us to labor in the Teo Chu dialect. [The dia- 
lects of China are as distinct as the languages of 
Europe, though they use the same characters in 
writing, and the same literature, just as the Euro- 
pean nations use the nine digits, giving them, how- 
ever, each its own name, or just as those who 
speak different languages can sing together a piece 
of written music] 

This is now the hottest season of the year in 
Macao ; but I never feel it trying, except before 
breakfast, when it is very oppressive, and makes 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 235 

me feel a languor, at times, which in Bangkok I 
never knew. Mr. Dean's health has been some- 
what benefited by his voyages, but he is still 
obliged to take great care of himself. However, 
we look forward with hope to the cold weather. 
We are having very heavy rains at this time, 
which is unusual, but may probably save us from 
typhus fevers ; and we are told that the growing 
rice has not been so fine for several years past. 
Rosemena's surname is Wocits, and we call her 
Media. She was much pleased with Caroline's 
letter, and somewhat disappointed that she could 

not write is now no more here to 

preach, but Mr. B. has preached ever since he 
came to Macao, and all the others have gone to 
Hong-kong. There is no English chaplain here, 

so that Mr. B. takes the service in the church 

Give my love to sister Caswell, and tell her I 
think much of her at this time. Please tell Mr. 
C. I have recently received a letter from my sister, 
written in July last, soon after her confinement, in 
which she acknowledges the receipt of my letter 
which contained the request for maps, but she takes 
no notice of it. I suppose it must have slipped her 
memory. She is now living in the country, far 
from London, and may not be able to procure 
them. Also ask him to remember me to A Chin 
and A Ke. Give mv kindest love to sister Slafter. 



236 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

Thank her for letters, and tell her I will write to 
her next. Please remember me very affection- 
ately to all dear friends in B. I know not a place 
in which I had rather labor, if my dear husband 
could enjoy health there. You know not how 
much pleasure your letter afforded me. It seemed 
to place me at once in the midst of your circle. 
I miss much our dear private prayer meeting. 
There is none here, and even the maternal meet- 
ing has been dropped for some time. Let me 
know how goes on the Association at Bangkok. 
In a letter from my mother, she expresses herself 
well and happy. 

Very affectionately yours, 

Theodosia A. Dean. 

Macao, August 2, 1842. 
My dear Husband : — 

Messrs. Ball and Brown accompanied Mr- 
Williams yesterday to Hong-kong, in order to ex- 
pedite the building of their respective houses. 
They say the Balls will leave Macao in three 
months. I have a letter from Mrs. Heed, dated Feb- 
ruary 4, in which she says, " Mrs. Noble and the 
blind children have arrived in London, and one of 
the children first sent over is dying." [This Mrs. 
Noble was the wife of Captain Noble, of the Kite ; 
who was taken prisoner by the Chinese, at Ning- 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 237 

po, in September, 1840, after the wreck of the 
vessel, and the death of her husband and child. 
She was released, after an imprisonment of four 
months of intense suffering. The children were 
blind Chinese girls, who were sent to England for 
an education.] 

Just four weeks to-day since you left home, and 
more than two since I heard from you. The time 
seems to pass slowly, and I cannot but feel anxious 
to hear of your safety, and to learn your plans of 
future labor for this people. Still, with my cares 
and anxieties, I will lean upon the Lord, who has 
ever so graciously supported me. I long to be 
settled, and more actively engaged for the good 
of the Chinese ; but this suspension from labor fur- 
nishes time for reading and reflection, which I 
hope may not prove altogether unprofitable to me. 

Last evening we had our female meeting, con- 
ducted by Miss Aldersey, who read the second 
chapter of Revelation, and requested us to take 
our Bibles and go through the chapter, remarking 
upon the most striking verses. At the close of 
the meeting, she proposed that we read and medi- 
tate upon the fourteenth chapter, for the next 
meeting. I should have liked the plan much, had 
more time been allowed for prayer ; but as it was, 
the meeting was opened by Mrs. M. and closed by 
Mrs. L., singing and remarks filling up the interval. 



238 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

Money is flying fast. I have this month seventy 
dollars : at this rate we shall have a fine balance 
in our favor at the end of the month. 

Mrs. Dean had great tact in the financial man- 
agement of her household affairs, which gave her 
husband every confidence to commit it to her 
hands. His income was a slender one at the best, 
amounting to less than half of the sum generally 
allowed to the common clerk of a mercantile house 
in that country. Mrs. Dean had, during her resi- 
dence in Bankok, the entire charge of all the ex- 
penses of the family, which was comfortably pro- 
vided for through her skill and economy, and ren- 
dered happy by her cheerful smile of contentment. 
But this limited allowance, which, with prudent 
management, was made adequate to supply the 
necessaries of life in Bangkok, was found insuffi- 
cient for the wants and comfort of the family in 
China, where provisions for the table are procured 
at nearly double the expense. Perhaps we should 
in justice here take into the account, as one occasion 
of an increased expenditure, that, in some places in 
the latter country, missionaries may procure some of 
the luxuries of life, such as bread, butter, and Irish 
potatoes, which are not procurable in the former 
country. But when we come to the necessaries of 
life, such as fish, fowls, and rice, they are about 
twice as expensive in China as in Siam, Burmah, 
and India. 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 239 

Solomon says that " a prudent wife is from the 
Lord ; " and certainly no class of men have more 
occasion to bless Him for the gift than clergy- 
men, whether located at home or abroad, because 
none have more occasion for economy, and a skil- 
ful in-door appropriation of their finances. Not a 
few ministers owe their success, or their failure in 
life, to the character of their companions. The 
situation is a most delicate, difficult, and responsi- 
ble one, making it as necessary that the wife should 
be peculiarly fitted, by education and grace, to 
enter and occupy it with success, as that the hus- 
band should be called of God, like Aaron. It 
is not the calling to make any woman happy, 
whose heart is not touched with a love of the 
duties of so holy a station, and who cannot freely 
consent to be made the subject of unkind remark, 
impertinent criticism, and officious interference, in 
addition to the privations of a limited income, all 
for Christ's sake, and the good of souls. The 
venerable wife of a pastor who lived at an early 
period of the past generation, and whose husband 
afterwards rose to considerable respectability, once 
told the writer this story : That, at an early period 
of her husband's ministry, when his income was 
too limited to give them a comfortable living, and 
her family, besides, were sick and suffering, the 
wife of a wealthy farmer near proposed to give her 



240 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

what milk she needed for her family, provided she 
would come for it. Accordingly, the next morning, 
with pail in hand, she climbed the bleak hill on 
which the farmer lived, and obtained the promised 
supply ; but, upon getting home, she found the 
contents of her pail sour, and unfit for use. The 
next day she renewed her visit, and with the same 
result. What should she do ? Such was the con- 
dition of dependence in which their family was 
placed, and so delicate its relations to society, that 
the poor pastor's wife subjected herself to the task 
of going daily for an article that she could not use, 
lest offence should be taken by this important fam- 
ily, and her husband^s ministry should be injured. 
This is an extreme case, and an instance of servil- 
ity quite unsuited to the dignity of the holy calling : 
and yet there are many like it, in which persons 
are found mean enough to take advantage of a 
minister's situation, which makes it unwise in hirn 
to resent or expose an insult, in doing by him as 
they would not dare to do if his hands were not 
thus tied. 

This cautiousness in the wife lest the ministry 
of her husband should be blamed, this disposition 
to pocket an insult, and restrain all the heart's 
emotions of resentment, though it may be carried 
to an extreme, is still an indispensable requisite in 
the wife of a clergyman. She must have the char- 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 241 

ity that u suffereth long and is kind," that " bear- 
eth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all 
things, endureth all things." And if to this be 
added the skill for financial management, as in the 
case of Mrs. Dean, she may be considered as per- 
fect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works, and 
for all the exigencies of endurance to which she 
is called by her station. To such it may be said, 
" Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou 
excellest them all." 

Yesterday, the doctor gave me some medicine, 
and forbade my reading Chinese, and decreed 
me, instead, to take some Port wine daily. I 
dare not disobey my doctor, lest, by so doing, 
I should offend my husband. So I have laid 
aside my Chinese books, and amuse myself by 
tending baby, who quite approves of the plan. 
I now miss your endeared society greatly, as I 
have not been able to occupy my thoughts with 
my books, but now am quite left to my own re- 
flections. When shall I hear from or see you ? 
It is, this day, five years since I left England. 
What tender and varied thoughts rush upon my 
mind ! How many and important the changes 
affecting myself and my father's family! And 
what have been the changes affecting the Chinese ! 
How little have I done for their good ! 

Mr. P. is still at Mr. Brown's, and, in his absence, 
21 



242 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

is teaching the elder boys. I am now covered with 
the prickly heat. The heat here for the last few 
days has been intense. Yesterday was, according 
to the Chinese, the first day of autumn, and last 
night we had torrents of rain. I hope you receive 
my letters, and that you may soon return to 
Yours, devotedly, 

Theodosia A. Dean. 

The following, from Mr. Dean, bears date 

Chusan, Aug. 20, 1842. 
My dear Wife : — 

I was much rejoiced to hear, by a letter from 
Dr. Hobson to Mr. Milne, received last evening, 
and written the 9th inst., that you and dear little 
Fanny were in comfortable health. I should have 
been better satisfied to receive some of the many 
letters which he says you have written to me since 
I left ; but I live in the hope of seeing some when 
the Fortune arrives, now daily expected. I have 
been very happy and healthy since I saw you ; but 
very much wish to see you again, and learn from 
your own lips how you are. I should mention, 
that on Monday last I was not quite well, but am 
now as usual, and have enjoyed my time very 
much with friend Milne, and find some real friends 
among the officers of the 41st, who are all very 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 243 

gentlemanly, and some of them are pious. We 
have prayers on the Lowell at evening, when I am 
on board, which is often ; though I make it my 
home with Mr. Milne in the city. But the air is 
better on board, though quite comfortable here. 
We have no fear from the Chinese here, though 
there are said to be in the city evil-designing men 
from the continent, who would do mischief if they 
could. I have visited several of the ships in the 
harbor, of which there are about twenty, and pro- 
pose to have an assembly from them to preach to 
to-morrow on board the Lowell. The captain is 
very kind, and makes my stay on board quite 
agreeable. 

We hear that Mr. Lockhart, with his family and 
attendants, is to be here in a few days. Poor Wil- 
liam is in consternation where to put so many ladies 
in Chusan, [owing to the influx of foreigners at the 
conclusion of the war with England, and the open- 
ing of this port to other nations.] However, I hope 
they may find useful employment, and that the 
move may result in good. It may prove a safe 
and happy experiment, and I pray it may ; but I 
should not think it prudent to put my family into 
Chusan just at present. Not that I think there 
would be any particular personal danger ; but 
things are in that unsettled state which might soon 
leave a family in embarrassment here. I hear that 



244 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

Captain Meik has been with you, and that Williams 
has removed near the custom-house. Where are 
the Balls ? I hear nothing about any one but you 
and Fanny : this is of chief importance to me, to 
be sure ; but I would like to know how the servants 
are, and how they conduct themselves, as that may 
have a bearing on your convenience. I regret to 
hear that you " are not in robust health," and fear 
little Fanny is drawing too largely upon your re- 
sources. If so, do call in some aid, either a nurse 
or a nanny. Does the little " pet " hold up her 
head and speak loud and plain, or what does she 
do, and how does she look ? 1 am beginning to be 
impatient to see and judge for myself. 

I write this thinking there may be a steamer 
here, or some vessel going down before us, which 
may not furnish a convenient opportunity for my 
return. The captain has remarked that he might 
stop at one or two places in going down, and be at 
Macao at the last of September. The party on 
the Lowell are all well, and, though there are a 
number of the soldiers and officers here, both on 
ship and shore, who are on the sick list, there has 
been no death, to my knowledge, since my arrival, 
now nearly two weeks. The news from the north 
you will gather from other 1 sources, and therefore 
I will fill my letter with matters which you may 
not find in the papers. The captain of the West- 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 245 

moreland came in yesterday from Amoy, and 
stated that Mr. Abeel took passage on board his 
ship for Chusan, and after three days they put 
back, on account of bad weather, and A. landed, 
thinking himself too ill to come on. He had fever 
in addition to his old complaint. 

Aug. 24. — This afternoon, visited the ruins of 
the Orphan Asylum, which was founded at the first 
part of Taou Kuang's reign, and had generally 
about forty girls at a time, who were taken in 
infancy, and taught to work, and supported till ten 
years old, when they were put out to service in 
respectable families. There are tablets, four in 
number, one of which records the design of the 
institution, and the others contain a record of chil- 
dren, or some of the more interesting cases. The 
house was about thirty feet square, and the area 
enclosed around four hundred feet in circumfer- 
ence, now all in ruins. 

Aug. 26. — Visited the ruins of a Confucian 
college, where candidates were examined, and the 
successful ones received their degrees. There are 
several buildings, with a large enclosure in the 
centre, with rows of cedar-trees, under the shade 
of which the examinations were conducted, and a 
pond, with a bridge, over which the successful 
graduates passed. The buildings are now occu- 
pied by washermen and a guard of sepoys. I 
21* 



246 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

expect to preach on board the Lowell to-morrow, 
and have several officers from the shore. So fare- 
well for the present. 

William Dean. 

The following, from Mr. Dean to his wife, seems 
to have been the last communication of the kind 
that passed between them, as he soon after re- 
turned, and was not separated from her, for any 
length of time, till the period of her death. It is 
dated 

Tinghai, China, September 11, 1842. 
My dear Wife : — 

The letters I sent you by the steamer which 
left for Hong-kong to-day week, have, I hope, 
reached you, and are telling their tales. But 
though I have not much confidence in my powers 
of speech, I think I could tell my own story better 
than they can, at least to you. Only think ! if I 
had gone in the steamer, I might this evening have 
been sitting at your side, with Fanny on my knee, 
and listening to your recital of all that has befallen 
you both since my departure. How I should 
rejoice in the privilege ! But all is well, and I 
hope to see you in due time, and still hope to hear 
from you — a thing I have not enjoyed since leaving 
Hong-kong. 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 247 

To-day I have been kept in by a sprained ankle, 
occasioned by stepping out of the boat, a week 
ago ; but it has not kept me from walking about 
till the last three days. And to-day I suffer less 
than I did yesterday, and have the prospect of 
being about again in a day or two. I am thus 
reminded of your lameness on board the Mar- 
gareda, [the ship in which Mrs. Dean made a 
voyage of two months from Singapore to Macao.] 
Margareda ! What a name ! and what associa- 
tions are connected with it ! I have not thought 
of it before for an age, nor do I desire to again, 
except to revive the recollection of your presence 
with me at the time, [probably owing to the un- 
pleasantness of the voyage.] 

As I could not preach nor go to hear Mr. 
Milne, [son of Dr. Milne,] I have spent the day 
in writing a sermon, and in reading my Bible, as 
I hope, to some advantage. Still, I have to mourn 
my spiritual state. During the last week, I have 
written a letter to brother Henry, [Dr. Dean, of 
Rochester, New York,] one to brother Frederic, 
(Mr. Milne is calling, and begging me to "remem- 
ber his affections to Mrs. Dean,"') one to Mr. 
Boise, and one to Mr. Peck, all of which will be 
endorsed with this, to go by the next steamer. 
And, if I could wrap myself up with them, I 
would gladly take a trip in the mail-bag to Macao, 



248 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

to go with steamboat spaed to those whom I love. 
I have latterly read a little Chinese, but am quite 
frightened at my dissolute habits. I am obliged to 
write Chinese daily somewhat, for the people here 
will not understand my lingo, and I am sure I 
cannot understand theirs to any great extent ; so 
we are obliged to resort to the use of the pencil. 
.... I have the promise of a trip, in the Roy- 
alist, to Chinhai and Ningpo, when she returns, 
which is expected to-morrow. The trip will re- 
quire one day to go, one to stay there, and one to 
return, — in all, three days, — and the steamer is not 
expected for more than a week to come ; so I may 
have time, and still be ready to gain the steamer, 
if she will take me to Hong-kong. Captain Pierce 
still talks of a fortnight, and I am afraid he will 
not be in Macao before the middle of October, 
and perhaps not before the last ; so I may have a 
month still before I see you. The Lord direct, 
and all will be right. 

Sept. 17. — The steamer is expected to-mor- 
row ; and, to be sure of the opportunity, I close my 
letter to-night, to send it to the office. Yesterday, 
the Claudine and Mary Ann came in from the 
south, but brought no letters for any one here. 
All the letters are boxed up, and directed to head- 
quarters, and must go to the general, at the north, 
before they can be opened. This is a just cause 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 249 

cf complaint here. The captain reports that the 
Fortesque was to sail in two or three days after 
them ; so we may soon hear from you. My health 
is quite good, and my sprained ankle is to-day 
almost well. I applied leeches two days ago with 
great advantage. Captain Pierce says he will sail 
for the south the last of next w T eek ; but I give 
him one week more, so that the time still remains 
the same — a fortnight. The weather is very fine, 
cool, and clear ; thermometer 69° in the shade in 
the morning, and 78° at noon ; rain, once a week. 
Messrs. Milne and Medhurst are well ; Lockhart 
daily expected ; generally healthy at Tinghai, but 
I do not like the place as well as Knlenysu. 

A chop has just come out from the lieutenant- 
governor of the province, recommending the peo- 
ple to select some of the ablest men for a police, 
to take up the vagabonds that abound about the 
island, and put an end to the misrule which has 
prevailed since the government of the city was 
taken from their hands — [an instance probably of 
Chinese spleen against the English, who had con- 
quered them by force of arms.] 

With kindest love to the Hobsons, and all our 
Macao friends, I remain your affectionate husband, 

W. Dean. 



250 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 



CHAPTER XVII. 

LOCATION AT HONG-KONG. —RESULTS OF LABOR 
THERE.— DEATH OF MRS. DEAN. 

After duly considering the advantages of various 
locations, Mr. Dean finally selected Hong-kong as 
the seat of his missionary labors in China, to which 
place he removed his family the latter part of 
October, 1842. The healthfulness of this location, 
its growing importance from the influx of Eu- 
ropeans and the p.ommerplal changes consequent 
upon the late war with England, and its con- 
tiguity to that part of the people of China who 
speak the dialect to which Mr. Dean had given his 
attention, together with other considerations, gave 
it a preference before all other places ; and the wis- 
dom of the selection is proved by the continuance 
of the mission there to this day. 

A church was soon collected here, schools estab- 
lished, books distributed, and all the usual labors of 
a missionary station, in which Mrs. Dean was an 
active and zealous participant, were carried on 
with much success and promise of permanent use- 
fulness. As a specimen of the manner of con- 
ducting a prayer meeting in this little church, and 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 251 

to show the sentiments uttered on the occasion by 
the Chinese converts, we will here introduce a 
document descriptive of the scene. A-Bak is the 
first speaker, who, rising in his place, said, — 

u I have still to mourn over my late offences, 
consequent upon allowing my mind to be filled 
with worldly things. It is my daily prayer that 
God would forgive and grant me his mercy. My 
mind is very dark." 

A Tek, following, said, " I am a worthless man. 
My knowledge is little. My faith is shallow, and 
my heart abounds with wickedness. I have con- 
stant fears lest I fall into sin." 

A Lun : " In attempting to teach others the true 
doctrine, I see how much I need to rely upon the 
Holy Spirit. It is my greatest desire to obtain 
more of the Holy Spirit, that I may be able to 
teach the gospel to others." 

Eng Yaou Chong : " My heart is joyful daily, 
I rejoice that I have heard the good news, that 
Christ has atoned for my sins, and made a sacrifice 
for my soul. I rejoice every day. I only mourn 
that my infirm body will not allow me to work for 
Jesus Christ." 

A. E. : "I am daily sorrowful that I do so 
many things to offend God, that I so easily fall into 
temptation. I know, if Jesus does not uphold me, 
I shall fall. I ask the brethren to pray for me." 



252 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

A Tui : " During the past week, I have been 
employed exclusively in distributing the Scriptures 
and speaking of Jesus to the Chinese. I have 
often thought of the passage, ; Lord, increase our 
faith.' My faith is very little, and very poor. I 
have been much more happy this week past than 
when engaged in the business of this world." 

Hok Heng : " I have been sad and unhappy 
during the last week. The misconduct of my 
younger brother, having by gambling reduced 
himself to penury and involved the whole family 
in suffering, has been more than my weak faith 
would endure and still be happy." 

Eng Yaou Chong then prayed, to the following 
effect : — 

" God of heaven, and Lord of all things > through 
the merits of Jesus Christ, we pray thee to forgive 
our numerous and aggravated sins ; bestow upon 
us the Holy Spirit, to aid us in obeying thee, and 
avoiding the temptations of the devil to rebel 
against and despise Jesus Christ. And we be- 
seech thee, heavenly Father, in mercy to cause all 
men to hear the true doctrine, and bestow upon 
them the Holy Spirit, to change their hearts, and 
give them to understand that the God of heaven 
is the only true and living God, and that idols are 
the work of the devil, and can neither protect men, 
forgive their sins, nor save their souls. And we 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 253 

pray thee to cause them early to repent of their 
sins, and come and join us in the worship of the 
true God. 

u \y e gj ve thee thanks for sending the teachers 
of the truth here, and that we have felt the par- 
doning mercy of God, by relying on the merits 
of Jesus Christ, and that we have been led to cast 
away our wooden images, and to turn to the true 
God. We pray thee to give to us, day by day, 
our daily bread ; save us from disease, and help 
us, in all things, to remember that God's eye is 
always seeing us. We pray thee to bless us, who 
are now in the presence of the God of heaven. 
One has said that his heart is sorrowful : grant 
him a peaceful mind and an increase of faith. 
One has said he is more happy in seeing Christ 
than in seeing the world : may this happiness be 
increased tenfold. One says his body is infirm 
and weak : may it be preserved and made strong 
to serve thee. One has said that he cannot teach 
men without the assistance of thy Holy Spirit : 
Lord God, give him much of the Holy Spirit, that 
he may clearly understand the true doctrine, and 
teach it to others. One has said he feared he 
should fall into temptation : may we all be kept 
from temptation, and truly serve the true God. 
Our prayer is offered through the merits of Jesus 
Christ. Amen." 
22 



254 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

The document containing the foregoing states, 
further, that on one occasion, when Mr. Dean had 
closed a sermon on the text, " The wicked shall be 
turned into hell with all the nations that forget 
God," insisting that his hearers, some of whom 
were strangers, had forgotten God in worshipping 
idols and working wickedness, one man inquired, 
" Does God truly see all that I do ? " On another 
occasion, a Chinese, in explaining a future world, 
gave the following grotesque and singular speci- 
men of his theological ideas : " Wang," he said, 
" judges all men after death, sending the good to 
heaven, where they enjoy all kind of luxuries. 
And among the wicked, some are shut up in 
dark prisons, where they have little to eat, and 
endure all kinds of suffering. Some of the worst 
of the wicked, after death, he decapitates, and 
dooms them to go about as headless ghosts, re- 
ceiving their food by having it poured down their 
throat." A headless spirit still taking food is 
about as ludicrous a picture as that of Byron, in 
his Vision of Judgment, representing the king of 
France as setting up 

" such a headless howl, 
That all the saints came out and took him in." 

These pictures of another life remind one of the 
insane dreams of Emanuel Sweden borg. 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN, 255 

On another occasion still, a man inquired of Mr, 
Dean whether the trumpet, which is to awake the 
dead and summon men to judgment, would be 
sounded in every place, for each man, and how 
many days it must be sounded for all men. An- 
other proposed the old question which the apostle 
considered in his letters to the Corinthian church, 
" what he should do when his friends invited him 
to partake with them of things offered to idols." 
Another desired to know " why it was wrong to 
eat the flesh of animals that died a natural death.'" 
Mr. Dean found among the Chinese an extreme 
dread of being left childless, for this reason, — that 
the family gods are deposited in the house, and wor- 
shipped by relatives ; and in case the family rela- 
tives are all dead, the god is removed to the temple, 
where the priests burn incense to it, and it is wor- 
shipped by beggars. This they deem a desecra- 
tion of their household too revolting to be thought 
of, which makes them dread the extinction of their 
families. 

The following sketch of a sermon from Hok 
Heng, a Chinese preacher, is worthy to be pre- 
served. The text was 2 Corinthians xi. 7 : " Have 
I committed an offence by preaching the gospel 
freely ? " He began by saying, " Chinese priests 
preach for food and money, and say all the good 
words for the sake of the pay. Gospel, good 



256 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

news, news that makes glad, without price ; lam- 
entable news, as hearing of a death in your 
native district or village ; mournful news, as when 
you hear of your parent's death ; " enlarging 
upon the ideas here suggested. 

" Christian teachers come here for what ? 

" They ask not your money, your houses, or 
your lands. What object have they to deceive 
you ? Confucius taught the things of this life. 
No one ignorant of the gospel can be saved. 
Teachers come to remove this ignorance from your 
minds, that you may enjoy the blessings of the 
gospel. 

" One man believes their message, and is saved. 
One village believes their message, and is saved. 
One district believes their message, add is saved. 
One country believes their message, and is saved. 
All nations believe their message, and are saved." 

The object of the preacher in this seems to be to 
show the progressive march of the gospel, from 
individuals to classes, and from the smallest to the 
largest possible portions of the world. 

" Christ's example. — He taught, he comforted, 
he supported ; he was infinitely wise, and yet he 
was humble. Are you wiser than he ? Why, 
then, are you proud ? Our minds must be like 
his, or we cannot be happy with him. 

" Suppose a teacher and a coolie were to enter 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 257 

into partnership in business ; they would soon find 
that their occupations did not agree, and that they 
proved a mutual hinderance, rather than a help to 
each other. So, if your mind is not in harmony 
with Christ, how can you enter into partnership 
with him ? Is it an offence to save a man's body ? 
Is it an offence to do good to a man ? to tell him 
the truth ? to promote his interest ? to save his 
soul ? Why then an offence to preach the gospel ? " 

This sermon was preached before a house 
so full, that the people thronged about the door. 
And who can tell but some future White field may 
be raised up from among themselves to agitate 
the whole surface of society throughout the Celes- 
tial Empire ? May God hasten it in his time ! 

In the midst of these labors and successes, after 
becoming acquainted with one of the most difficult 
languages in the world, and just as she had begun 
the harvest which had been sown and cultivated 
with so much care and so many tears, Mrs. Dean, 
on the March subsequent to her arrival in Hong- 
kong, was, by a mysterious providence, summoned 
into the presence of Him from whom she had 
received her commission. Such an event, at such 
a crisis, adds another to the already innumerable 
facts in the history of God's people, to show that 
this is not the only world in which the gifts ac- 
quired by religious discipline may be exercised for 
22* 



258 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

the glory of the sovereign Ruler, and the happi- 
ness of his universe. God has stations of useful- 
ness, as well as of peace and bliss, superior to 
those of the China mission ; and why should we 
not bow in submission when he transfers to them 
one so eminently qualified to occupy them as the 
subject of this memoir ? Shall we deem the labor 
lost, the money wasted, and the cherished hopes 
of years all dashed, because Christ said to one so 
ripe for the honor, " Come up hither " ? 

The last letter which Mrs. Dean appears to have 
written was addressed to Mrs. Bradley, of the Siam 
mission, on an early day of the month in which 
she obtained her release, and began the life of im- 
mortality. 

Hono-kong, March 3, 1843. 
My dear Mrs. Bradley : — 

I have this day received sister Goddard's let- 
ter, which brought the sad tidings of the early 
removal of your dear little Harriet, by that same 
ravaging disease which bereaved our sister Ben- 
ham of her sweet babe ; and I hasten to offer to 
you my sympathy in this time of affliction. Full 
well do I know the bitterness of the trial ; but, O 
my sister, I know too, in some feeble measure, 
the consolations afforded to the Christian at such 
times, and I feel assured that you, too, have felt 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 259 

their sweetness. As one whom his mother com- 
forteth, may the Lord comfort you, and abundantly 
sanctify the trial to yourselves and your two sur- 
viving children, particularly to dear Jane, who is 
of an age to feel the trial, and apply the lesson to 
herself. O that she may have grace to do so ! How 
sweet, my sister, if the death of one precious little 
babe might be blessed to the spiritual birth of 
another equally precious ! How many dear chil- 
dren are clustering around the throne, early called 
away from this scene of trial and temptation ! You 
have two ; we have one ; and may we all persevere 
to the end, growing in every Christian grace, until, 
purified and sanctified, we may be so happy as to 
rejoin them, and, with our surviving children, form 
one united, happy family in heaven, where death 
can rend our hearts no more, nor sin, with its ten 
thousand stings, any longer torture us. 

Often have I to look back, and recall the feelings 
I had on the removal of our darling Edmund ; and, 
at such times, I feel a longing for heaven, a near- 
ness to its blissful mansions, which, amid the daily 
perplexing cares and temptations of the world, I 
find it difficult, yea, sometimes impossible, to main- 
tain. I can imagine how you both feel at this 
time ; for I well remember the lovely spirit you 
evinced when your dear little Sophia was, as you 
supposed, about to be snatched from you ; and I 



260 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

much wish I could be with you to share your sor- 
rows, and imbibe your meek resignation to the 
Lord's decree. While you were weeping over 
Harriet's grave, we were anxiously awaiting the 
arrival of another little one, and subsequently 
watching, with tearful anxiety, the struggles of our 
dear sister, apparently on the verge of the grave. 
She has in mercy been restored to her family, and 
is now gradually resuming her accustomed duties. 

The foregoing, written eighteen days before being 
seized with her last sickness, shows the delightful 
state of heavenly-mindedness in which her final 
summons found her. As " coming events cast their 
shadows before," so, in this case, the society of 
heavenly beings " clustering around the throne," 
where " death can rend our hearts no more, nor 
sin, with its ten thousand stings, any longer torture 
us," were in her thoughts as a sort of anticipation 
of the state of bliss and glory to which she was so 
soon to be advanced. She had looked forward, 
with great delight, to the time when she should be 
permanently located, with her husband, at a station 
where she might be entirely devoted to direct mis- 
sionary work. In leaving Bangkok, and sailing to 
China, in her long confinement with her little one 
at Macao, while her husband was much of the time 
absent to determine the most eligible seat of their 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 261 

future operations, and in the enfeebled state of her 
health, she had been compelled to suspend her 
accustomed labors and studies for the good of the 
heathen, which increased her impatience to be 
once more engaged in the chosen enterprise of her 
life. She felt that she had no time to lose ; and 
hence, upon arriving at Hong-kong, she resumed 
her work, and continued it, with unremitting zeal, 
to the last week of her life. 

" On Tuesday morning, March 21st, she arose 
in her usual health, and took her accustomed walk 
before breakfast. During the forenoon of the day, 
she merely mentioned that she felt uncomfortably ; 
but in the course of the afternoon, her husband 
found her so much indisposed as to warrant his 
calling her physician. During the night, her fever 
was very high, and her disease, which proved to 
be the small-pox, continued its violence until Fri- 
day, when it assumed alarming features, and baffled 
the efforts of the most skilful medical treatment. 
There were now manifest indications that disease 
had deranged her mental functions, which materially 
interfered with eliciting those marked expressions 
of faith and hope sometimes uttered by dying Chris- 
tians, in the immediate prospect of dissolution. 
And yet, consciousness lingered sufficiently for 
her to listen with marked attention to prayer and 
religious conversation ; and we know that, having 



262 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

made her peace with Qod while in youth and 
health, she was ready for the solemn summons. 
Her disease now raged with unabated violence, 
rendering abortive the assiduous attentions and 
skilful treatment of her physicians ; and through- 
out Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, she lay bal- 
ancing, as it were, between life and death, linger- 
ing upon the confines of time and eternity, until 
half-past four o'clock on Wednesday morning, 
March 29th, eight days after she was attacked, 
when the silver cord was loosed, the golden bowl 
broken, and her spirit took its upward flight to that 
world where death is swallowed up in victory, 
and all tears are wiped away. 

" Thus, on the 24th anniversary of her birth- 
day, she left her surviving husband and infant 
daughter to feel the loss of an affectionate wife 
and a devoted mother, a circle of Christian friends 
to mourn the removal of an agreeable associate 
and valued helper in their missionary work, while 
she has entered upon a higher service above, and 
commenced the life of immortality and of unmin- 
gled enjoyment. By her life, she has furnished a 
practical exposition of the meekness, the chastened 
cheerfulness, the patient perseverance, and pious 
devotion of the Christian ; and, by her sudden 
death, she has admonished us to live habitually in 
readiness to leave this world and meet our Judge. 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 263 

She has left us the best of testimony in favor of 
early piety, a life of faith and prayer, and of the 
importance of the missionary enterprise. 

" In this cause she cheerfully devoted her all, 
and in the prosecution of her work she peacefully 
resigned her life. Though cradled in affluence, 
and nurtured under the influence of kindred friend- 
ship and refined society, influenced by an enlight- 
ened and consistent piety, she broke away from 
the embrace of affectionate parents, a beloved 
sister, and endeared associates, and dared the perils 
of ' the sea, and the unseen dangers of a foreign 
land, the scoffs of the infidel, and the superstition 
of the heathen,' for the sake of promoting the 
welfare of her race, and the glory of her Saviour. 
She now ' rests from her labors, and her works 
follow her.' One Chinese, who had been her per- 
sonal servant up to the time of her death, followed 
her to the grave with marks of mourning, who, 
by his prayers, and his life, affords encouraging 
evidence that he is preparing to follow his departed 
mistress. During her labors among the heathen, 
it was her privilege to see several Chinese put on 
Christ ; and how far their conversion may be 
attributed to her influence will be best known in a 
future world. Few persons have, during the same 
number of years, enjoyed better opportunities for a 
free and friendly intercourse with the Chinese ; 



264 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

and perhaps none have improved them more 
assiduously, or produced a more salutary impres- 
sion." 

As an appropriate close of a life so beautifully 
and so usefully spent, we add here two scraps of 
poetry, which we find among her manuscripts, and 
which express the views of death entertained in 
life, and therefore are more to be depended upon 
than any thing she could have uttered during the 
final struggle. 

O, just when thou shalt please would I depart, 
My Father and my God ! I would not choose, 
E'en if I might, the moment to unloose 

The bonds which bind my weak and worthless heart 

From its high home. S6 I but have a part, 
However humble, there, it matters not 
Or long or short my pilgrimage ; my lot 

Joyful or joyless ; if the flowers may start 
Where'er I tread, or thorns obstruct my path. 

I look not at the present ; many years 

Are but so many moments, though of tears. 
My soul's bright home a lovelier aspect hath ; 

And if it surely shall be mine, and then 

Forever mine, — it matters little when. 

VESPERS. 

Nature is tired. I must away 
Upon my couch to sue for rest ; 

And yet, my soul, a moment stay ; 
Awake, my weary breast. 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 265 

One little song of praise is due, — 

O surely, surely due to Him, 
The only great, and good, and true : 

Lord, hear my vesper hymn. 

Angels are praising thee, and bow- 
Lowly, adoring round thy throne ; 

And their sweet song thou hear est now 
Without a j arring tone. 

Their songs are perfect worship ; mine, 
How feebly flows it from my heart ! 

O God, to this deserted shrine 
Fire from above impart. 

Joy ! the last night will soon be here : 

God, what shall it be to me ? 
A night of rapturous joy, or fear, 

Or calm serenity ? 

Perchance, e'en now, 'tis here ; and this, 
This very night, my soul must stand 

Amid the scenes of woe or bliss, 
Of that untrodden land. 

Well, be it, be it as it may ; 

1 have a rock of refuge still, 

And my last breath shall be to pray : 
Work always, Lord, thy will, — 

And wash me in the healing fount ; 

Have mercy in th' accepted hour ; 
And take me to thy holy mount, 

A trophy of thy power 
23 



266 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

And there, among the crowned host, 
My ransomed spirit would abide, 

Foremost to glory and to boast 
In Jesus crucified. 

And with this name my song shall end, 
Sweetest of all the names that be : 

O, for thy grace, that I may spend, 
Spend and be spent, for thee." 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 267 

CHAPTER XVIII. 

LETTERS OF CONDOLENCE. — REFLECTIONS. 

The sudden and unexpected death of Mrs. Dean 
produced a deep sensation among her acquaintances 
in both hemispheres, and especially among her 
immediate associates in labor. Her unimpaired 
constitution, which seems to have been unusually 
fitted to endure the climate of India, her fine nat- 
ural and acquired endowments, and her familiarity 
with the native language, all conspired to increase 
the general feeling of the greatness of the calamity. 
The China mission has been singularly afflicted 
with the death of its laborers, especially the female 
portion of them. Mrs. Morrison, Mrs. Milne, Mrs. 
GutzlafF, , and Mrs. Boone were called away be- 
fore Mrs. Dean ; and subsequently Mrs. Shuck, 
Mrs. White, Dr. Abeel, Mrs. Devan, and Mr 
Lowrie, not to mention others, have ceased from 
their labors. Mr. Lowrie was at Macao at the 
same time with Mrs. Dean, and, in the memoir of 
him lately published, we find the following allusion 
to her death : " A train of thought occurred to 
me shortly after hearing of Mrs. Dean's death, that 



268 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

may, perhaps, not prove uninteresting, and, without 
further apology, I offer it here. 

" The death of missionaries is in some respects, 
and especially to the apprehension of sense, pain- 
ful and discouraging. The need of laborers, par- 
ticularly in China, is so great, our numbers are so 
few, and it is so difficult to obtain more, that w T e 
feel the loss of even one very sensibly. Especially 
is this the case when one so well qualified for 
usefulness as Mrs. D. is removed. She had been 
here so long as to have made good progress in 
acquiring the language ; and her prospects of con- 
tinued health were as fair as those of any of her 
companions. But she is gone with sudden sick- 
ness, cut down and withered like a flower. Her 
sun has gone down while it is yet day, and we are 
left to mourn her absence. For her we do not 
weep. She is 6 gone in peace, resting upon her 
bed, walking in uprightness.' Already it has been 
said to her, ; Well done, good and faithful servant ; 
enter thou into the joy of thy Lord.' We sorrow 
only for ourselves and for the Church ; and yet our 
feelings should not all be sorrowful, for there is 
joy, even to ourselves, connected with thoughts of 
the departure of the servants of God." " Only 
two short weeks have passed since our friend was 
in health and vigor. She might have looked for- 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 269 

ward to as long a life as any of us. She might 
have dreaded the evils we anticipate. Now, her 
trials are over, and over forever. While we are 
still battling with the storm and the tempest, she is 
safe in the harbor. While we often hang our harps 
upon the willows, by the rivers of Babylon, she is 
singing in the temples of Jerusalem. Let this be 
our encouragement, We know not the time to 
go. It may be very near. Behold, c the night is 
far spent, and the day is at hand.' The waves are 
wasting their strength ; the storm is nearly over. 
The battle is almost fought, and the victory is 
nearly won. * The time of our salvation is nearer 
than when we believed ; ' and O, how joyful that 
salvation will be, after such trials ! Indeed, they 
will greatly enhance its preciousness, and we shall 
not then regret them. Think you that our sister 
now regrets having left friends and home to dwell 
among strangers ? or is sorry that here she wandered 
about, having no certain dwelling-place ? Is it a 
sad thing to her that here she was tossed on the 
rough sea ? that alone she buried her first-born 
child upon a strange shore, and in a heathen land ? 
No ! Heaven will be the sweeter after these 
bitter draughts ; rest more delightful after these 
toils ; the haven more charming by contrast of the 
rough sea without." — Memoirs of Rev. W. Lowrie, 
pp. 243, 244. 

23* 



270 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

Soon after Mrs. Dean's death, Mr. Lowrie ad- 
dressed to her husband the following lines of 
sympathy and condolence : — 

It may seem late in me to express my sym- 
pathies with you in your bereavement. It is, in- 
deed, much later than I had intended ; but such 
sorrow as I know yours has been is a sacred thing. 
I did not wish to intrude my thoughts while it was 
too fresh in your mind. I do not know that I can 
say any thing to you that you have not already 
thought of; but perhaps the enclosed reflections, 
which occurred to me very soon after I heard of 

it, may not be uninteresting to you They 

will show that those who have not written have 
thought of you, and felt and prayed for you. 
That the God of all comfort may comfort you in 
all your tribulation, and that you may be able to 
comfort them which are in any trouble, is the 
prayer of 

Your brother in Christ, 

W. M. Lowrie. 

This good man has since been called to join the 
company of those who have departed to be with 
Christ. He died August 19, 1847. 

The following, also, is from one who has since 
died, — Mrs. L. H. Ball, whose husband was after- 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 271 

wards located in Hong-kong. It is dated at Macao, 
the day after Mrs. Dean's death. " We have just 
heard the mournful intelligence that dear Mrs. 
Dean is no more. Is it possible that she is gone, 
and that we shall see her face and hear her voice 
no more ! We cannot realize it. I had antici- 
pated much pleasure in her society at Hong-kong. 
What shall we say, but ; the will of the Lord be 
done ' ? We feel much for you, my dear brother, 
and for the dear little motherless babe. May the 
Lord bless, comfort, and support you under the 
heavy bereavement. Would that I could have 
been with dear Mrs. Dean, and helped to smooth 
her dying pillow. But though this privilege was 
denied me, we did remember you all at the mercy- 
seat. It is, indeed, a loud call to us all : c Be ye 
also ready, for in such an hour as ye think not, 
the Son of man cometh.' Who would have thought 
that your dear companion would be the next to 
follow Mrs. Boone. Well may it be said, ' In the 
midst of life we are in death.' But you, my 
brother, sorrow not as those without hope. Your 
dear companion has gone where you, with your 
dear Fanny, expect to meet her in that bright and 
happy world, where there is no more sickness, 
pain, or sorrow ; and her glorified spirit has winged 
its way to the embraces of the dear little boy who 
was called home before her. Perhaps this dear 



272 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

one was the first to meet and welcome her home 
to glory. We feel it a melancholy pleasure to 
mingle our tears with yours. May this great and 
sudden affliction be sanctified to us all." 

Mr. Aldersey, who had been engaged to write 
the sad intelligence to the mother of Mrs. Dean, 
says, u It will be a very interesting, although pain- 
ful, engagement to communicate with the parent 
of her whom I loved so much. Dr. Lockhart had 
mentioned the subject to me, and I shall hope to 
write to-day. We feel very thankful that you are 
enjoying so much of the divine support in this 
season of deep affliction, and trust that your being 
thus sustained may be the means of awakening in 
those who witness it a sense of the value of the 
religion of Jesus." 

Mrs. Dean's physician, N. Burrell, wrote, on the 
occasion, that the way in which Mr. Dean had 
been pleased to speak of his services, in his recent 
affliction, was highly gratifying to his feelings, 
both as a medical man and a Christian brother. 
" It is our high privilege and consolation," he says, 
" to know that ' affliction cometh not forth of the 
dust, neither doth trouble spring out of the ground ; ' 
that our dear departed friend has been taken from 
us for her immediate and our ultimate good. That 
you may be enabled to see that this chastisement 
has been sent in mercy, that you and your 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 273 

church may be supported under your heavy loss 
by God's grace, is the sincere prayer of your very 
faithful friend." 

Dr. and Mrs. Hobson, Mrs. Dean's medical ad- 
viser at Macao, writes, " Accept, dear brother, 
our sincere condolence and heart-felt sympathy in 
the sad bereavement you have been called to sus- 
tain in the loss of your departed wife. By this 
unexpected and painful dispensation of the provi- 
dence of God, you are again left solitary, to mourn 
over the dearest object of your affections, the part- 
ner of your joys and sorrows, the wife of your 
bosom, your friend, your all. We loved her as a 
sister, and anticipated no little pleasure in her 
society. The church militant has also lost a 
most faithful laborer in this part of the Lord's 
vineyard, for the cultivation of which she was in 
so many respects eminently fitted. A few days 
since she was enjoying robust health : her body is 
now mouldering in the tomb, and her glorified 
spirit in the realms of bliss. What a consolatory 
thought, dear brother, that you have so full and 
joyous a hope of her abundant entrance into the 
kingdom of God ! Our loss is her eternal gain. 
We can very imperfectly express how deeply we 
feel for your motherless children ; and we do not 
forget to commend you to the grace of God, which 
is able to keep your mind in perfect peace, acqui- 



274 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

escing and ever delighting in his righteous will. 
We do rejoice to find that you submit, without re- ' 
pining, to this your greatest of trials." . . . . " If 
not opposed to your wishes, we should like to draw 
up a short and instructive account of the mission- 
ary life and death of your late dear wife, which, 
after having your correction, we should send to 
Dr. Morrison to publish in the Evangelical Maga- 
zine, which has a very wide circulation among our 
friends in England." 

G. Tradescant Lay, Esq., British consul at 
Canton, writes, " It has pleased God to take away 
the desire of your eyes with a stroke. The solace 
of all the sickening moments of life, the brightest 
ornament of your joys, that dear creature, who by 
her presence created that circle of hallowed en- 
chantment, a home, is no more. She is now radiant 
with that righteousness which is of God, and feels 
a thrill of joy such as no tongue can tell, no fancy 
etch out. A few more rising and setting suns, 
and you will rejoin her loved society, fresh in 
second youthfulness, vigorous in immortal health. 
I know, when you look at the little pledge of wed- 
ded bliss, your heart will sometimes be filled with 
complaints. Even an earthly friend will listen to 
the plainings of the sorrowful ; how much more 
that Eternal Friend, who has sought our friendship 
by gifts so costly ! It is not for such a poor, melan- 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 275 

choly performer as I am to offer you comfort, by 
any form of words. I commend you to the God 
of all consolation, who can give the bitterest afflic- 
tions the sweetest relish." 

Dr. Bradley, of Bangkok, in returning Mrs. 
Dean's last letter to her husband, wrote on a blank 
space the following sympathetic communication : 
" Be assured you have my fervent sympathies in 
your great and sore trials. With tearful tender- 
ness do I remember you, the bereaved husband, and 
dear little Fanny, the poor motherless infant. I 
love to think of my heavenly Father's loving and 
tender care of me, during all the years of my in- 
fancy, and childhood, and youth, and manhood, 
without a mother's care from the first hour of my 
existence ; and then to plead that he will be no less 
tender and good to your Fanny and your Matilda. 
I have the sweet assurance that he will answer 
this prayer, and love the dear little ones to all 
eternity. Kiss sweet Fanny for me. How heartily 
would I press her to my bosom, and plead for the 
blessing of her mother's God upon her ! Dear 
brother, how do you feel now ? You are in a 
furnace which I have never tried. It seems to me 
the fire must be exceedingly hot. I am sure I 
could not endure it myself without extraordinary 
grace. I hope and trust such grace supports you. 
Do you not see the Son of God walking with you 



276 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

in the fire ? If you do, it is enough. You will, 
you must be happy with him. Miss Pierce de- 
sires me to say that you have her sympathies and 
prayers. And I will add, that you have a great 
place in all our hearts. Mrs. Dean, whom Jesus 
has just taken, was very dear to us all. O, how 
much more we should now love her, if we could 
see her gloriously adorned as she is for the society 
of the blessed Redeemer ! Let us labor and strive 
to make ourselves more and more meet for his 
presence in the upper sanctuary." 

The following is an extract of a letter from 
Rev. Dr. Abeel to Mr. Dean: " O, what a 
world of sin and death we inhabit ! What a 
blessed truth that we are not destined to remain 
here forever ! And what a glorious heaven awaits 
us, where our friends who leave us go, and where 
we shall soon resume our fellowship with them, 
never again to be interrupted ! I trust your faith 
is exceedingly strengthened in this trying season. 
When the eternal world is brought full before the 
mind, and kept there, as it can only be by a strong 
faith, we can neither grieve for the departed, nor 
immoderately for ourselves, though bereaved of 
their companionship. We are kept very much in 
the state in which a lady told me she was, after 
being deprived of a beloved husband a year. Her 
mind had so partaken of his joy, that she had lived 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 277 

less on earth than in heaven during all this time. 
Such a realizing sense of eternal things is given to 
very few. Enough, however, is afforded to all 
God's children, who take measures to acquire it, 
to prevent that sorrow which is unattended by 
hope. These afflictions appear light and momen- 
tary, and produce their sanctified effects, '-while 
we look not at the things seen, but at those which 
are not seen.' The duty and difficulty is to keep 
the eye fixed ; but though a difficult duty, it can, no 
doubt, be done to a very great extent. And O, 
the happiness we should all feel, if we constantly 
endured ' as seeing Him who is invisible,' ' walk- 
ing with God,' ' dwelling under the shadow of 
the Almighty,' ' eating of the hidden manna,' 
6 being filled with all the fulness of God ' ! This is 
the blessed life which it ought to be our constant 
aim to live, and in which we should bear much 
fruit, and then glorify our Father, who is in 
heaven. 

u But, my dear brother, why do I write these 
things to you ? You have thought of all I can 
suggest. You have been initiated into the secrets 
of this hidden life. May the One who sticks 
closer than all others supply your loss by his 
delightful presence. My venerable old professor 
of didactic theology, Dr. Livingston, when spo- 
ken to about his loss, soon after the decease of 
24 



278 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

his wife, made this reply : ' She is with Jesus, 
and he is with me.' I trust you can say the 
same." 

Rev. William C. Milne, son of the late Dr. 
Milne, writes from Ningpo, " As the husband 
and w r ife are made one, by the sundering of 
the one from the other, a gash must be the result. 
That gash you are made to suffer. But, my dear 
brother, while you will feel the cut to be keen, 
and see the gash to be terrible, you will have al- 
ready found that it is the God of Abraham who 
has done it, and you will, with faithful Abraham, 
yield to the will of your unchanging God. My 
elder brother, you have lost a beloved wife, I have 
lost an early friend, and your sweet babe looks in 
vain for its departed mother ; but the Father of 
the families of the earth be merciful to it and to 
you, and, by this event of his providence, make us 
all wise unto salvation, and fitter for heaven. I 
know, my dear brother, I have opened your wound 
afresh. No, I have only touched it ; but it was 
by incautiously jostling against you, in my earnest 
desire to press forward, and sympathize and sorrow 
with you." 

The following beautiful letter from Dr. William 
Henry Cumming, medical missionary at Amoy, 
and dated at Kolongsoo, April 5, 1843, shall close 
this list of extracts : — 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 279 

My dear Sir : — 

We have just heard of the death of her who 
was your wife ; and I cannot restrain my desire 
to assure you of my sympathy in this trying 
season. No event can be more properly termed a 
trial. The removal by death of those for whom 
we have long entertained a warm affection, does, 
indeed, test the sincerity of our often-repeated 
declarations of faith in the word of God. Death 
happens to all men alike, and the effect produced 
upon the living is in many respects similar. 
Christianity here distinguishes its disciples, not by 
the removal or neutralization of the feeling com- 
mon to men at such times, but by the addition of 
other and loftier perceptions, whose accuracy and 
force vary with the state of the individual. While 
the removal of the object of love produces pangs 
as keen, and breaks up associations and habits of 
feeling that have taken deep root in the soul, 
while the positive suffering is as great with the 
child of God as with the man of the world, the 
former, with the eye of faith, can pierce, with pow- 
erful vision, the veil that hides the unseen world, 
and, beholding the loved one at the throne of God, 
tasting and drinking largely of the water of life, 
can forget his own sorrows, and share by sympathy 
the joys of the heavenly state. 

In times of prosperity, our faith is too feeble 



280 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

and our imagination too earthly to look into the 
mysteries of the second existence. We fail to 
reach even the portal of heaven ; and though a 
little of the light may reach us, we cannot discern 
the forms of beauty, power, and bliss, which are 
ever passing there. But the aid of one long 
known can lead us farther. We can follow the 
spirit in its last moments here, and, as it is admitted 
into the paradise above, we can conceive the emo- 
tions of wonder and joy which rush upon it there. 
Accustomed as we are to trace, in this life, its ever- 
varying sensations and perceptions, we feel that 
we can employ the skill thus acquired in following 
it into the " spirit-land." And who, after having 
thus witnessed the blessedness allotted to the saints, 
can grieve that another has been made a partaker 
of these endless joys ? Can love, with all its illu- 
sions, lead us, for a moment, to suppose that we 
can offer any thing in exchange for these ? Is there 
any sweetness in conjugal or maternal affection to 
compensate the soul for the loss of the lights, and 
sounds, and spectacles of heaven ? We are here 
in an imperfect, chrysaloid state. Those powers 
which would improve slowly, and to small extern, 
on earth, are now bursting forth in all the luxu- 
riance of heavenly development. The mind, per- 
haps, now comprehends " things unutterable." The 
stream of science, here so impure and scanty, is 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 281 

watering the soul with unchecked flow. The heart 
has left this region, where Satan still exerts so 
powerful a sway ; has passed far beyond his 
influence and his snares. The external powers 
that now affect it are all for good. The bright 
bands of the angels lend their aid to point out the 
beauties of the region ; they allure to the sweetest 
spots. The saints cluster around the newly-arrived 
one, and offer their hearty welcome. The spirit 
has been led to the throne. The smile of affection 
has illumined the countenance of her Saviour, as 
he received the ransomed soul. The kiss of peace 
has filled her soul with joy unspeakable. The 
song of the immortals has reached her ear, and 
her voice has joined in joyous melody. 

Could we feel that these things are so, or, rather, 
that the heart of man cannot conceive the happi- 
ness above, should we fail to sing aloud, and thank 
the Lord for his goodness and mercy ? His promise 
is pledged for those who remain ; it is fulfilled for 
her who has gone. Let us, then, thank the Lord 
that he has added another, from our little company, 
" to the general assembly and church of the first- 
born," and has supported us by the energy of his 
Spirit. May we not trust him for ourselves ? He 
has taken care of her whom we have lost. I trust 
that the Lord has been near to you at this time, 
filling your heart with joy and gladness, in the 
24* . 



282 LIFE OF MPtS. DEAN. 

midst of your sorrows and tears. Confide in him 
more than ever; you have lost an earthly stay. 
Let us hear of your welfare. We will pray for 
you. I think I can enter largely into your feelings ; 
for I have seen things to instruct me in these 
affairs, and can truly say, that in circumstances 
of the deepest distress I have found the highest 
happiness. 

The life which we have thus traced to its close 
is eminently suggestive of reflections. As we 
have said on another occasion, there is no claim 
to which the heart more cordially responds, than 
that of respect for those who have exposed their 
lives in an honorable warfare. The pensioned 
heroes of our revolution won their way^ to favor, 
and some of them to the highest offices in the gift 
of a free people, through the privations of the 
tented field, and the dangers of a sanguinary con- 
flict. Their sufferings and their valor are en- 
shrined among our most patriotic recollections. But 
this spontaneous tendency of the human heart, 
when it is directed towards those who have perilled 
their lives in the cause of Christianity, is as pious 
as it is natural, and has the sanction of the apostles 
and elders at Jerusalem, who stated it as a claim 
to respect in Barnabas and Paul, that " they were 
men who had hazarded their lives for the name 
of our Lord Jesus Christ.'" 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 283 

We grant that life should not be exposed without 
sufficient reason. But, with Mrs. Dean's early 
death in view, even admitting it to have been con- 
sequent on her becoming a missionary, are there 
not reasons sufficient to justify the step ? Suppose 
the truth of the gospel must be restrained within 
its present limits, or life must be exposed ; can 
there be a doubt as to which of the alternatives 
ought to be chosen ? Did not the ancient wor- 
thies, with God's Son at their head, peril their 
lives, and pour out the last drop of their martyred 
blood, for the extension of the truth in the earth ? 
And have the impulsions under which they acted 
perished since their day, insomuch that no possi- 
ble condition can accrue requiring us to follow 
their godlike example ? May not Mrs. Dean have 
been as really impelled by the Holy Spirit as 
Stephen, the first martyr, was, to adopt a course 
that should eventuate in an early death ? 

Let us not delude ourselves into the supposition 
that such a life and death are in vain. Death has 
done more than life, danger than security, and 
pain than pleasure, to insure the triumph of the 
gospel. Crucifixion and martyrdom apart, Chris- 
tianity would have had no organ of its love, and 
no basis for its dominion. To the uncompromis- 
ing spirit of the early church were owing both her 
dangers and her triumphs. It was her exclusive 



284 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

tone of all or none, which she assumed, and of 
building up the claims of her Master upon the 
downfall of whatever else was called Lord or God, 
that served at once to arm against her the malig- 
nity of the world, and to pave the way for those 
feats of action, and endurance, which, by inscrib- 
ing the impression of her deep sincerity and ear- 
nestness upon every heart, turned the victory in 
her favor, and gained for her cause a name and 
a place among men which will endure forever. 
The truth against life, the truth against the world, 
was her motto. 

If Christians will sit still, and leave the heathen 
to perish unwarned and unevangelized, they need 
undergo no such sacrifices as Mrs. Dean encoun- 
tered. But can we do it ? In the fear of God, 
dare we do it ? Should we not bring on ourselves the 
more dreadful evil of blood-guiltiness ? Should we 
not be chargeable with keeping back from millions 
of men the only means of their salvation ? Should 
we not belie the cause of Him, who, though he 
was rich, for our sake became poor, that we, 
through his poverty, might be rich ? of Him who 
was made sin for us, that we might be made the 
righteousness of God in him ? Shorn of its phi- 
lanthropy, energetic and self-sacrificing, our reli- 
gion, like the son of Manoah despoiled of his 
locks, becomes weak and contemptible, like the 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 285 

other religions of the earth. Because so many 
missionaries die young, shall we, therefore, cease 
from our endeavors to preach the gospel to every 
creature ? No, it would belie the hopes of immor- 
tality which that gospel inspires. Is not the ex- 
change of eternal misery for eternal bliss, on the 
part of one soul, as the consequence of these sacri- 
fices, sufficient to compensate them all ? These 
fallen missionaries have only gone a little sooner 
to heaven, to meet the trophies of their victory, in 
the form of redeemed spirits recovered from among 
the heathen by their means, to shine like stars in 
the firmament forever. O, who that understands 
the true ends of philanthropy, can feel it to be 
unworthy or unbecoming to hazard our lives for 
the salvation of immortal souls ? 

Let no one suppose that those missionaries who 
died soon after entering the field of their labors 
accomplished nothing. Did not our blessed Saviour 
die young ? Did not Stephen come to an early 
and tragic end ? And, yet, in their death they 
accomplished more than in their life. The man 
who, from consistent motives, and in a judicious 
manner, exposes his life in the propagation of the 
gospel among the heathen, whether he die soon, 
as a consequence, or live long to prosecute his 
work, furnishes to his own age the most conclusive 
argument for the vigor of Christian piety and be- 



286 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

nevolence. When the Church becomes miserly, 
and over-cautious of her blood ; when the vigor 
of enterprise in her abates, and the noble daring to 
attempt magnanimous deeds expires in the breast 
of her sons and daughters ; yea, when she becomes 
too effeminate for action, and too fearful of sacri- 
ficing treasure to attempt aggressive movements 
upon the empire of darkness, — then, we may be 
sure, she has outlived the period of her triumph and 
her glory. 

There is in the history of nations an iron age, 
when achievement is the watchword ; and no enter- 
prise is too difficult, or too daring, for their sons 
to attempt. Such was Rome in the time of the 
kings and the republic, when she laid the founda- 
tion of a power exceeding all earthly glory and 
magnificence. But this iron age was followed by 
one of gold, and silks, and luxuries, when a thou- 
sand slaves followed in the train of a single lord, 
to minister to his pleasure and caprice, and when 
the nation became too effeminate for toil and 
endurance, and too voluptuous for magnanimous 
deeds. Then her empire of a thousand years' 
standing was crumbled down by northern barbari- 
ans and Saracenic clans, who divided among them 
its riches and its provinces. 

So of the Church, during those ages wherein 
her martyred blood flowed profusely, — victory 



LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 287 

waited on her footsteps, and the world bowed to 
the sceptre of her Lord. But when her sons have 
contented themselves with reclining amid academic 
groves, have courted the muses, have luxuriated 
amid their fat livings, flitting in the sunbeams of 
power and prosperity, and none were found to 
hazard their lives for the name of our Lord Jesus 
Christ, then error and schism have been rampant, 
scandal has found a pretext for assaulting the 
Christian profession, and neither honor, nor vic- 
tory, nor growth, nor enlargment, was the order 
of the day. 

There is something in one who has the soul to 
do and endure, to attempt great things, to expect 
great things, that overawes the human mind ; and 
people stand aside to make way for him. A great 
and good man, struggling with formidable difficul- 
ties, in pursuit of a worthy object, is a spectacle 
full of moral sublimity. To see him abjuring the 
ties of kindred and home, spurning his prospects 
of ease and affluence, and betaking himself to 
some remote corner of the globe, where barbarism 
sits enthroned, and pestilence walketh in darkness, 
or wasteth at noonday, that he may live, and labor, 
and suffer, and die in that cause for which the Son 
of God gave his life, is a spectacle which the world 
must continue to feel powerfully, so long as it has 
a heart to sympathize in deeds of valor, benevo- 



288 LIFE OF MRS. DEAN. 

lence, and magnanimity. This is the secret of that 
mighty influence which Judson for many years 
wielded over the Christian world. It is the influ- 
ence of powerful endurance rather than of bril- 
liant action, of self-sacrifice rather than of eloquent 
appeal, of the might of will rather than of word. 
From his bamboo hut, remote from civilized com- 
munities, in which so much of his life was passed, 
went forth a current of thoughts and sympathies 
to carry in its wake every generous and noble 
feeling of the human heart, and to fill the world 
with the purest and holiest impulses. 

" The heathen perish day by day ; 
Thousands on thousands pass away : 
O Christians, to their rescue fly ; 
Preach Jesus to them ere they die. v 
Strength, labor, talents, freely give, 
Your life itself, that they may live. 
What has your Saviour done for you, 
And what for him will you not do ? " 



